Do you I am an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. - Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick -- not wounded -- dead. - Woody Allen
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. - Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. - Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen
More than any other time in history, mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness. The other, to total extinction. Let us pray we have the wisdom to choose correctly. - Woody Allen
It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.- Woody Allen
I am at two with nature. - Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. - Woody Allen
It is your typical love story: Guy meets girl, guy falls in love with girl, guy changes the underlying social order... - Woody Allen
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look. - Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen
You can live to be 100 if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be 100. - Woody Allen
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. - Woody Allen, on the KKK
Better three hours too soon than one minute too late. - Shakespeare
Boss or Leader? A Boss creates fear; A Leader creates confidence. Bossism creates resentment; Leadership breeds enthusiasm. A Boss says:I; A Leader says:We. A Boss fixes blame; A Leader fixes mistakes. A Boss knows how; A Leader shows how. Bossism makes work drudgery; Leadership makes work interesting. A Boss relies on authority; A Leader relies on co-operation. A Boss drives; A Leader leads.  - Anonymous
Effective managers manage themselves and the people they work with so that both the organization and the people profit from their presence.  - Dan Kelly and all his friends Illinois
Buying cheap to save money is like stopping the clock to save time neither works. - Quote from Think and Grow Rich 
Excellent firms don't believe in excellence Only in constant improvement and constant change. - Tom Peters
Feel the power of team work; If you know that a drop of water easily gets dried And a pool of water hardly gets dried. - Brian Hu
Advice is like snow; The softer it falls the longer it dwells upon And the deeper it sinks into the mind. - Samuel Taylor Coleridge 
Authority does not make you a leader It gives you the opportunity to be one. - Anonymous
Be thankful for problems or idiots would have your job. - Author unknown 
Criticize and complain diplomatically: Praise something else first. - Contributed by Amit Shah
If you don't care, your customers never will. - Marlene Blaszczyk
Lead by example not by force. - Contributed by Dan Kelly and all his friends Illinois
Motivate them train them care about them and make winners out of them we know that if we treat our employees correctly they'll treat the customers right and if customers are treated right they'll come back. - J Marriot, Jr.
Motivation is what gets you started habit is what keeps you going. - Jim Ryun 
Nothing makes a person more productive than the last minute. - Contributed by Jeff Pappas
Obstacles are the those frightful things you see When you take your mind off your goals. - Contributed by Sophie & Charlotte Burtt
Partnerships are the basis for success. - Neal Prescot Washington
People who feel good about themselves, produce good results. - Submitted by Dan Kelly and all his friends Illinois
Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go. - William Feather
The bitterness of poor quality remains long after low pricing is forgotten!!! - Leon M CautilloIf 
The desire to have things done quickly Invariably prevents them from being done thoroughly. - Sent by Jody C Burnett California
The most important thing in communication is hearing What isn't being said. - Anonymous 
The only safe ship in a storm is leadership. - Contributed by Nadine Bent Pennsylvania
The sale begins when the customer says yes. - Harvey Mackay
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. To lead a symphony You must occasionally turn your back on the crowd. - Anonymous 
Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.
Ask five economists and you'll get five different answers (six if one went to Harvard).. - Edgar R. Fiedler
Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.. - John Kenneth Galbraith
Capitalism is the astounding belief that the most wickedest of men will do the most wickedest of things for the greatest good of everyone. - Keynes
Money couldnt buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy. - Spike Milligan
An executive is a person who always decides; sometimes he decides correctly, but he always decides. - John H. Patterson
An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. - Laurence J. Peter
Money, it turned out, was exactly like sex: you thought of nothing else if you didn't have it, and thought of other things if you did. I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position. - Mark Twain
When its a question of money, everybody is of the same religion. - Voltaire
A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward. - Anonymous
Use soft words in hard arguments. - H. G. Bohn, 1855
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. - Caskie Stinnett 
Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value. - Albert Einstein
There are two rules for success...  1) Never tell everything you know. - Roger H. Lincoln
If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z  X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that you've got it made. - Jean Gieraudoux
If you wish to be a sucess in the world, promise everything, deliver nothing. - Napoleon Bonaparte
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere. 
 Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 
 If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in  mind to blame.  
The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes theother 90% of the time.  
Hard work spotlights the character of people; some turn up their sleeves, some
 turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all!  
I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.  
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.  
Warning:  Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.  
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.  
Price.  Quality.  Service:    Pick two. 
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.  
After all is said and done, more is said than done.  
People who do the world's real work don't usually wear neckties.  
Quote from the Boss... "I didn't say it was your fault. I said I was going to blame it on you."  
Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings; they did it by killing
 all those who opposed them.  
"Granted, Mr Wheeler's ideas are stupid and unreasonable, but he does own the
 company and I think we should go along with him..." 
"Illegitmitatum Non Carborundum Est" - Never let the bastards grind you down! 
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....You ask, What is our policy? I will say; "It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us: to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy." You ask, What is our aim? I can answer with one word: Victory - victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill A communist is like a crocodile: when it opens its mouth you cannot tell whether it is trying to smile or preparing to eat you up. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
A joke is a very serious thing. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
A love for tradition has never weakened a nation, indeed it has strengthened nations in their hour of peril. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill 
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile--hoping it will eat him last. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
An iron curtain has descended across the Continent. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains. - Winston Churchill
Courage is the first of human qualities because it is the quality that guarantees all the others. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Danger - if you meet it promptly and without flinching - you will reduce the danger by half. Never run away from anything. Never! - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Dictators ride to and fro upon tigers which they dare not dismount. And the tigers are getting hungry. - Winston Churchill
Don't talk to me about Naval tradition. It's nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Everyone has his day and some days last longer than others. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
For my part, I consider that it will be found much better by all parties to leave the past to history, especially as I propose to write that history myself. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put. - Winston Churchill
Give us the tools and we will finish the job. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. - Winston Churchill
I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
I am always willing to learn. I do not, however, always enjoy being taught. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod. - Sir Winston Churchill
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill
I cannot forecast to you the action of Russia. It is a riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
I gather, young man, that you wish to be a Member of Parliament. The first lesson that you must learn is, when I call for statistics about the rate of infant mortality, what I want is proof that fewer babies died when I was Prime Minister than when anyone else was Prime Minister. That is a political statistic. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
I like a man who grins when he fights. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
If we open a quarrel between the past and the present, we shall find that we have lost the future. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
If you go on with this nuclear arms race, all you are going to do is make the rubble bounce. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
If you have an important point to make, don't try to be subtle or clever. Use a pile driver. Hit the point once. Then come back and hit it again. Then hit it a third time--a tremendous whack. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
If you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed, if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a small chance of survival. There may even be a worse case: you may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
In wartime, truth is so precious that she should always be attended by a bodyguard of lies. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
It has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried. - Winston Churchill
It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
It is a mistake to look too far ahead. Only one link in the chain of destiny can be handled at a time. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
It is a socialist idea that making profits is a vice; I consider the real vice is making losses. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
It is no use saying, 'We are doing our best.' You have got to succeed in doing what is necessary. - Sir Winston Churchill
Kites rise highest against the wind - not with it. - Winston Churchill
Let us therefore brace ourselves to our duty, and so bear ourselves that, if the British Empire and its Commonwealth lasts for a thousand years, men will still say, 'This was their finest hour.' - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
MacDonald has the gift of compressing the largest amount of words into the smallest amount of thoughts. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most times he will pick himself up and carry on. - Winston Churchill
Many forms of Government have been tried, and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the 'worst' form of Government except all those others that have been tried from time to time. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
My wife and I tried to breakfast together, but we had to stop or our marriage would have been wrecked. - Winston Churchill
Never give in. Never. Never. Never. Never. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Never hold discussions with the monkey when the organ grinder is in the room. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
No folly is more costly than the folly of intolerant idealism. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Of course, we are all worms--but I like to think, at least, that I am a glowworm. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Short words are best and the old words when short are best of all. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it." - a conversation between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill
Solitary trees, if they grow at all, grow strong. - Sir Winston Churchill
Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
The farther backward you can look, the farther forward you are likely to see. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are right sometimes. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of blessings; the inherent virtue of socialism is the equal sharing of miseries. - Winston Churchill
The optimist sees opportunity in every danger; the pessimist sees danger in every opportunity. - Winston Churchill
The power of man has grown in every sphere, except over himself. - Sir Winston Churchill
The price of greatness is responsibility. - Sir Winston Churchill
The problems of victory are more agreeable than the problems of defeat, but they are no less difficult. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
The reserve of modern assertions is sometimes pushed to extremes, in which the fear of being contradicted leads the writer to strip himself of almost all sense and meaning. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
The whole history of the world is summed up in the fact that, when nations are strong, they are not always just, and when they wish to be just, they are no longer strong. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
There are a lot of lies going around.... and half of them are true. - Winston Churchill
There is no finer investment for any community than putting milk into babies. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
There is nothing more exhilarating than to be shot at without result. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
This is the type of arrant pedantry up with which we shall not put. - Winston Churchill
Those who can win a war well can rarely make a good peace and those who could make a good peace would never have won the war. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
To build may have to be the slow and laborious task of years. To destroy can be the thoughtless act of a single day. - Sir Winston ChurchillTrue genius resides in the capacity for evaluation of uncertain hazardous, and conflicting information. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Vast and fearsome as the human scene has become, personal contact of the right people, in the right places, at the right time, may yet have a potent and valuable part to play in the cause of peace which is in our hearts. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give. - Winston Churchill
We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight in France, we shall fight on the seas and the oceans, we shall fight with growing confidence and growing strength in the air, we shall defend our island, whatever the cost may be. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Well, dinner would have been splendid... if the wine had been as cold as the soup, the beef as rare as the service, the brandy as old as the fish, and the maid as willing as the Duchess. - Winston Churchill
Where does the family start? It starts with a young man falling in love with a girl - no superior alternative has yet been found. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
Why Sir Churchill you are drunk! "And you are ugly, but I shall be sober in the morning!" - a conversation between Lady Nancy Astor and Winston Churchill
Without tradition, art is a flock of sheep without a shepherd. Without innovation, it is a corpse. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer Churchill
You can always count on Americans to do the right thing  - after they've tried everything else. - Sir Winston Leonard Spencer ChurchillMorality is the herd-instinct in the individual.   - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) 
I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time.   - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900)
I believe in equal rights. I believe that women should get equal pay for equal jobs. I believe women should have control of their bodies and be in positions of power. But I also believe that men should be men and women should be, well, women. Women should be soft and smart and mysterious. And men should have their own tools. I pine for the sheer stupidity of the old macho days, when men would brandish hammers and build huge, bulky cars that sucked up gas and tore open the ozone layer and crushed small animals beneath totally useless but totally cool-looking tail fins. When men were apes with good shoes and a dental plan. John Wayne, John Huston, Bill Holden, Bob Mitchum, Clark Gable, Babe Ruth, Lee Marvin, Sam Peckinpah. Men who drank and fought and puked and ate raw meat right off the bone and drank some more and fought some more and puked again and kept on drinking. Men who died of massive heart attacks or sudden brain seizures. Men who had cancer six or seven times. Men made out of leather. 
Making fun of born-again Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope.   - P.J. O'Rourke
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it.   - P.J. O'Rourke (1947- ) 
The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 
Hell is other people - J.P. Sartre
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know where to hide the bodies. I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.
Son: Mommy, Mommy! My head hurts! Mom: Shut up and get away from the dart board! 
Son:   Mommy, Mommy! Daddy's on fire! Mom:   Shut up and get the marshmallows! 
Son:   Mommy, mommy! I don't want any more hamburger! Mom:   Shut up and stick
 your arms back into the meat grinder. 
Son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy running so fast? Mom: Shut up, and shoot! 
Son: Mommy, Mommy! Why is daddy so pale? Mom: Shut up and keep digging. 
Son:   Mommy, mommy, can I have a cookie? Mom:   Yes, the cookies are on the top shelf.  son:   But mommy, I haven't got any arms! Mom:   No arms, no cookie... 
Son:   Mommy, Mommy! I can't breathe! Mom:   Good, it's working. 
Son:   Mommy, Mommy! can I have a bike for Christmas? Mom:   Nope. You already have your wheelchair. 
Her face was her chaperone.
Here's a Quarter, call somebody who cares.
You've been seen talking to cats.  You understand what they're saying.
When asked if you believe in God, you ask, "Which one?"
You have an entire spice cabinet and you don't cook.
You think Mercedes Lackey should be a cultural icon.
You know that there are exceptions to the laws of physics. You've caused them. 
You know that Christmas trees were originally pagan symbols. 
You have friends who say they are elves. You believe them.
You commit blasphemy in the plural.
When you say "Mother Nature," you don't mean it in an anthropomorphic way.
You know that there is a right way & a wrong way to draw a pentacle. 
You talk to trees. They talk back.
You know dragons and fae exist. You've seen them.
Painting yourself blue, spiking your hair, & dancing naked sounds like fun.
Your children go around telling people that "the Goddess loves you."
You pray nightly to the god of big tires.
"Damn Straight!" replaces "Blessed Be".
You consider chewing tobacco to be a sacred herb.
You measure wisdom by the length of a beard.
You worship the gods of cheap beer and Nascar.
Your God statue looks like Elvis.
Your Goddess picture says "Miss September".
YOU! Out of the gene pool NOW!
Once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he comes next to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.  -Thomas De Quincey
I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again.  -Bart Simpson
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues.  -Elizabeth Taylor
When choosing between two evils I always like to take the one I've never tried before. -Mae West
Too much of a good thing is WONDERFUL. -Mae West
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body.   - Jim Haye
People have much pleasure in cruelty, a step forward is to be pleased with spiritual in stead with physical torture.
Impatience is a virtue.
The shortest distance between two points is through Hell.   - Brian Clark 
Acting: The art of keeping the audience from coughing.
Admiration: Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
Adult: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. 
Afternoon: That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.
Air bags: Inflation we can live with.
Alarm clock: A device to wake people without small kids.
Atheism: A non-prophet organization. 
Automobile - A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
Baby-sitter: A teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
Bank: A place that will lend you money if you prove that you don't need it. 
Bank manager: A jerk who will lend you an umbrella when the sun is shining, and ask for it back when it starts to rain. 
Blotter: Something to look for while the ink dries.
Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money
Brain: The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Budget: Something we go without to stay within.
Budget: A method for going broke methodically.
Camel: A horse designed by a committee. 
Capital punishment: Income tax.
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco, wrapped in paper, fire at one end, fool at the other.
Classic: A book that everybody wants to have read, and nobody wants to read.
Committee: A group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
Conversation: A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 
Coward: One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
Cynic: Someone who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.
Death: Life's way of saying, "You can let go of your ankles now."
Democracy: Three wolves and one sheep voting on what to have for supper.
Dieting: Wishful shrinking.
-e-i-e-i-o: A gross misspelling of the word "farm".
Engineer: A person who knows a great deal about very little and who goes along knowing more and more about less and less, until finally he knows practically everything about nothing.
Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny 
Fairy tales: Horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries. 
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing for something. 
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked. 
Honest politician: One who, when bought, stays bought.
Hospital: Where they wake you up to give you a sleeping pill. 
Hospitality: Making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were. 
Insane: When you're nuts and it bothers you. (Crazy is when you're nuts and you like it).
Jury: Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer. 
Lactomangulation: Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side. 
Mixed emotions: Watching the school burn down when your new catcher's mitt is in your desk. 
Paper clip: The larval stage of coat hangers.
Passion: A feeling you feel when you feel a feeling you've never felt before.
Polynesia: Memory loss in parrots.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Reality: A crutch for people who can't face drugs.
Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy, in utensils you don't own, to make a dish the dog won't eat.
Reference Manual: Object that raises the monitor to eye level. Also used to compensate for that short table leg. 
Relativitiy: Sit next to a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. Sit on a red-hot stove for a minute, it seems like an hour. 
Sex: A disrobic experience 
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark. 
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface. 
Stress: The confusion created when ones mind overrides the body's basic desire to choke the living crap out of some butthead who desperately needs it. 
Tact : The ability to tell someone to go to hell and have them look forward to the trip.
Vinylocity: The strange atmospheric force that makes the shower curtain blow towards you while trying to shower. 
Vuja De: That feeling you've never been here before. 
Worry: The interest you pay on trouble before it comes. 
Writer: Someone who's never seen a chasm that didn't yawn.Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein
War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein
A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labours of others. - Albert Einstein
A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, of the manifestations of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which are only accessible to our reason in their most elementary forms [ ] it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute the truly religious attitude; in this sense, and in this alone, I am a deeply religious man. - Albert Einstein
A man sits with a pretty girl for an hour, it seems like a minute. He sits on a hot stove for a minute, it's longer than any hour. That is relativity. - Albert Einstein
A man's ethical behaviour should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties and needs; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death. - Albert Einstein
A person starts to live when he can live outside himself. - Albert Einstein
A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy. - Albert Einstein
All our lauded technological progress  - our very civilization - is like the axe in the hand of the pathological criminal. - Albert Einstein
All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree. All these aspirations are directed toward ennobling man's life, lifting it from the sphere of mere physical existence and leading the individual towards freedom. - Albert Einstein
An empty stomach is not a good political advisor. - Albert Einstein
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein
As far as I'm concerned, I prefer silent vice to ostentatious virtue. - Albert Einstein
As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain; and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality. - Albert Einstein
Before God we are all equally wise - and equally foolish. - Albert Einstein
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. - Albert Einstein
Desire for approval and recognition is a healthy motive, but the desire to be acknowledged as better, stronger or more intelligent than a fellow being or fellow scholar easily leads to an excessively egoistic psychological adjustment, which may become injurious for the individual and for the community. - Albert Einstein
Do not worry about your difficulties in Mathematics. I can assure you mine are still greater. - Albert Einstein
During the last century, and part of the one before, it was widely held that there was an unreconcilable conflict between knowledge and belief. The opinion prevailed among advanced minds that it was time that belief should be replaced increasingly by knowledge; belief that did not itself rest on knowledge was superstition, and as such had to be opposed. According to this conception, the sole function of education was to open the way to thinking and knowing, and the school, as the outstanding organ for the people's education, must serve that end exclusively. - Albert Einstein, quoting Newton
E=MC˛ - Albert Einstein
Every once in a while, stop and enjoy an ice cream cone. - Albert Einstein
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein
Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labour in freedom. - Albert Einstein
Evil triumphs when good people do nothing. - Albert Einstein
Few are those who see with their own eyes and feel with their own hearts. - Albert Einstein
Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions. - Albert Einstein
Force always attracts men of low morality, and I believe it to be an invariable rule that tyrants of genius are succeeded by scoundrels. - Albert Einstein
Generations to come will find it difficult to believe that a man such as Gandhi ever walked the face of this earth. - Albert Einstein
God does not play dice with the universe. - Albert Einstein
God is subtle, but he is not malicious. [Raffinerat ist der Herr Gott, aber boshaft ist Er nicht.] - Albert Einstein
Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. - Albert Einstein
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein
Great spirits have always found violent opposition from mediocrities. The latter cannot understand it when a man does not thoughtlessly submit to hereditary prejudices but honestly and courageously uses his intelligence. - Albert Einstein
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, senseless brutality, deplorable love-of-country stance, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be a part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder. - Albert Einstein
How I wish that somewhere there existed an island for those who are wise and of good will. - Albert Einstein
I am convinced that some political and social activities and practices of the Catholic organizations are detrimental and even dangerous for the community as a whole, here and everywhere. I mention here only the fight against birth control at a time when overpopulation in various countries has become a serious threat to the health of people and a grave obstacle to any attempt to organize peace on this planet. - Albert Einstein
I am enough of an artist to draw freely upon my imagination. Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. - Albert Einstein
I assert that the cosmic religious experience is the strongest and the noblest driving force behind scientific research. - Albert Einstein
I cannot conceive of a God who rewards and punishes his creatures, or has a will of the kind that we experience in ourselves. Neither can I nor would I want to conceive of an individual that survives his physical death; let feeble souls, from fear or ab surd egoism, cherish such thoughts. I am satisfied with the mystery of the eternity of life and with the awareness and a glimpse of the Marvellous structure of the existing world, together with the devoted striving to comprehend a portion, be it ever so tiny, of the Reason that manifests itself in nature. - Albert Einstein
I cannot conceive of a personal God who would directly influence the actions of individuals, or would directly sit in judgment on creatures of his own creation. I cannot do this in spite of the fact that mechanistic causality has, to a certain extent, been placed in doubt by modern science. [He was speaking of Quantum Mechanics and the breaking down of determinism.] My religiosity consists in a humble admiratation of the infinitely superior spirit that reveals itself in the little that we, with our weak and transitory understanding, can comprehend of reality. Morality is of the highest importance but for us, not for God. - Albert Einstein
I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation, whose purposes are modelled after our own  - a God, in short, who is but a reflection of human frailty. Neither can I believe that the individual survives the death of  his body, although feeble souls harbour such thoughts through fear or ridiculous egotisms. - Albert Einstein
I do not believe in immortality of the individual, and I consider ethics to be an exclusively human concern with no superhuman authority behind it. - Albert Einstein
I have no particular talent. I am merely inquisitive. - Albert Einstein
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones. - Albert Einstein
I live in that solitude which is painful in youth, but delicious in the years of maturity. - Albert Einstein
I maintain that cosmic religious feeling is the strongest and noblest incitement to scientific research. - Albert Einstein
I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. - Albert Einstein
I sometimes ask myself how it came about that I was the one to develop the theory of relativity. The reason, I think, is that a normal adult never stops to think about problems of space and time. These are things which he has thought about as a child. But my intellectual development was retarded, as a result of which I began to wonder about space and time only when I had already grown up. - Albert Einstein
I think that a particle must have a separate reality independent of the measurements. That is an electron has spin, location and so forth even when it is not being measured. I like to think that the moon is there even if I am not looking at it. - Albert Einstein
I want to know God's thoughts; the rest are details. - Albert Einstein
If A equals success, then the formula is: A=X+Y+Z. X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut. - Albert Einstein
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber. - Albert Einstein
If I had only known, I would have been a locksmith. - Albert Einstein
If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music. ... I get most joy in life out of music. - Albert Einstein
If my theory of relativity is proven correct, Germany will claim me as a German and France will declare that I am a citizen of the world. Should my theory prove untrue, France will say that I am a German and Germany will declare that I am a Jew. - Albert Einstein
If one studies too zealously, one easily loses his pants. - Albert Einstein
If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts. - Albert Einstein
If the possibility of the spiritual development of all individuals is to be secured, a second kind of outward freedom is necessary. The development of science and of the creative activities of the spirit in general requires still another kind of freedom, which may be characterised as inward freedom. It is this freedom of the spirit which consists in the interdependence of thought from the restrictions of authoritarian and social prejudices as well as from unphilosophical routinizing and habit in general. This inward freedom is an infrequent gift of nature and a worthy object for the individual. - Albert Einstein
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it? - Albert Einstein
If you are out to describe the truth, leave elegance to the tailor. - Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge, for knowledge is limited while imagination embraces the entire world. - Albert Einstein
In order to be an immaculate member of a flock of sheep, one must above all be a sheep oneself. - Albert Einstein
In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity. - Albert Einstein
In the temple of science are many mansions, and various indeed are they that dwell therein and the motives that have led them hither. Many take to science out of a joyful sense of superior intellectual power; science is their own special sport to which they look for vivid experience and the satisfaction of ambition; many others are to be found in the temple who have offered the products of their brains on this altar for purely utilitarian purposes. Were an angel of the Lord to come and drive all the people belonging to these two categories out of the temple, the assemblage would be seriously depleted, but there would still be some men, of both present and past times, left inside. - Albert Einstein
Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. - Albert Einstein
Intelligence makes clear to us the interrelationship of means and ends. But mere thinking cannot give us a sense of the ultimate and fundamental ends. To make clear these fundamental ends and valuations and to set them fast in the emotional life of the individual, seems to me precisely the most important function which religion has to form in the social life of man. - Albert Einstein
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity. - Albert Einstein
It is a magnificent feeling to recognize the unity of complex phenomena which appear to be things quite apart from the direct visible truth. - Albert Einstein
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. - Albert Einstein
It is the supreme art of the teacher to awaken joy in creative expression and knowledge. - Albert Einstein
It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly. If something is in me which can be called religious then it is the unbounded admiration for the structure of the world so far as our science can reveal it. - Albert Einstein
It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. - Albert Einstein
Joy in looking and comprehending is nature's most beautiful gift. - Albert Einstein
Knowledge of what is does not open the door directly to what should be. If one asks the whence derives the authority of fundamental ends, since they cannot be stated and justified merely by reason, one can only answer: they exist in a healthy society as powerful traditions, which act upon the conduct and aspirations and judgements of the individuals; they are there, that is, as something living, without its being necessary to find justification for their existence. They come into being not through demonstration but through revelation, through the medium of powerful personalities. One must not attempt to justify them, but rather to sense their nature simply and clearly. - Albert Einstein
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler. - Albert Einstein
Making allowances for human imperfections, I do feel that in America the most valuable thing in life is possible; the development of the individual and his creative powers. - Albert Einstein
Man tries to make for himself in the fashion that suits him best a simplified and intelligible picture of the world; he then tries to some extent to substitute this cosmos of his for the world of experience, and thus to overcome it. This is what the painter, the poet, the speculative philosopher, and the natural scientists do, each in his own fashion. Each makes this cosmos and its construction the pivot of his emotional life, in order to find in this way peace and security which he can not find in the narrow whirlpool of personal experience. - Albert Einstein
Man usually avoids attributing cleverness to somebody else  - unless it is an enemy.
 - Albert Einstein
My life is a simple thing that would interest no one. It is a known fact that I was born and that is all that is necessary. - Albert Einstein
My religion consists of a humble admiration of the illimitable superior spirit who reveals himself in the slight details we are able to perceive with our frail and feeble mind. That deeply emotional conviction of the presence of a superior reasoning power, which is revealed in the incomprehensible universe, forms my idea of God. - Albert Einstein
Nationalism is an infantile sickness. It is the measles of the human race. - Albert Einstein
Never regard study as a duty, but as the enviable opportunity to learn to know the liberating influence of beauty in the realm of the spirit for your own personal joy and to the profit of the community to which your later work belongs. - Albert Einstein
No, this trick wont work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? - Albert Einstein
Nor do I take into account a danger of starting a chain reaction of a scope great enough to destroy part or all of the planet...But it is not necessary to imagine the earth being destroyed like a nova by a stellar explosion to understand vividly the growing scope of atomic war and to recognize that unless another war is prevented it is likely to bring destruction on a scale never before held possible, and even now hardly conceived, and that little civilization would survive it. - Albert Einstein
Not everything that counts can be counted, and not everything that can be counted counts. - Albert Einstein
Nothing will benefit human health and increase the chances for survival of life on Earth as much as the evolution to a vegetarian diet. - Albert Einstein
Once you can accept the universe as being something expanding into an infinite nothing which is something, wearing stripes with plaid is easy. - Albert Einstein
One should guard against inculcating a young man with the idea that success is the aim of life, for a successful man normally receives from his peers an incomparably greater portion than the services he has been able to render them deserve. The value of a man resides in what he gives and not in what he is capable of receiving. The most important motive for study at school, at the university, and in life is the pleasure of working and thereby obtaining results which will serve the community. The most important task for our educators is to awaken and encourage these psychological forces in a young man {or woman}. Such a basis alone can lead to the joy of possessing one of the most precious assets in the world - knowledge or artistic skill. - Albert Einstein
One should guard against preaching to young people success in the customary form as the main aim in life. The most important motive for work in school and in life is pleasure in work, pleasure in its result, and the knowledge of the value of the result to the community. - Albert Einstein
Only a life lived for others is worth living. - Albert Einstein
Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person. - Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
Perfection of means and confusion of ends seem to characterize our age. - Albert Einstein
Politics is a pendulum whose swings between anarchy and tyranny are fuelled by perpetually rejuvenated illusions. - Albert Einstein
Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them. - Albert Einstein
Reading, after a certain age, diverts the mind too much from its creative pursuits. Any man who reads too much and uses his own brain too little falls into lazy habits of thinking. - Albert Einstein
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. - Albert Einstein
Relativity teaches us the connection between the different descriptions of one and the same reality. - Albert Einstein
Science is a wonderful thing if one does not have to earn one's living at it. - Albert Einstein
Science is the century-old endeavour to bring together by means of systematic thought the perceptible phenomena of this world into as thorough-going an association as possible. To put it boldly, it is the attempt at a posterior reconstruction of existence by the process of conceptualisation. Science can only ascertain what is, but not what should be, and outside of its domain value judgements of all kinds remain necessary. - Albert Einstein
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind. - Albert Einstein
Scientific research is based on the idea that everything that takes place is determined by laws of nature, and therefore this holds for the action of people. For this reason, a research scientist will hardly be inclined to believe that events could be influenced by a prayer, i.e. by a wish addressed to a Supernatural Being. - Albert Einstein, responding to a child who wrote and asked if scientists pray, 1936
Since I do not foresee that atomic energy is to be a great boon for a long time, I have to say that for the present it is a menace. Perhaps it is well that it should be. It may intimidate the human race into bringing order into it's international affairs, which without the pressure of fear, it would not do. - Albert Einstein
Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing. - Albert Einstein
Strange is our Situation Here Upon Earth. - Albert Einstein
Teaching should be such that what is offered is perceived as a valuable gift and not as a hard duty. - Albert Einstein
Technological progress is like an axe in the hands of a pathological criminal. - Albert Einstein
The devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life. Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul or we get fat. - Albert Einstein
The discovery of nuclear chain reactions need not bring about the destruction of mankind any more than did the discovery of matches. We only must do everything in our power to safeguard against its abuse. Only a supranational organization, equipped with a sufficiently strong executive power, can protect us. - Albert Einstein
The eternal mystery of the world is its comprehensibility. - Albert Einstein
The faster you go, the shorter you are. - Albert Einstein
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there's no risk of accident for someone who's dead. - Albert Einstein
The finest emotion of which we are capable is the mystic emotion. Herein lies the germ of all art and all true science. Anyone to whom this feeling is alien, who is no longer capable of wonderment and lives in a state of fear is a dead man. To know that what is impenetrable for us really exists and manifests itself as the highest wisdom and the most radiant beauty, whose gross forms alone are intelligible to our poor faculties - this knowledge, this feeling ... that is the core of the true religious sentiment. In this sense, and in this sense alone, I rank myself among profoundly religious men. - Albert Einstein
The foundation of morality should not be made dependent on myth nor tied to any authority lest doubt about the myth or about the legitimacy of the authority imperil the foundation of sound judgment and action. - Albert Einstein
The further the spiritual evolution of mankind advances, the more certain it seems to me that the path to genuine religiosity does not lie through the fear of life, and the fear of death, and blind faith, but through striving after rational knowledge. - Albert Einstein
The grand aim of all science is to cover the greatest number of empirical facts by logical deduction from the smallest number of hypotheses or axioms. - Albert Einstein
The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax. - Albert Einstein
The highest principles for our aspirations and judgements are given to us in the Jewish-Christian religious tradition. It is a very high goal which, with our weak powers, we can reach only very inadequately, but which gives a sure foundation to our aspirations and valuations. If one were to take that goal out of out of its religious form and look merely at its purely human side, one might state it perhaps thus: free and responsible development of the individual, so that he may place his powers freely and gladly in the service of all mankind. ... it is only to the individual that a soul is given. And the high destiny of the individual is to serve rather than to rule, or to impose himself in any other way. - Albert Einstein
The human mind is not capable of grasping the Universe. We are like a little child entering a huge library. The walls are covered to the ceilings with books in many different tongues. The child knows that someone must have written these books. It does not know who or how. It does not understand the languages in which they are written. But the child notes a definite plan in the arrangement of the books---a mysterious order which it does not comprehend, but only dimly suspects. - Albert Einstein
The ideals which have always shone before me and filled me with the joy of living are goodness, beauty, and truth. To make a goal of comfort or happiness has never appealed to me; a system of ethics built on this basis would be sufficient only for a herd of cattle. - Albert Einstein
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. One cannot help but be in awe when he contemplates the mysteries of eternity, of life, of the Marvellous structure of reality. It is enough if one tries merely to comprehend a little of this mystery every day. Never lose a holy curiosity. - Albert Einstein
The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift. - Albert Einstein
The mere formulation of a problem is far more essential than its solution, which may be merely a matter of mathematical or experimental skills. To raise new questions, new possibilities, to regard old problems from a new angle requires creative imagination and marks real advances in science. - Albert Einstein
 profoundest depths, is inaccessible to man. This attitude, however, appears to me to be religious in the highest sense of the word. And so it seems to me that science not only purifies the religious impulse of the dross of its anthropomorphism but also contributes to a religious spiritualisation of our understanding of life. - Albert Einstein
The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science. - Albert Einstein
The most incomprehensible thing about the world is that it is at all comprehensible. - Albert Einstein
The only real valuable thing is intuition. - Albert Einstein
The only reason for time is so that everything doesn't happen at once. - Albert Einstein
The only source of knowledge is experience. - Albert Einstein
The point is to develop the childlike inclination for play and the childlike desire for recognition and to guide the child over to important fields for society. Such a school demands from the teacher that he be a kind of artist in his province. - Albert Einstein
The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them. - Albert Einstein
The process of scientific discovery is, in effect, a continual flight from wonder. - Albert Einstein
The pursuit of truth and beauty is a sphere of activity in which we are permitted to remain children all our lives. - Albert Einstein
The real difficulty, the difficulty which has baffled the sages of all times, is rather this: how can we make our teaching so potent in the emotional life of man, that its influence should withstand the pressure of the elemental psychic forces in the individual? - Albert Einstein
The real problem is in the hearts and minds of men. It is easier to denature plutonium than to denature the evil spirit of man. - Albert Einstein
The release of atomic energy has not created a new problem. It has merely made more urgent the necessity of solving an existing one. - Albert Einstein
The religion of the future will be a cosmic religion. The religion which based on experience, which refuses dogmatic. If there's any religion that would cope the scientific needs it will be Buddhism.... - Albert Einstein
The satisfaction of physical needs is indeed the indespensable precondition of a satisfactory existence, but in itself is not enough. In order to be content men must also have the possibility of developing their intellectual and artistic powers to whatever extent accord with their personal characteristics and abilities. - Albert Einstein
The school has always been the most important means of transferring the wealth of tradition from one generation to the next. This applies today in an even higher degree than in former times, for through modern development of economic life, the family as bearer of tradition and education has become weakened. The continuance and health of human society is therefore in a still higher degree dependent on school than formally. - Albert Einstein
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. - Albert Einstein
The significant problems we face today cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. - Albert Einstein
The true value of a human being is determined primarily by the measure and the sense in which he has attained liberation from the self. - Albert Einstein
The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking. - Albert Einstein
The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it. - Albert Einstein
There are only two truly infinite things, the universe and stupidity. And I am unsure about the universe. - Albert Einstein
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle. - Albert Einstein
Things should be made as simple as possible, but not any simpler. - Albert Einstein
Those instrumental goods which should serve to maintain the life and health of all human beings should be produced by the least possible labour of all. - Albert Einstein
Through the release of atomic energy, our generation has brought into the world the most revolutionary force since prehistoric man's discovery of fire. This basic force of the universe cannot be fitted into the outmoded concept of narrow nationalisms. For there is no secret and there is no defence; there is no possibility of control except through the aroused understanding and insistence of the peoples of the world. We scientists recognise our inescapable responsibility to carry to our fellow citizens an understanding of atomic energy and its implication for society. In this lies our only security and our only hope - we believe that an informed citizen will act for life and not for death. - Albert Einstein
To me the worst thing seems to be a school principally to work with methods of fear, force and artificial authority. Such treatment destroys the sound sentiments, the sincerity and the self-confidence of pupils and produces a subservient subject. - Albert Einstein
Too many of us look upon Americans as dollar chasers. This is a cruel libel, even if it is reiterated thoughtlessly by the Americans themselves. - Albert Einstein
True religion is real living; living with all one's soul, with all one's goodness and righteousness. - Albert Einstein
Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value. - Albert Einstein
Two things inspire me to awe  - the starry heavens above and the moral universe within. - Albert Einstein
Understanding of our fellow human beings...becomes fruitful only when it is sustained by sympathetic feelings in joy and sorrow. - Albert Einstein
Unless Americans come to realize that they are not stronger in the world because they have the bomb but weaker because of their vulnerability to atomic attack, they are not likely to conduct their policy at Lake Success [the United Nations] or in their relations with Russia in a spirit that furthers the arrival at an understanding. - Albert Einstein
Watch the stars, and from them learn. To the Master's honour all must turn, each in its track, without a sound, forever tracing Newton's ground. - Albert Einstein
y instincts are much alike in them and in us. The most evident difference springs from the important part which is played in man by a relatively strong power of imagination and by the capacity to think, aided as it is by language and other symbolical devices. Thought is the organising factor in man, intersected between the causal primary instincts and the resulting actions. In that way imagination and intelligence enter into our existence in the part of servants of the primary instincts. But their intervention makes our acts to serve ever less merely the immediate claims of our instincts. - Albert Einstein
We have penetrated far less deeply into the regularities obtaining within the realm of living things, but deeply enough nevertheless to sense at least the rule of fixed necessity ..... what is still lacking here is a grasp of the connections of profound generality, but not a knowledge of order itself. - Albert Einstein
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. - Albert Einstein
Weakness of attitude becomes weakness of character. - Albert Einstein
What I see in Nature is a magnificent structure that we can comprehend only very imperfectly, and that must fill a thinking person with a feeling of "humility." This is a genuinely religious feeling that has nothing to do with mysticism. - Albert Einstein
What really interests me is whether God had any choice in the creation of the world. - Albert Einstein
When a blind beetle crawls over the surface of the globe, he doesn't realize that the track he has covered is curved. I was lucky enough to have spotted it. - Albert Einstein
When I examine myself and my methods of thought, I come to the conclusion that the gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. - Albert Einstein
When the number of factors coming into play in a phenomenological complex is too large scientific method in most cases fails. One need only think of the weather, in which case the prediction even for a few days ahead is impossible. Nevertheless, no one doubts that we are confronted with a causal connection whose causal components are in the main known to us. Occurrences in this domain are beyond the reach of exact prediction because of the variety of factors in operation, not because of any lack of order in nature. - Albert Einstein
When the solution is simple, God is answering. - Albert Einstein
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein
Where the world ceases to be the scene of our personal hopes and wishes, where we face it as free beings admiring, asking and observing, there we enter the realm of Art and Science. - Albert Einstein
Whoever undertakes to set himself up as judge in the field of truth and knowledge is shipwrecked by the laughter of the Gods. - Albert Einstein
Why does this applied science, which saves work and makes life easier, bring us so little happiness? The simple answer runs: Because we have not yet learned to make sensible use of it. - Albert Einstein
With the affairs of active human beings it is different. Here knowledge of truth alone does not suffice; on the contrary this knowledge must continually be renewed by ceaseless effort, if it is not to be lost. It resembles a statue of marble which stands in the desert and is continuously threatened with burial by the shifting sands. The hands of science must ever be at work in order that the marble column continue everlastingly to shine in the sun. To those serving hands mine also belong. - Albert Einstein
Without deep reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people. - Albert Einstein
You cannot simultaneously prevent and prepare for war. - Albert Einstein
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference is that there is no cat. - Albert Einstein, when asked to describe radio
A human being is part of a whole, called by us the "Universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separated from the rest--a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal deesires and to affection for a few persons nearest us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circles of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty. - Albert Einstein
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him, I may think aloud. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A friend might well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A good intention but fixed and resolute - bent on high and holy ends, we shall find means to them on every side and at every moment; and even obstacles and opposition will but make us "like the fabled spectre-ships," which sail the fastest in the very teeth of the wind. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man makes inferiors his superiors by heat; self-control is the rule. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man of genius is privileged only as far as he is genius. His dullness is as insupportable as any other dullness. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man's library is a sort of harem. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
A man's wife has more power over him than the state has. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
All conservatives are such from personal defects. They have been effeminated by position or nature, born halt and blind, through luxury of their parents, and can only, like invalids, act on the defensive. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
All mankind love a lover. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
All our progress is an unfolding, like a vegetable bud. You have first an instinct, then an opinion, then a knowledge as the plant has root, bud, and fruit. Trust the instinct to the end. though you can render no reason. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Art is a jealous mistress, and if a man has a genius for painting, poetry, music, architecture or philosophy, he makes a bad husband and an ill provider. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Bad times have a scientific value. These are occasions a good learner would not miss. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beauty without grace is the hook without the bait. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Then all things are at risk. It is as when a conflagration has broken out in a great city, and no man knows what is safe, or where it will end. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Build a better mousetrap and the world will beat a path to your door. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
By the rude bridge that arched the flood, Their flag to April's breeze unfurled, Here once the embattled farmers stood, And fired the shot heard round the world. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Can anything be so elegant as to have few wants, and to serve them one's self? - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Children are all foreigners. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Commit a crime and the earth is made of glass. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Common sense is genius dressed in working clothes. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Condense some daily experience into a glowing symbol, and an audience is electrified. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Conversation is an art in which a man has all mankind for competitors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. What if they are a little course, and you may get your coat soiled or torn? What if you do fail, and get fairly rolled in the dirt once or twice. Up again, you shall never be so afraid of a tumble. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do the thing we fear, and death of fear is certain. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Do what you know and perception is converted into character. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every great and commanding movement in the annals of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Every hero becomes a bore at last. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Far or forgot to me is near; Shadow and sunlight are the same; The vanished gods to me appear; And one to me are shame and fame. They reckon ill who leave me out; When me they fly, I am the wings; I am the doubter and the doubt, And I the hymn the Brahmin sings. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Finish each day before you begin the next, and interpose a solid wall of sleep between the two. This you cannot do without temperance. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Foolish legislation is a rope of sand, which perishes in the twisting. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
God offers to every mind its choice between truth and repose. Take which you please; you can never have both. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Great men are they who see that spiritual is stronger than any material force, that thoughts rule the world. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Happiness is a perfume which you cannot pour on someone without getting some on yourself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
He is great who confers the most benefits. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
He who has a thousand friends Has not a friend to spare, While he who has one enemy Shall meet him everywhere. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Hitch your wagon to a star. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I dip my pen in the blackest ink, because I am not afraid of falling into my inkpot. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I like the silent church before the service begins, batter than any preaching. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
I look on that man as happy, who, when there is question of success, looks into his work for a reply. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
If a man knows the law, find out, though he live in a pine shanty, and resort to him. And if a man can pipe or sing, so as to wrap the imprisoned soul in an Elysium; or can paint a landscape, and convey into souls and ochres all the enchantments of Spring or Autumn; or can liberate and intoxicate all people who hear him with delicious songs and verses; it is certain that the secret cannot be kept; the first witness tells it to a second, and men go by fives and tens and fifties to his doors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labour, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
If we encounter a man of rare intellect, we should ask him what books he reads. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts: they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Intellect annuls fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Is not marriage an open question, when it is alleged, from the beginning of the world, that such as are in the institution wish to get out, and such as are out wish to get in? - Ralph Emerson
It is not length of life, but depth of life. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is one of the most beautiful compensations of life, that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is very easy in the world to live by the opinion of the world. It is very easy in solitude to be self-centred. But the finished man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude. I knew a man of simple habits and earnest character who never put out his hands nor opened his lips to court the public, and having survived several rotten reputations of younger men, honour came at last and sat down with him upon his private bench from which he had never stirred. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It makes a great difference in the force of a sentence, whether a man be behind it or no. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It was a high counsel that I once heard given to a young person, "Always do what you are afraid to do." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Life is eating us up. We all shall be fables presently. Keep cool: it will be all one a hundred years hence. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man is a piece of the universe made alive. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Man was born to be rich, or grow rich by use of his faculties, by the union of thought with nature. Property is an intellectual production. The game requires coolness, right reasoning, promptness, and patience in the players. Cultivated labour drives out brute labour. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Men are conservatives when they are least vigorous, or when they are most luxurious. They are conservatives after dinner. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Men are what their mothers made them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Money, which represents the prose of life, and which is hardly spoken of in parlours without an apology, is, in its effects and laws, as beautiful as roses. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nature hates calculators. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nature is a mutable cloud, which is always and never the same. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nature is full of freaks, and now puts an old head on young shoulders, and then takes a young heart heating under fourscore winters. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Never read any book that is not a year old. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
No great man ever complains of want of opportunity. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
No man ever prayed heartily without learning something. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is at last sacred but the integrity of our own mind. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is beneath you if it is in the direction of your life. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing is rich but the inexhaustible wealth of nature. She shows us only surfaces, but she is a million fathoms deep. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Often a certain abdication of prudence and foresight is an element of success. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Our chief want in life is somebody who shall make us do what we can. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Our knowledge is the amassed thought and experience of innumerable minds. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
People only see what they are prepared to see. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
People wish to be settled. It is only as far as they are unsettled that there is any hope for them. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Proverbs are the literature of reason, or the statements of absolute truth, without qualification. Like the sacred books of each nation, they are the sanctuary of its intuitions. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Reading for Ceremony: Give all to Love; Obey thy heart; Friends, kindred, days, Estate, good-fame, Plans, credit and the Muse, Nothing refuse. 'Tis a brave master; Let it have scope: Follow it utterly, Hope beyond hope: High and more high It dives into noon, With wing unspent, Untold intent; But it is a god, Knows its own path And the outlets of the sky. It was never for the mean; It requireth courage stout. Souls above doubt, Valour unbending. It will reward, They shall return More than they were, And ever ascending... - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Science does not know its debt to imagination. Goethe did not believe that a great naturalist could exist without this faculty. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Self-trust is the essence of heroism. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Solitude, the safeguard of mediocrity. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sometimes a scream is better than a thesis. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Sooner of later that which is now life shall be poetry, and every fair and manly trait shall add a richer strain to the song. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Speak what you think to-day in words as hard as cannon-balls and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Stay at home in your mind. Don't recite other people's opinions. I hate quotations. Tell me what you know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Strong men greet war, tempest, hard times. They wish, as Pindar said, to tread the floors of hell, with necessities as hard as iron. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Take egotism out and you would castrate the benefactors. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Tell them dear, that if eyes were made for seeing, Then beauty is its own excuse for being: Why thou wert there, O rival of the rose! I never sought to ask, I never knew: But, in my simple ignorance suppose The selfsame power that brought me there brought you. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The adventitious beauty of poetry may be felt in the greater delight with a verse given in a happy quotation than in the poem. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The ancestor of every action is a thought. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best effect of fine persons is felt after we have left their presence. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The best lightning rod for your protection is your own spine. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The essence of all jokes, of all comedy, seems to be an honest or well intended halfness; a non performance of that which is pretended to be performed, at the same time that one is giving loud pledges of performance. The balking of the intellect, is comedy and it announces itself in the pleasant spasms we call laughter. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The faith that stand on authority is not faith. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The god of the cannibals will be a cannibal, of the crusaders a crusader, and of the merchants a merchant. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The greatest homage we can pay truth is to use it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The imbecility of men is always inviting the impudence of power. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The invariable mark of wisdom is to see the miraculous in the common. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The key to every man is his thought. Sturdy and defying though he look, he has a helm which he obeys, which is the idea after which all his facts are classified. He can only be reformed by showing him a new idea which commands his own. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The less a man thinks or knows about his virtues, the better we like him. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The life of man is the true romance, which when it is valiantly conducted, will yield the imagination a higher joy than any fiction. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The louder he talked of his honour, the faster we counted our spoons. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The measure of a master is his success in bringing all men around to his opinion twenty years later. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The moment we indulge our affections, the earth is metamorphosed, there is no winter and no night; all tragedies, all ennuis, vanish, - all duties even. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The next thing to saying a good thing yourself, is to quote one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only reward of virtue is virtue. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The peril of every fine faculty is the delight of playing with it for pride. Talent is commonly developed at the expense of character, and the greater it grows, the more is the mischief. Talent is mistaken for genius, a dogma or system for truth, ambition for greatest, ingenuity for poetry, sensuality for art. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The power of love, as the basis of a State, has never been tried. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The religion that is afraid of science dishonours God and commits suicide. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The reward for a thing well done is to have done it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The soul of God is poured into the world through the thoughts of men. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The sufferers parade their miseries, tear lint from their bruises, reveal their indictable crimes, that you may pity them. They like sickness, because physical pain will extort some show of interest from bystanders, as we have seen children, who, finding themselves of no account when grown people come in, will cough till they choke, to draw attention. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The years teach much which the days never knew. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are no days in life so memorable as those which vibrated to some stroke of the imagination. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
There are two classes of poets - the poets by education and practice, these we respect; and poets by nature, these we love. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is always room for a man of force, and he makes room for many. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is no strong performance without a little fanaticism in the performer. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is no thought in any mind, but it quickly tends to convert itself into a power. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
There is nothing capricious in nature and the implanting of a desire indicates that its gratification is in the constitution of the creature that feel it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
This time, like all time, is a very good one if we but know what to do with it. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Those who cannot tell what they desire or expect, still sigh and struggle with indefinite thoughts and vast wishes. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us or we find it not. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To be great is to be misunderstood. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To believe your own thought, to believe that what is true for you in your private heart is true for all men-that is genius. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To different minds, the same world is a hell, and a heaven. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To fill the hour-that is happiness. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded! - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To share often and much; to leave the world a little better; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. That is to have succeeded. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To the dull mind all nature is leaden. To the Illuminated mind the whole world burns and sparkle with lights. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
To the poet, to the philosopher, to the saint, all things are friendly and sacred, all events profitable, all days holy, all men divine. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Trust your instinct to the end, though you can render no reason. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Truth is beautiful, without doubt; but so are lies. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Truth is the summit of being; justice is the application of it to affairs. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Universities are of course hostile to geniuses, which, seeing and using ways of their own, discredit the routine: as churches and monasteries persecute youthful saints. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We aim above the mark to hit the mark. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are always getting ready to live but never living. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are born believing. A man bears beliefs, as a tree bears apples. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are prisoners of ideas. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are shut up in schools and college recitation rooms for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bellyfull of words and do not know a thing. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are students of words; we are shut up in schools, and colleges, and recitation rooms, for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bag of wind, a memory of words, and do not know a thing. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We are wiser than we know. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We boil at different degrees. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
We but half express ourselves, and are ashamed of that divine idea which each of us represents. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What a searching preacher of self-command is the varying phenomenon of health. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Whatever games are played with us, we must play no games with ourselves. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Who so would be a man, must be a nonconformist. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Without a rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Women see better than men. Men see lazily, if they do not expect to act. Women see quite without any wish to act. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Work is victory. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year. No man has learned anything rightly, until he know that every day is Doomsday. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
You cannot do wrong without suffering wrong. - Ralph Waldo EmersonThe average chocolate bar has 8 insect's legs in it.
The average human eats 8 spiders in their lifetime during the night.
The shortest war in history was between Zanzibar and England in 1896. Zanzibar surrendered after 38 minutes.
Donald Duck comics were once banned in Finland because he didn't wear pants.
More people are killed by donkeys annually than are killed in plane crashes.
Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.
Marilyn Monroe had six toes.
If you keep a Goldfish in the dark room, it will eventually turn white.
Right handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left handed people do.
If the population of China walked past you in single file, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction
A snail can sleep for 3 years.
American Airlines saved $440,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.
China has more English speakers than the United States.
If Barbie were life-size her measurements would be 39-23-33. She would stand seven feet, two inches tall and have a neck twice the length of a normal human's neck.
The cruise liner, Queen Elizabeth II, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.
Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days, you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
If you fart consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
Humans and whales are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.
The strongest muscle in the body is the TONGUE.
It's impossible to sneeze with your eyes open.
You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.
Americans on the average eat 18 acres of pizza every day.
Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.
You know that you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by a poisonous spider.
In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked EVERY hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows and eyelashes.
The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.
Polar bears are left-handed.
A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
Butterflies taste with their feet.
Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
Starfish haven't got brains.
A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.
'Marijauna' was the Mexican name given to cannabis.
George Washington and Thomas Jeffersion grew hemp.
More than 400,000 Americans are arrested each year on marijuana charges.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-temperature.
All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. 
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 
Sacred cows make the best burgers. 
Old age and treachery will overcome youth and skill.
One good turn gets most of the blankets. 
Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any. 
Fortune tellers are for the poor; psychics are for the rich. 
No one is listening until you make a mistake. 
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. 
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. 
Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view. 
The trouble with life is, you're half way through it before you realize it's a "do it yourself" thing. 
"You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice."
When the cat's away there are fewer hairs on the armchair.
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets.
If Noah had been truly wise, he would have swatted those two flies!
No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
Einstein said that talking to yourself is a sign of intelligence. Answering yourself, however, is a sign of insanity.
Sometimes you laugh until you cry, and sometimes you cry until you laugh.
If your not living life on the edge, your wasting space.
People who say "Don't Postpone Joy" are usually in outrageous credit card debt. - Daniel Casey
If you lost your left arm, your right arm would be left.
It is better to be on the ground wishing you were flying, than vice versa.
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Alfred Hitchcock did not have a belly button. 
A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
People Do Not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop ...even your heart!
Only 7% of the population are lefties.
40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
The average housefly lives for one month.
40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
About 20% of all adults in the US have or have had a cockroach that called their inner ear canal HOME.  They enter while you sleep!
The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.
The only 2 animals that can see behind itself without turning it's head are the rabbit and the parrot.
Among the music catalogues that Michael Jackson owns the rights to is the South Carolina State anthem.
In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used in place of the milk.
Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane just in case there is a crash.
The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburettor.
Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were seventh cousins.
If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be green.
A computer terminal is not some clunky old television with a typewriter in front of it. It is an interface where the mind and body can connect with the universe and move bits of it about. - Douglas Adams
All it takes to fly is to hurl yourself at the ground... and miss. - Douglas Adams
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. - Douglas Adams
Bypasses are devices that allow some people to dash from point A to point B very fast while other people dash from point B to point A very fast. People living at point C, being a point directly in between, are often given to wonder what's so great about point A that so many people from point B are so keen to get there and what's so great about point B that so many people from point A are so keen to get *there*. They often wish that people would just once and for all work out where the hell they wanted to be. - Douglas Adams
Capital letters were always the best way of dealing with things you didn't have a good answer to. - Douglas Adams
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea ... - Douglas Adams
He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it. - Douglas Adams
He hoped and prayed that there wasn't an afterlife. Then he realized there was a contradiction involved here and merely hoped that there wasn't an afterlife. - Douglas Adams
Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. - Douglas Adams
I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by. - Douglas Adams
I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be. - Douglas Adams
If on the other hand he went to pay his respects to The Door and it wasn't there...what then? The answer, of course, was very simple. He had a whole board of circuits for dealing with exactly this problem, in fact this was the very heart of his function. He would continue to believe in it whatever the facts turned out to be, what else was the meaning of belief? The Door would still be there, even if the Door was not. - Douglas Adams
In the beginning, the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry, and is generally considered to have been a bad move. - Douglas Adams
It is an important and popular fact that things are not always as they seem. - Douglas Adams
It's no coincidence that in no known language does the phrase "As pretty as an airport" appear. - Douglas Adams
Life is wasted on the living. - Douglas Adams
Life... is like a grapefruit. It's orange and squishy, and has a few pips in it, and some folks have half a one for breakfast. - Douglas Adams
Men were real men, women were real women, and small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were REAL small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. Spirits were brave, men boldly split infinitives that no man had split before. Thus was the Empire forged. - Douglas Adams
The Hitch Hiker's Guide has not been an opera. It has however been a tapestry, if you count a woven bath towel as a tapestry. - Douglas Adams
The night sky over the planet Krikkit is the least interesting sight in the entire Universe. - Douglas Adams
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't. - Douglas Adams
There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. - Douglas Adams
This planet has - or rather had - a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy. - Douglas Adams
Time is an illusion, lunchtime doubly so. - Douglas Adams
Very deep. You should send that into Reader's Digest, they've got a page for people like you. - Douglas Adams
You know, it's at times like this when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young! "Why, what did she tell you?" I don't know, I didn't listen! - Douglas Adams
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, Ford! How many escape capsules are there? Ford Prefect: None. Zaphod Beeblebrox: You counted them? Ford Prefect: Twice. 
The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. "For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch?'
The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea...
There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable." There is another theory that states: "This has already happened...."
This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
Life is wasted on the living.- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
In the beginning I was made.  I didn't ask to be made.  No one consulted me or considered my feelings in this matter.  But if it brought some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.- Marvin the Paranoid Android
"Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again." -- Marvin The Paranoid Android
"Space...is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. "  Douglas Adams 
In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.   - Douglas Adam
Don't drink water, fish breed in it.
Don't Panic. Count to ten ... then Panic!
Don't Panic. The Earth is just being demolished for a hyperspace bypass.
As you slide down the banister of life, may their be no splinters pointing the wrong way.  
May your trouble be like the old man's teeth...few and far between.
May the forces of evil become lost and confused on the way to your house.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. 
May you be in heaven a half hour before the Devil knows your dead.
May you have the hindsight to know where you have been, the foresight to know where you are going, and the insight to know when you have gone too far...
May you live as long as you want - and never want as long as you live.
May the Good Lord take a liking to you.....but not too soon.  
May the saddest day of you future be no worse than the happiest day of your life.
Even the blind squirrel finds a nut occasionally.
Bald Guys never have a bad hair day.
The person who knows how to laugh at himself will never cease to be amused.
SCHIZOPHRENIA: Do you Hear What I Hear?
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER: We Three Queens Disoriented Are
DEMENTIA: I Think I'll Be Home for Christmas
NARCISSISTIC: Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me
MANIC: Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Busses and Trucks and Trees and Fire Hydrants and...
PARANOID: Santa Claus is Coming to Get Me
PERSONALITY DISORDER: You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell you Why
DEPRESSION: Silent Anedonia, Holy Anhedonia, All is Flat, All is Lonely.
PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE PERSONALITY: On the First Day of Christmas My True Love Gave to Me (and then took it all away) 
BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER: Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire
OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER: Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell,Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle  Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle (better start again)
Xerox and Wurlitzer:  They're going to make reproductive organs.
Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers:  New company will be called Fairwell Honeychild.
Polygram Records, Warner Brothers and Keebler:  New company will be called Poly-Warner-Cracker.
Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company:  New company will be called Hale Mary Fuller Grace.
3M & Goodyear:  MMMGood
John Deere & Abitibi-Price:  Deere Abi
Honeywell, Imasco, and Home Oil:  Honey, I'm Home
Denison Mines, Alliance, and Metal Mining:  Mine, All Mine
Zippo Manufacturing, Audi, Dofasco, Dakota Mining:  Zip Audi Do-Da
Knott's Berry Farm & National Organization of Women:  Knott NOW!
Netscape & Yahoo:  Net 'n' Yahoo
Fed-Ex & UPS: FedUp
Why was the blonde so happy when she finished the puzzle in three monts? On the box it said 3-6 years.
Men are like computers...hard to figure out and never have enough memory.
Men are like coolers...load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.
Men are like horoscopes....they always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.
Men are like plungers...they spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.
Men are like laxatives.....They irritate the shit out of you.
What should you give a man who has everything? A smarter man to show him how to work it.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?  
The same urge that make dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?  They're hard to get started, emit foul odours and don't work half the time.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know, it's never happened.
Why are men like tile floors? If you lay them properly the first time you can walk all over them for years.
What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted.
Why is it hard to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?  Because they already have boyfriends.
I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am. -Monty Python
The lights are on but no one's home. 
She has Van Gogh's ear for music. 
He's as sharp as a beach ball. 
Stupidity does not qualify as a handicap, park elsewhere! 
I would engage you in a battle of wits butI refuse to duel with an unarmed person. 
He's not playing with a full deck, and the cards he does have are rather shuffled! 
The proctologist called... they found your head. 
His elevator dosn't go to the top.
She's a few fries short of a happy meal. 
Try not to let your mind wander. It is too small to be out by itself. - L. Atkinson 
Oh Dear! Looks like you fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down! 
The wheel is still spinning, but the hamster is dead... 
If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate. 
People would follow him anywhere, but only out of morbid curiosity. 
She's depriving a village somewhere of an idiot. 
Jesus loves you, everyone else thinks you're a jerk. 
Your about as slow as a turtle crawling through peanut butter. 
Some people are going to leave a mark on this world, you might leave a stain. 
If things get better with age, he's approaching magnificent! 
He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes... 
She's always late. Her ancestors arrived on the JuneFlower. 
When you say that your troubles are as great as my own, that may be true; but consider the fact that mine happen to me while yours merely happen to you. 
The engine is running but there's nobody at the wheel. 
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic. 
Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film. 
Her best friend once sent her a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here." 
Don't go away mad, just go away! 
You couldn't get a clue during the clue mating season in a field full of horny clues if you smeared your body with clue musk and did the clue mating dance. 
We've Upped Our Quality, So Up Yours! 
Just because your head is pointed doesn't mean you're sharp. 
Not the brightest crayon in the box, now are we?
May your life be like toilet paper - long and useful.
You're about as bright as a burned out light bulb in a dark room.
He's about as exciting as my wall.
They say that only nice people go to heaven, so be nice, or go to hell.
You give superficial a bad name. - Byron Alley
A chat with you, and death loses its sting!
If my dog looked as ugly as you, I'd shave its butt & teach it to walk backwards!
Your sister didn't get beat with the ugly stick. The whole treee fell on her!
What is your worst sin? My vanity. I spend hours before the mirror admiring my beauty. That isn't vanity, dear, that's imagination.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid but you're abusing the privilage.
In the pinball game of life, his flippers were a little further apart than most.
His antenna doesn't pick up all the channels.
All foam, no beer.
The cheese slid off her cracker.
Brains by Mattel.
Not the sharpest tool in the shed, are you?
Her face was her chaperone. Ouch!
You have the people skills of a belt sander!
Here's a Quarter, call somebody who cares.
When he came to the fountain of knowledge, he merely gargled.
Why are you here, and what can I do to change that?
May the curse of Mary Malone and her nine blind illegitimate children chase you so far over the hills of Damnation that the Lord himself can't find you with a telescope. - Irish Curse
His IQ is 2 (it takes 3 to grunt)
Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel.
His belt doesn't go through all the loops.
Her slinky's kinked.
I think, therefore, I am ... not related to you. 
You may have a point there, but if you part your hair different, no one would see.
You're more unprepared than a vegetarian at a state barbeque.
I dont know what your problem is, but i'll bet its hard to pronounce!
We have reason to believe that man first walked upright to free his hands for masturbation. 
Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to real life.
"The History of every major Galactic Civilization tends to pass through three distinct and recognizable phases, those of Survival, Inquiry and Sophistication, otherwise known as the How, Why and Where phases. "For instance, the first phase is characterized by the question 'How can we eat?' the second by the question 'Why do we eat?' and the third by the question 'Where shall we have lunch?'"
"The knack of flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss."
Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty neat idea...
There is a theory that states: "If anyone finds out what the universe is for it will disappear and be replaced by something more bazaarly inexplicable." There is another theory that states: "This has already happened...."
This planet has -- or rather had -- a problem, which was this: most of the people living on it were unhappy for pretty much of the time. Many solutions were suggested for this problem, but most of these were largely concerned with the movements of small green pieces of paper, which is odd because on the whole it wasn't the small green pieces of paper that were unhappy.
All my life I said I wanted to be someone...I can see now that I should have been more specific.
Life is wasted on the living.- Zaphod Beeblebrox IV
In the beginning I was made.  I didn't ask to be made.  No one consulted me or considered my feelings in this matter.  But if it brought some passing fancy to some lowly humans as they haphazardly pranced their way through life's mournful jungle then so be it.- Marvin the Paranoid Android
To be, or what?- Sylvester Stallone
Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you wont either. - Joseph Fischer
"Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again." -- Marvin The Paranoid Android
"Laugh and the world laughs with you; snore and you sleep alone. "  Anthony Burgess 
"Space...is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly hugely mindbogglingly big it is. I mean you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. "  Douglas Adams 
In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea.   - Douglas Adam
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Save a tree. Eat a beaver. 
Sorry, no quote today. 
There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't. 
Gravity doesn't excist, the earth sucks.
Blind men don't bungi jump, it scares the dog too much.
Humor is mankind's greatest blessing - Mark Twain 
Humor is the shortest distance between two people - Henry Youngman 
The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed.   - Geoffrey Gorer
"It is a good thing to follow the first law of holes; if you are in one stop digging. "  Denis Healey 
In his novel ''Dog Years,'' Gunter Grass parodies Heideggerese in the character of a German Air Force auxiliary named Stortebeker, who ''created a philosophical schoolboy language that was soon prattled by many, with varying success.'' Every commonplace incident or object can be rechristened in Stortebeker/Heidegger's hilarious language. Underdone potatoes in the mess kitchen, for example, are ''spuds forgetful of Being.'' Stortebeker relaxes by catching rats, so they are the object of some of his best ruminations: ''The rat withdraws itself by unconcealing itself into the ratty. So the rat errates the ratty, illuminating it with errancy. For the ratty has come-to-be in the errancy where the rat errs and so fosters error.''
Does anyone REALLY read these stupid quotes? 
ebius tagline. This is a moebius tagline. This is a mo 
Before you criticize a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you'll be a mile away and have his shoes. 
Love your enemies just in case your friends turn out to be a bunch of bastards. 
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Okay, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its students.
Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math.
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!
Gravity is a myth, the Earth sucks.
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.
I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
Life is sexually transmitted.
A good laugh is sunshine in a house. (William Makepeace Thackeray)
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. (Ashleigh Brilliant)
I have great faith in fools--self-confidence my friends call it. (Edgar Allan Poe)
I never make mistakes. I thought I did once, but I was wrong. (Anonymous)
If Karl, instead of writing a lot about capital, had made a lot of it ... it would have been much better. (Karl Marx's mother)
Egotist: a person more interested in himself than in me. (Ambrose Bierce)
I'd probably be famous now if I wasn't such a good waitress. (Jane Siberry)
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I can please only one person per day.  Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I love deadlines.  I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Am I getting smart with you?  How would you know?
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Needing someone is like needing a parachute.  If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I don't have an attitude problem.  You have a perception problem.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself,  "Where the heck is the ceiling?!"
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: My Reality Check bounced.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: I don't suffer from stress.  I'm a carrier.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, 'cuz, like, you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
Dilbert's Words of Wisdom: Everybody is somebody else's weirdo.
Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is.
If you can't beat your computer at chess, try kickboxing.
He who laughs, lasts.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.        - A. Whitney Brown 
Announcer: This is the story of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, perhaps the most remarkable, certainly the most successful book ever to come out of the great publishing corporation of Ursa Minor. More popular than the Celestial Home Care Omnibus, better selling than 53 More Things to Do in Zero Gravity, and more controversial than Oolon Colluphid's trilogy of philosophical blockbusters: Where God Went Wrong, Some More of God's Greatest Mistakes, and Who Is This God Person, Anyway?
Ford Prefect: We're safe. Arthur Dent: Ah. Good. Ford Prefect: We're in a cabin of one of the spaceships of the Vogon Constructor Fleet. Arthur Dent: Ah. This is obviously some strange usage of the word "safe" that I hadn't previously been aware of. 
Announcer: Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the galaxy lies a small, unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this at a distance of roughly 92 million miles is an utterly insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a really neat idea.
Arthur Dent: You know, it's at times like this, when I'm stuck in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die of asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young. Ford Prefect: Why? What did she tell you? Arthur Dent: I don't know. I didn't listen. 
Announcer: Men were real men. Women were real women. And small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were *real* small, furry creatures from Alpha Centauri.
Marvin: It gives me a headache just trying to think down to your level.
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Computer, if you don't open that exit hatch pretty damn pronto, I shall go straight to your major data banks with a very large axe and give you a reprogramming you will never forget, capisco? [Pause] Okay. Get the axe.
Marvin: Life. Loathe it or ignore it. You can't like it.
Slartibartfast: Is that your robot? Marvin: No. I'm mine. 
Dish of the Day: Good evening, madame and gentlemen. I am the main dish of the day. May I interest you in parts of my body?
Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, Ford! How many escape capsules are there? Ford Prefect: None. Zaphod Beeblebrox: You counted them? Ford Prefect: Twice. 
"Life without you would be like a broken pencil." "How's that?"  "Completely pointless." (Blackadder, Series II)
98% of all statistics are made up. (Anonymous)
Blind people don't bungee jump. It scares the dog too much. 
I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming, terrified, like his passengers. 
When it's fall in New York, the air smells like as if someone's been frying goats in it, and if you are keen to breath the best plan is to open a window and stick your head in a building. -- Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless 
...and the aptly named 'Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film'. -- Monty Python 
10 out of 5 doctors think it's OK to be schizofrenic. 
2 + 2 = 5, for sufficiently large values of 2. 
Roses are red Violets are blue Some poems rhyme But not this 
Quotations are for people who aren't saying things worth quoting. 
Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets anyways? 
I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house.   - Zsa Zsa GaborMurphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy's Third Law: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. 
O'Toole's Commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist. 
(Douglas) Hofstadter's Law: Any computer project will take twice as long as you think it will even when you take into account Hofstadter's law.
Manly's Maxim: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
Cannon's Comment: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Murphy'S Law: If anything can go wrong, it will.
Murphy's Corollary: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
Quantized Revision of Murphy's Law: Everything goes wrong all at once.
O'Toole's Commentary: Murphy was an optimist.
Finagle's First Law: If an experiment works, something has gone wrong.
Gumperson's Law: The probability of anything happening is in inverse ratio to its desirability.
Non-Reciprocal Law of Expectations: Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
Lewis' Law: No matter how long or hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
The Airplane Law: When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to is on time.
Etorre's Observation: The other line moves faster.
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology: There's always one more bug.
Shaw's Principle: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Law of Selective Gravity: An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Sattinger's Law: It works better if you plug it in.
Lowery's Law: If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
Schmidt's Law: If you mess with a thing long enough, it'll break.
Anthony's Law of Force: Don't force it - get a bigger hammer.
Cahn's Axiom: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.
Peer's Law: The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again.
Don't get mad, get even. - Anonymous
Knight's Law: Life is what happens to you while you are making other plans.
Benchley's Law of Distinction: There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.
Harver's Law: A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.
Schmidt's Observation: All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap than a thin person.
Rule of Accuracy: When working towards the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out. - Anonymous
Wyszowski's Law: No experiment is reproducible.
Fett's Law: Never replicate a successful experiment.
Spend sufficient time confirming the need and the need will disappear. - Anonymous
Zymurgy's Law of Volunteer Labour: People are always available for work in the past tense.
Clarke's First Law: When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.
Segal's Law: A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.
Weinberg's Second Law: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
Cole's Axiom: The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.
Vique's Law: A man without a religion is like a fish without a bicycle.
Jone's Motto: Friends come and go but enemies accumulate.
The Ultimate Law: All general statements are false.
The Unspeakable Law: As soon as you mention something; If it is good, it goes away. If it is bad, it happens.
The Whispered Rule: People will believe anything if you whisper it.
The First Law of Wing Walking: Never let hold of what you've got until you've got hold of something else.
Farnsdick's Corollary: After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat itself.
Law of Revelation: The hidden flaw never remains hidden.
Langsam's Law: Everything depends.
First Postulate of Isomurphism: Things equal to nothing else are equal to each other.
Witten's Law: Whenever you cut your fingernails, you will find a need for them an hour later.
Perkin's Postulate: The bigger they are, the harder they hit.
Stewart's Law of Retroaction: It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
MacDonald's Second Law: Consultants are mystical people who ask a company for a number and give it back to them.
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer. - Anonymous
Horngren's Observation: (generalized) The real world is a special case.
Gold's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Woltman's Law: Never program and drink beer at the same time.
Allen's Law: Almost anything is easier to get into than out of.
Allen's Axiom: When all else fails, follow instructions.
Berra's Law: You can observe a lot just by watching.
Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics: 1. An object in motion will be heading in the wrong direction. 2. An object at rest will be in the wrong place.
Sevareid's Law: The chief cause of problems is solutions.
Peer's Law: The solution to the problem changes the problem.
Lyall's Fundamental Observation: The most important leg of a three legged stool is the one that's missing.
Klipstein's Observation: Any product cut to length will be too short.
Sueker's Note: If you need n items of anything, you will have n - 1 in stock.
de la Lastra's Law: After the last of 16 mounting screws has been removed from an access cover, it will be discovered that the wrong access cover has been removed.
Design flaws travel in groups. - Anonymous
Gerrold's Fundamental Truth: It's a good thing money can't buy happiness. We couldn't stand the commercials.
Whenever you hear a man speak of his love for his country, it is a sure sign he expects to be paid for it. - H. L. Menchen 
Murphy's Military Laws: 2. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.
Murphy's Military Laws: 5. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it.
Murphy's Military Laws: 7. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short.
Murphy's Military Laws: 9. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush.
Murphy's Military Laws: 13. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
Murphy's Military Laws: 14. There is nothing more satisfying than having someone take a shot at you, and miss.
Agnes' Law: Almost everything in life is easier to get into than out of.
"Life without you would be like a broken pencil." "How's that?"  "Completely pointless." - Blackadder, Series II
Murphy's Computer Law 1: The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.
Murphy's Computer Law 2: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
Murphy's Computer Law 3: It's morally wrong to allow naive end users to keep their money.
Murphy's Computer Law 4: When all else fails, read the instructions.
Murphy's Computer Law 5: Any suffiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
Murphy's Computer Law 6: The higher the "higher-ups" are who've come to see your demo, the lower your chances are of giving a successful one.
Murphy's Computer Law 7: Every task takes twice as long as you think it will take. If you double the time you think it will take, it will actually take four times as long.
Murphy's Computer Law 8: There is always one item on the screen menu that is mislabeled and should read "ABANDON HOPE ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE".
Murphy's Computer Law 9: A bad sector disk error occurs only after you've done several hours of work without performing a backup.
Murphy's Computer Law 10: No matter how large and standardized the marketplace is, IBM can redefine it.
Murphy's Computer Law 11: To study an application best, understand it thoroughly before you start.
Murphy's Computer Law 12: Always keep a record of data. It indicates you've been working.
Murphy's Computer Law 13: Always draw your curves, then plot the reading.
Murphy's Computer Law 14: In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
Murphy's Computer Law 15: Program results should always be reproducible. They should all fail in the same way.
Murphy's Computer Law 16: Do not believe in miracles. Rely on them.
Murphy's Computer Law 17: Blessed is the end user who expects nothing, for he/she will not be disappointed.
Murphy's Computer Law 18: At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer.
Murphy's Computer Law 19: Any system which depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Murphy's Computer Law 20: Undetectable errors are infinite in variety, in contrast to detectable errors, which by definition are limited.
Murphy's Computer Law 21: Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the probable cost of errors or until someone insists on getting some useful work done.
Murphy's Computer Law 22: The amount of expertise varies in inverse proportion to the number of statements understood by the general public.
Murphy's Computer Law 23: Your "IBM PC-compatible" computer grows more incompatible with every passing moment.
Murphy's Computer Law 24: The first myth of management is that it exists.
Murphy's Computer Law 25: Any give program, when running, is obsolete.
Murphy's Computer Law 26: If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
Murphy's Computer Law 27: If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
Murphy's Computer Law 28: Any given program will expand to fill all available memory.
Murphy's Computer Law 29: The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
Murphy's Computer Law 30: Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capability of the programmer who must maintain it.
Murphy's Computer Law 31: Make it possible for programmers to write programs in English, and you will find that programmers cannot write in English.
Murphy's Computer Law 32: Inside every large program is a small program struggling to get out.
Murphy's Computer Law 33: A program generator creates programes that are more buggy than the program generator.
Murphy's Computer Law 34: There's never time to do it right, but always time to do it over.
Murphy's Computer Law 35: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy's Computer Law 36: Things get worse under pressure.
Murphy's Computer Law 37: The first ninety percent of the task takes ninety percent of the time, and the last ten percent take the other ninety percent.
Murphy's Computer Law 38: The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone he can blame it on.
Murphy's Computer Law 39: An ounce of image is worth a pound of performance.
Murphy's Computer Law 40: Variables won't, constants aren't.
Murphy's Computer Law 41: Murphy was an optimist.
Murphy's Computer Law 42: The solution to a problem changes the problem.
Murphy's Computer Law 43: Inside every complex and unworkable program is a useful routine struggling to be free.
Murphy's Computer Law 44: Judgement comes from experience; experience comes from poor judgement.
Murphy's Computer Law 45: It works better if you plug it in.
Murphy's Computer Law 46: Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will want to use it.
Murphy's Computer Law 47: Give any problem containing N equations, there will N+1 unknowns.
Murphy's Computer Law 48: An object or bit of information most needed will be least available.
Murphy's Computer Law 49: Any device requiring service or adjustment will be least accessible.
Murphy's Computer Law 50: Interchangeable devices won't.
Murphy's Computer Law 51: In any human endeavor, once you have exhausted all possibilities and fail, there will be one solution, simple and obvious, highly visible to everyone else.
Murphy's Computer Law 52: Badness comes in waves.
Murphy's Computer Law 53: After months of training and you finally understand all of a program's commands, a revised version of the program arrives with an all-new command structure.
Murphy's Computer Law 54: After designing a useful routine that gets around a familiar bug in the system, the system is revised, the bug is taken away, and you're left with a useless routine.
Murphy's Computer Law 55: Efforts in improving a program's "user friendliness" invariably lead to work in improving user's "computer literacy".
Murphy's Computer Law 56: That's not a bug, that's a feature!
Murphy's Computer Law 57: An expert is a person who avoids the small errors while sweeping on to the grand fallacy.
Murphy's Computer Law 58: If builders built buildings the way programmers write programs, then the first woodpecker that cames along would destroy civilization.
Murphy's Computer Law 59: Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.
Murphy's Computer Law 60: As soon as a still-to-be-finished computer task becomes a life-or-death situation, the power fails.
Murphy's Law of Research: Enough research will tend to support your theory.
It wasn't until quite late in life that I discovered how easy it is to say, 'I don't know'. - somerset maughm 
Men are wise in proportion not to their experience but to their capacity for experience. - james boswell, 1791 
Their is no lack of opportunity for learning among us. What is lacking is a respect for it. - whitney griswold 
Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist after growing up. - pablo picasso 
Learning is acquired by reading books; but the much more necessary learning, the knowledge of the world, is only to be acquired by reading men, and studying all the various editions of them. - lord chesterfield, 1752 
I cannot live without books. - thomas jefferson 
What we learn after we know it all is what counts. 
Men learn while they teach. - seneca, a.d. 63 
It is the province of knowledge to speak and it is the privilege of wisdom to listen. - oliver wendell holmes 
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. - oscar wilde 
A young man must let his ideas grow, not be continually rooting them up to see how they are getting on. - william mcfee 
If I had my life to live over again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. - tallulah bankhead 
If you plan for a decade, plant trees. If you plan for a century, plant children. 
Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit. - elbert hubbard 
We ought to hear at least one little song every day, read a good poem, see a first-rate painting, and if possible speak a few sensible words. - johann von goethe 
When you reread a classic you do not see more tin the book than you did before; you see more in you than there was before. - clifton fadiman 
The latter part of a wise man's life is taken up in curing the follies, prejudices, and false opinions he contracted in the former. - jonathan swift, 1706 
Every citizen of this country should be taught to know and love his heritage; to use the language well; to understand the physical universe, and to enjoy the arts. The dollars he gains in the absence of enlightenment will be earned in drudgery and spent in ignorance. - calvin gross 
Teaching is not a lost art, but the regard for it is a lost tradition. - jacques barzun 
Learning makes the wise wiser and the fool more foolish. - john ray, 1670 
We have two ears and only one tongue in order that we may hear more and speak less. - diogenes laertius, c 150 b.c. 
Learn to unlearn. - benjamin disraeli 
To be fond of learning is to be at the gate of knowledge. - chinese proverb 
Nothing ever becomes real till it is experienced. - john keats 
Learning is a treasure which will follow its owner everywhere. - chinese proverb 
We can draw lessons from the past, but we cannot live in it. - lyndon johnson 
The more I live the more my mind dwells upon the beauty and the wonder of the world. - john burroughs 
He is educated who knows how to find out what he doesn't know. - george simmel 
A man of learning is never bored. - jean paul richter 
My definition of an educated man is the fellow who knows the right thing to do at the time it has to be done . . . you can be sincere and still be stupid. - charles f. kettering 
Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you. - aldous huxley 
The secret of education lies in respecting the pupil. - ralph waldo emerson 
The ideas I stand for are not mine. I borrowed them from Socrates. I swiped them from Chesterfield. I stole them from Jesus. And I put them in a book. - dale carnegie 
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. - arab proverb 
All that mankind has done, thought, gained or been . . . is lying as in magic preservation in the pages of books. - thomas carlyle 
To myself, I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the seashore, diverting myself now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than the ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me. - sir isaac newton 
The close observer soon discovers that the teacher's task is not to implant facts but to place the subject to be learned in front of the learner and, through sympathy, emotion, imagination, and patience, to awaken in the learner the restless drive for answers and insights which enlarge the personal life and giveit meaning. -  nathan pusey 
The growth of wisdom may be gauged accurately by the decline of ill-temper. - freidrich nietzche 
The clouds may drop down titles and estates; wealth may seek us; but wisdom must be sought. - edward young, 1744 
Where the press is free and every man able to read, all is safe. - thomas jefferson 
Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. - benjamin franklin benjamin franklin 
The differences in human life depend, for the most part, not on what men do, but upon the meaning and purpose of their acts. Wisdom about life consists in taking the inevitable ventures of common existence, and glorifying them. - elton trueblood 
Recognizing what we have done in the past is a recognition of ourselves. By conducting a dialogue with our past, we are searching how to go forward. - kiyoko takeda 
The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him. - thomas fuller 
Wisdom is the reward you get for a lifetime of listening when you'd have preferred to talk. - doug larson 
An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere. The pessimist sees only the red light. But the truly wise person is color blind. - albert schweitzer 
The only lightless dark is the night of darkness in ignorance and insensibility. - helen keller 
Pain makes men think. Thought makes man wise. Wisdom makes life endurable. - john patrick 
Wear your learning, like your watch, in a private pocket; and do not pull it out and strike it, merely to show that you have one. If you are asked what o'clock it is, tell it; but do not proclaim it hourly and unasked, like the watchman. - lord chesterfield, 1748 
Experience is a hard teacher because she gives the test first, the lesson afterwards. - vernon law 
Learning without wisdom is a load of books on an ass's back. - japanese proverb 
We do not remember days, we remember moments. - cesare pavese 
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. - robert frost 
The simplest of schoolboy is now aware of truths for which Archimedes would have given his life. - ernest renan, 1883 
That some good can be derived from every event is a better proposition than that everything happens for the best, which it assuredly does not. - james k. feibleman 
A library, to modify the famous metaphor of Socrates, should be delivery room for the birth of ideas -  a place where history comes to life. - norman cousins 
Any piece of knowledge I acquire today has a value at this moment exactly proportioned to my skill to deal with it. Tomorrow, when I know more, I recall that piece of knowledge and use it better. - mark van doren 
History not used is nothing, for all intellectual life is action, like practical life, and if you don't use the stuff -  well, it might as well be dead. - arnold toynbee 
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. - francis bacon, 1597 
All books are divisible into two classes, the books of the hour, and the books of all time. - john ruskin 
Books give not wisdom where was none before, But where some is, there reading makes it more. - sir john harington, 1613 
The Bible is like a telescope. If a man looks through his telescoope, then he sees worlds beyond; but if he looks at his telescope, then he does not see anything but that. The Bible is a thing to be looked through, to see that which is beyond; but most people only look at it; and so they see only the dead letter. - phillips brooks 
To be conscious that you are ignorant is a great step to knowledge. - benjamin disraeli 
Great minds are like eagles, and build their nest in some lofty solitude. - arthur schopenhauer 
. . . It was in making education not only common to all, but in some sense compulsory on all that the destiny of the free republics of America was practically settled. - james russell lowell, 1870 
Knowledge is the antidote to fear. - ralph waldo emerson 
To be proud of knowledge is to be blind with light. - benjamin franklin 
No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions. - charles p. steinmetz 
Knowledge is proud that it knows so much; wisdom is humble that it knows no more. - william cowper 
Knowledge is happiness, because to have knowledge -  broad deep knowledge -  is to know true ends from false, and lofty things from low. To know the thoughts and deeds that have marked man's progress is to feel the great heart-throbs of humanity through the centuries; and if one does not feel in these pulsations a heavenward striving, one must indeed be deaf to the harmonies of life. - helen keller 
Only the educated are free.  - epictetus, 1st century 
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance.  - derek bok 
Aristotle was asked, What is the difference between an educated man and an uneducated man? The same difference as between being alive and being dead. 
Books have to be read. It is the only way of discovering what they contain. A few savage tribes eat them, but reading is the only method of assimilation revealed to the West.  - e. m. forster 
It is rare that once cannot learn from another or from life's experiences, if the effort is made. Perhaps that is the secret of achieving a peaceful society: searching for each other's unique and special knowledge.A man who lies cannot love. Goldie Hawn
Love is the morning and the evening star. Burt Lancaster
Take away love and our earth is a tomb. Browning
No one loves the man whom he fears. Aristotle
A woman either loves or hates; she knows no medium. Publilius
There is no love sincerer than the love of food. George Bernard Shaw
All for love, and nothing for reward. Edmund Spencer
All the wild witches, those most noble ladies. Yeats
One look at love and you may see it weaves a web of mystery. Enya
Is that what love is?  Using people? Elizabeth Taylor
Just say you love me.  You don't have to mean it. Carolyn Jones
Love is a miracle. George Segal
Love is eternal. Clifton Webb
Love is like the measles: you only get it once. Howard Keel
No one has ever loved you as I love you. Greta Garbo
Would you rather love a girl or have her love you? Jack Nicholson
You don't know what love means. Paul Newman
A woman who is loved always has success. Baum
Anything for the love of words! Andromache
Anyone can afford hate. It costs you to love. John Williamson
And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love... Gibran
Gentle dullness ever loves a joke. - Pope
God is love. But what a mischievous devil Love is. - Butler
I am the Love that dare not speak its name. Lord Douglas
I found god in myself...& I loved her fiercely. N Shange
In love there are two evils: war and peace. Horace, 65
It is far safer to be feared than loved. Niccoli Machiavelli
Love is a kind of warfare. Ovid, 43BC
Love is the crocodile on the river of desire. Bhartrihari, 570
Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind. - Shakespeare
My love thou art, my love I think. - Shakespeare
Never confuse I love you with I want to marry you Cleveland Amory
No man loves life like him that's growing old. Sophocles
Sound loves to revel in a Summer night. Poe.
Take away love and our earth is a tomb. Browning
The love of liberty is the love of others. - Hazlitt
The only victory over love is flight. Napoleon
The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost. Chesterton
Tis brief, my lord. As a woman's love. Shakespeare, Hamlet
True victory gives love and changes the enemy's heart. Ueshiba
You'd be shocked at how your neighbor makes love. Plato
I want to love first, and live incidentally.
The stars blazed like the love of God, cold and distant - R. Zelazny
With all my heart, I still love the man I killed. Bette Davis
Take away love and our earth is a tomb. Browning
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage.  He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.
I did an unbelievable amount of work in the yard.  It's amazing what you can do when your wife puts your mind to it.
Life is spent between episodes of women being mad at you
If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.
My grandson asked me if I still look at young women, I said yes, but I can't remember why.
Three rings of marriage: The engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
When you're swimming in the creek, And an eel bites your cheek, That's a moray!      - Fabulous Furry Freak Bros
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her.
A man generally has two reasons for doing a thing. One that sounds good, and a real one.
Titanic is the greatest love story ever??  Rich girl meets poor boy, poor boy draws rich girl, boat sinks, poor boy dies, rich girl lives to 150.
A relationship is like sand in your hand. If held loosely in the palm of your hand it stays there, but as soon as you close your hand tightly it slips through your fingers.
Love has reasons that reason knows nothing of.
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener
Marriage:  An expensive way of getting your laundry done for free.
My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. 
Needing a man is like needing a parachute. If he isn't there the first time you need him, chances are you won't be needing him again.
The trouble with life is, by the time you can read a girl like a book, your library card has expired.
Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great.
Absence makes the heart go wander.
My wife told me I should be more affectionate, so I got two girlfriends.
Drink 'til she's cute, but stop before the wedding.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.  A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves.  After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
If a man makes a statement in the forest and there isn't a women around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Marriage is an institution.  Love is blind.  Therefore, marriage is an institution for the blind.
I believe in dragons, good men, and other fantasy creatures.
Sex is evil, evil is sin, sins are forgiven, so sex is in!
Love is like a handfull of sand, the harder you hold on to it, the more it slips away.
There's 2 rules to life; Rule 1 Don't sweat the small stuff. Rule 2 It's all small stuff.
Many a man owes his success to his first wife and his second wife to his success.   - Jim Backus
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.    - David Bissonette
I've sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought again.  - Noel Coward, 1957
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.   - Zsa Zsa Gabor
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.  - Sacha Guitry
Marriage is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.   - Lisa Hoffman
She's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.  - Oscar Levant to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe   - Jackie Mason
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside desperate to get out.   - Montaigne
After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.   - Hemant Joshi
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.   - Lana Turner
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West
Women's breasts are like Electric Train Sets:  They're meant for kids, but usually it's the fathers who wind up playin' with them.
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off.
The morning I don't eat, I think about you.  At noon I don't eat, I think about you.  In the evening I don't eat, I think about you.  During the night, I don't sleep - I'm hungry !
Choose your love wisely.  Love your choice always.
Tell a man there are a billion stars in the sky and he will believe you. Tell him there is wet paint on the bench and he will have to touch it to be sure.
Give a man a beer, he'll waste an hour.  Teach a man to brew, he'll waste a lifetime.
I'm the man in this house so I always get the last word -"Yes, dear"
La plus belle fleur du monde perdra un jour de sa couleur mais l'amour sincere resplendira toujours.
We slip and slide when we fall in love and we just can't seem to get enough... - Depeche Mode
Love is a many splintered thing.
Notes for a ballet, "The Spell":    Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon.  Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman - unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ...
What is a true lovers kiss? Like the lick of a flame.
Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
Infatuation is the state of mind which has nothing to do with the mind.
The 3 stages of sex: Tri-weekly, try weekly, try weakly.
By the time you swear you're his, Shivering and sighing, And he vows his passion is Infinite, undying - Lady make note of this: One of you is lying. - Dorothy Parker "Unfortunate Coincidence"
Seduce my mind and you can have my body, find my soul and I'm yours forever.
Men are from Earth; Women are from Earth.  Deal with it.
"I like frogs, and their outlook, and the way they get together in wet places on warm nights and sing about sex." --overheard at the New England Aquarium
Don't make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain't.
I like two things stiff in life and one of them is jello.  - Mae West
In my house I am king, and my law is that whatever my wife says shall be done.
My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."
"Excuse me, but I'm in a hurry! You've been in that phone booth for twenty minutes and didn't say a word!"    "Sir, I'm talking to my wife."
Relationships are hard. It's like a full-time job, and we should treat it like one.   If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
Dancing is a vertical expression of a horizontal desire.
Beauty is quite different from charm, beauty is what you notice in a woman, charm is when a woman notices you.
The longer you wait, the better the date.
To all you virgins... thanks for nothing.
Share your smile with everyone, but save your kiss for only one.
Don't be sexist. Broads hate that.
Never chase after a man or a train - another one will always come along.
We like because, we love although.
It is better to give a rock out of love than a diamond out of duty.
Do married people live longer than single people or does it just SEEM longer?
Marriage is Grand, Divorce is twenty Grand.
People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people.
"I never married because there was no need. I have three pets at home which answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night."  -Marie Corelli
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.  A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Married men live longer than single men, but they're a lot more willing to die.
Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no point in two people remembering the same thing...
The best part of love is losing all sense of reality.  - Don Juan de Marco
Yeah. Is everything in place? You weren't supposed to relieve me. I know, but I felt like taking your shift. You like him, don't you? You like watching him. Don't be ridiculous. We're going to kill him, do you understand that? Morpheus believes he is the One. Do you? It doesn't matter what I believe. You don't, do you? Did you hear that? Hear what?Are you sure this line is clean? Yeah, of course I'm sure.I better go. - Cypher and Trinity, The Matrix
Lieutenant...Oh shit. Lieutenant, you were given specific orders. Hey, I'm just doing my job. You give me that juris-my-diction crap, you can cram it up your ass. Your orders were for your protection. I think we can handle one little girl.... I sent two units. They're bringing her down now. No, Lieutenant, your men are already dead. - Agent Smith and Lieutenant, The Matrix
Shit.... Morpheus, the line was traced, I don't know how. I know, they cut the hard line. There's no time, you're going to have to get to another exit. Are there any agents? Yes. God-dammit. You have to focus, Trinity. There's a phone at Wells and Lake. You can make it. All right. Go. - Trinity and Morpheus, The Matrix
Get up Trinity. Just get up. Get up. - Trinity, The Matrix
She got out. It doesn't matter. The informant is real. Yes. We have the name of their next target. The name is Neo. We'll need a search running. It has already begun.  - Agents Brown, Smith and Jones, The Matrix
It's Choi. Yeah. Yeah. You're two hours late. I know, it's her fault. - Choi and Neo, The Matrix
Hallelujah. You're my savior, man. My own personal Jesus Christ. You get caught using that... Yeah, I know. This never happened. You don't exist. Right. - Choi and Neo, The Matrix
Something wrong, man? You look a little whiter than usual. My computer, it... You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're awake or still dreaming? Mmm, all the time. It's called Mescaline. It's the only way to fly. Hey, it just sounds to me like you need to unplug, man. You know, get some R and R. What do you think, DuJour? Should we take him with us? Definitely. I can't, I have work tomorrow. Come on, It'll be fun. I promise. - Choi, Neo and DuJour, The Matrix
Hello, Neo. How do you know that name? I know a lot about you. Who are you? My name is Trinity. Trinity. *The* Trinity? That cracked the IRS d-base? That was a long time ago. Jesus. What? I just thought, um...you were a guy. Most guys do. - Trinity and Neo, The Matrix
Please just listen. I know why you're here, Neo. I know what you've been doing. I know why you hardly sleep, why you live alone, and why night after night you sit at your computer. You're looking for him. I know, because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for him. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us, Neo. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question just as I did. What is the Matrix? - Trinity and Neo, The Matrix
You have a problem with authority, Mr. Anderson. You believe that you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. Obviously you are mistaken. This company is one of the top software companies in the world because every single employee understands that they are part of a whole. Thus if an employee has a problem, the company has a problem. The time has come to make a choice, Mr. Anderson. Either you choose to be at your desk on time from this day forth or you choose to find yourself another job. Do I make myself clear? Yes, Mr. Rhineheart, perfectly clear. - Mr. Rhineheart and Neo, The Matrix
Hello, Neo. Do you know who this is? Morpheus. Yes. I've been looking for you, Neo. I don't know if you're ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately you and I have run out of time. They're coming for you, Neo, and I don't know what they're going to do. Who's coming for me? Stand up and see for yourself. What, right now. Yes, now. Do it slowly. The elevator. Oh shit. Yes.... - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
There are two ways out of this building. One is that scaffold, the other is in their custody. You take a chance either way. I leave it to you. This is insane. Why is this happening to me? What did I do? I'm nobody. I'm gonna die. I didn't do anything.... Shit.... Shit. I can't do this. - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
As you can see, we've had our eye on you for some time now, Mr. Anderson. It seems that you've been living two lives. In one life, you're Thomas A. Anderson, program writer for a respectable software company, you have a social security number, you pay your taxes, and you help your landlady carry out her garbage. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias Neo and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not. I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can be, Mr. Anderson. You're here because we need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a certain individual, a man who calls himself Morpheus. Now whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive. My colleagues believe that I am wasting my time with you but I believe that you wish to do the right thing. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start and all that were asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known terrorist to justice. Yeah. Wow, that sounds like a really good deal. But I think I got a better one. How about I give you the finger... and you give me my phone call. - Agent Smith and Neo, The Matrix
Um, Mr. Anderson. You disappoint me. You can't scare me with this Gestapo crap. I know my rights. I want my phone call. Tell me, Mr. Anderson, what good is a phone call if you're unable to speak.... You're going to help us, Mr. Anderson whether you want to or not. - Agent Smith and Neo, The Matrix
This line is tapped, so I must be brief. They got to you first, but they've underestimated how important you are. If they knew what I know, you would probably be dead. What are you talking about. What...what is happening to me? You are the One, Neo. You see you may have spent the last few years looking for me, but I've spent my entire life looking for you. Now do you still want to meet? - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
Take off your shirt. What? Stop the car. Listen to me, Copper-top. We don't have time for twenty questions. Right now there's only one rule, our way or the highway. - Switch and Neo, The Matrix
What is that thing? We think you're bugged.... Try and relax.... - Neo and Trinity, The Matrix
This is it. Let me give you one piece of advice. Be honest. He knows more than you can imagine.	- Trinity, The Matrix
At last. Welcome, Neo. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Morpheus. It's an honor to meet you. No, the honor is mine. Please, come. Sit. I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole? Hmm?	- Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he's expecting to wake up. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Neo? No. Why not? Because I don't like the idea that I'm not in control of my life. - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with the world. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about? The Matrix? - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
Do you want to know what IT IS? The Matrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. What truth? That you are a slave, Neo. Like everyone else you were born into bondage, born into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind. Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Matrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You take the blue pill, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.... Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more.... - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
The pill you took is part of a trace program. It's designed to disrupt your input/output carrier signal so we can pinpoint your location. What does that mean? It means buckle your seat belt, Dorothy, cuz Kansas is going bye-bye. - Morpheus, Neo and Cypher, The Matrix
Have you ever had a dream, Neo, that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream? How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world? This can't be... Be what? Be real? - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
Welcome to the real world. - Morpheus, The Matrix
Am I dead? Far from it.	- Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
Why are my eyes sore? You've never used them before. Rest, Neo. The answers are coming.	- Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
You believe it's the year 1999 when in fact it's closer to 2199. I can't tell you exactly what year it is because we honestly don't know. There's nothing I can say that will explain it for you, Neo. Come with me. See for yourself.	- Morpheus, The Matrix
This is the construct. It's our loading program. We can load anything from clothing, to equipment, weapons, training simulations, anything we need. Right now we're inside a computer program? Is it really so hard to believe? Your clothes are different. The plugs in your arms and head are gone. Your hair is changed. Your appearance now is what we call residual self image. It is the mental projection of your digital self.	- Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
This...this isn't real? What is real. How do you define real? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. This is the world that you know. The world as it was at the end of the twentieth century. It exists now only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call the Matrix. You've been living in a dream world, Neo. This is the world as it exists today.... Welcome to the Desert of the Real. We have only bits and pieces of information but what we know for certain is that at some point in the early twenty-first century all of mankind was united in celebration. We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth to AI.- Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
A singular consciousness that spawned an entire race of machines. We don't know who struck first, us or them. But we know that it was us that scorched the sky. At the time they were dependent on solar power and it was believed that they would be unable to survive without an energy source as abundant as the sun. Throughout human history, we have been dependent on machines to survive. Fate it seems is not without a sense of irony. The human body generates more bio-electricity than a 120-volt battery and over 25,000 BTU's of body heat. Combined with a form of fusion the machines have found all the energy they would ever need. There are fields, endless fields, where human beings are no longer born, we are grown. For the longest time I wouldn't believe it, and then I saw the fields with my own eyes. Watch them liquefy the dead so they could be fed intravenously to the living. And standing there, facing the pure horrifying precision, I came to realize the obviousness of the truth. What is the Matrix? Control. The Matrix is a computer generated dream world built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into this. No. I don't believe it. It's not possible. I didn't say it would be easy, Neo. I just said it would be the truth. - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
I can't go back, can I? No. But if you could, would you really want to? I feel I owe you an apology. We have a rule. We never free a mind once it's reached a certain age. It's dangerous, the mind has trouble letting go. I've seen it before and I'm sorry. I did what I did because...I had to. When the Matrix was first built, there was a man born inside who had the ability to change whatever he wanted, to remake the Matrix as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, taught us the truth. As long as the Matrix exists the human race will never be free. After he died the Oracle prophesied his return and that his coming would hail the destruction of the Matrix, end the war, bring freedom to our people. That is why there are those of us who have spent our entire lives searching the Matrix looking for him. I did what I did because I believe that search is over. Get some rest, you're going to need it. For what? Your training. - Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
Morning, did you sleep? You will tonight, I guarantee it. I'm Tank, I'll be your operator. You don't...you don't have any... Holes? Nope. Me and my brother, Dozer, we're both one hundred percent pure, old fashioned, home grown human, born free right here in the real world. A genuine child of Zion. - Tank and Neo, The Matrix
Deep underground, near the earth's core where it's still warm. Live long enough you might even see it. God-damn, I...I got to tell you, I'm fairly excited to see what you're capable of, if Morpheus is right and all...I'm not supposed to talk about this, but if you are...it's a very exciting time. We've got a lot to do. We got to get to it.... Now, we're supposed to start with these operation programs first, that's a major boring shit. Let's do something a little more fun. How about combat training. Ju Jitsu? I'm going to learn Ju Jitsu?... Holy shit! Hey Mikey, I think he likes it. How about some more? - Tank and Neo, The Matrix
I know Kung Fu. Show me. - Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
This is a sparring program, similar to the programmed reality of the Matrix. It has the same basic rules, rules like gravity. What you must learn is that these rules are no different that the rules of a computer system. Some of them can be bent. Others can be broken. Understand? Then hit me if you can.... Good. Adaptation, improvisation. But your weakness is not your technique. - Morpheus, The Matrix
Morpheus: How did I beat you? You're...you're too fast.
Do you believe that my being stronger or faster has anything to do with my muscles in this place? You think that's air you're breathing now? - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
What are you waiting for? You're faster than this. Don't think you are. Know you are.... Come on. Stop trying to hit me and hit me! - Morpheus, The Matrix
I know what you're trying to do. I'm trying to free your mind, Neo, but I can only show you the door. You're the one that has to walk through it. Tank, load the jump program.... You have to let it all go, Neo, fear, doubt, and disbelief. Free your mind. - Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
So what if he makes it? No one's ever made the first jump. I know, I know. But what if he does? He won't. - Mouse and Apoc, The Matrix
Wha...what does that mean? It doesn't mean anything. Everybody falls the first time. Right, Trin? - Mouse, Switch and Cypher, The Matrix
If you're killed in the Matrix, you die here? The body cannot live without the mind. - Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
I don't remember you ever bringing me dinner. There is something about him, isn't there? Don't tell me you're a believer now? - Cypher and Trinity, The Matrix
The Matrix is a system, Neo. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see? Business men, teachers, lawyers, carpenters. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are not ready to be unplugged. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly dependent on the system that they will fight to protect it. Were you listening to me Neo, or were you looking at the woman in the red dress? - Morpheus, The Matrix
This...this isn't the Matrix? No. It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you are not one of us, you are one of them. - Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
Sentient programs. They can move in and out of any software still hard wired to their system. That means that anyone we haven't unplugged is potentially an agent. Inside the Matrix, they are everyone and they are no one. We are survived by hiding from them, by running from them. But they are the gatekeepers. They are guarding all the doors. They are holding all the keys, which means that sooner or later, someone is going to have to fight them.	- Morpheus, The Matrix
I've seen an agent punch through a concrete wall. Men have emptied entire clips at them and hit nothing but air. Yet their strength and their speed are still based in a world that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be. What are you trying to tell me, that I can dodge bullets? No Neo. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to. - Morpheus and Neo, The Matrix
Is that... The Matrix? Yeah. Do you always look at it encoded? Well you have to. The image translators work for the construct program. But there's way too much information to decode the Matrix. You get used to it. I... I don't even see the code. All I see is blonde, brunette, red-head. Hey, you a... want a drink? - Neo and Cypher, The Matrix
You know, um, I know what you're thinking, because right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here. Why, oh why didn't I take the *blue* pill?... Good shit, huh. Dozer makes it. It's good for two things, degreasing engines and killing brain cells. So, can I ask you something? Did he tell you why he did it, why you're here? Jesus. What a mind job. So you're here to save the world. What do you say to something like that? A little piece of advice. You see an agent, you do what we do. Run. You run your ass off. Thanks for the drink. Sweet dreams. - Cypher and Neo, The Matrix
You know, I know this steak doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Matrix is telling my brain that it is juicy and delicious. After nine years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is bliss. - Cypher, The Matrix
Then we have a deal? I don't want to remember nothing. Nothing. You understand? And I want to be rich. You know, someone important, like an actor. Whatever you want, Mr. Reagan. - Agent Smith and Cypher, The Matrix
Here you go, buddy. Breakfast of champions. If you close your eyes it almost feels like you're eating runny eggs. Yeah, or a bowl of snot. - Tank, Mouse and Apoc, The Matrix
Do you know what it really reminds me of? Tasty Wheat. Did you ever eat Tasty Wheat? No, but technically, neither did you. That's exactly my point. Exactly. Because you have to wonder now. How did the machines know what Tasty Wheat tasted like. huh?. Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think Tasty Wheat tasted like actually tasted like oatmeal or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken for example, maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything. Maybe couldn't figure out... Shut up, Mouse. - Mouse, Switch and Apoc, The Matrix
It's a single cell protein combined with synthetic aminos, vitamins, and minerals. Everything the body needs. It doesn't have everything the body needs. So I understand that you've run through the agent training program. You know, I wrote that program. Here it comes. So what did you think of her? - Dozer, Mouse and Apoc, The Matrix So what did you think of her? Of who? The woman in the red dress? I designed her. She, um...well she doesn't talk very much, but...but if you'd like to meet her, I can arrange a much more personalized milieu. Digital pimp, hard at work. Pay no attention to these hypocrites, Neo. To deny our own impulses is to deny the very thing that makes us human. - Mouse, Neo and Switch, The Matrix
God. What? I used to eat there. Really good noodles. I have these memories from my life. None of them happened. What does that mean? Trinity: That the Matrix cannot tell you who you are. And an Oracle can? That's different.	- Neo and Trinity, The Matrix
And she knows what, everything? She would say she knows enough. And she's never wrong. Try not to think of it in terms of right and wrong. She is a guide. She can help you to find the path. She helped you? Yes. What did she tell you? That I would find the One.... - Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
Hello, Neo. You're right on time.... Make yourself at home, Morpheus. Neo, come with me.... These are the other potentials, you can wait here. - Priestess, The Matrix
Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead, only try to realize the truth. What truth? There is no spoon. There is no spoon? Then you'll see that it is not the spoon that bends, it is only yourself. - Little boy with spoon and Neo, The Matrix
You're the Oracle? Bingo. Not quite what you were expecting, right? Almost done. Smell good, don't they? Yeah. I'd ask you to sit down, but you're not going to anyway. And don't worry about the vase. What vase? That vase. - Neo and the Oracle, The Matrix
How did you know? Oh, what's really going to bake your noodle later on is, would you still have broken it if I hadn't said anything. You're cuter than I thought. I can see why she likes you. Who? Not too bright, though. You know why Morpheus brought you to see me? I think so. So, what do you think? You think you're the One? - Neo and the Oracle, The Matrix
You know what that means? It's Latin. Means Know thyself. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Being the One is just like being in love. No one can tell you you're in love, you just know it. Through and through. Balls to bones. - The Oracle, The Matrix
Morpheus. He...uh...he almost had me convinced. I know. Poor Morpheus. Without him we're lost. What do you mean, without him? Are you sure you want to hear this? Morpheus believes in you, Neo. And no one, not you, not even me can convince him otherwise. He believes it so blindly that he's going to sacrifice his life to save yours. What? You're going to have to make a choice. In the one hand you'll have Morpheus' life and in the other hand you'll have your own. One of you is going to die. Which one will be up to you. I'm sorry, kiddo, I really am. You have a good soul, and I hate giving good people bad news. Oh, don't worry about it. As soon as you step outside that door, you'll start feeling better. You'll remember you don't believe in any of this fate crap. You're in control of your own life, remember? Here, take a cookie. I promise, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain. - Neo and the Oracle, The Matrix
Whoa, deja vu. What did you just say? Nothing, I just had a little deja vu. What did you see? What happened? A black cat went past us, and then another that looked just like it. How much like it, was it the same cat? Might have been, I'm not sure. Neo: What is it? A deja vu is usually a glitch in the Matrix. It happens when they change something. - Neo, Trinity and Cypher, The Matrix
Neo. I hope the Oracle gave you some good news. - Apoc, The Matrix
The great Morpheus. We meet at last. And you are. A Smith. Agent Smith. You all look the same to me. - Agent Smith and Morpheus, The Matrix
Hello, Trinity. Cypher? Where's Tank? You know, for a long time, I thought I was in love with you. I used to dream about you. You're a beautiful woman, Trinity. Too bad things had to turn out this way. - Cypher and Trinity, The Matrix
I'm tired, Trinity. I tired of this war. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of this ship, of being cold, eating the same God-damn goop everyday. But most of all, I'm tired of that jack-off and all of his bullshit. Surprise ass-hole. I bet you never saw this coming, did you? God, I wish I could be there, when they break ya. I wish I could walk in just when it happens. So right then, you'd know it was me. - Cypher, The Matrix
You gave him Morpheus. He lied to us, Trinity. He tricked us! If you'da told us the truth, we woulda told you to shove that red pill right up your ass. That's not true, Cypher, he set us free. Free? You call this free? All I do is what he tells me to do. If I had to choose between that and the Matrix, I choose the Matrix. - Trinity and Cypher, The Matrix
The Matrix isn't real. I disagree, Trinity. I think the Matrix can be more real than this world. All I do is pull the plug here. But there, you have to watch Apoc die. - Cypher and Trinity, The Matrix
Welcome to the real world, huh, baby? But you're out, Cypher. You can't go back. Oh, no. That's what you think. They're going to reinsert my body. I go back to sleep, and when I wake up, I won't remember a God-damn thing. By the way, if you have anything terribly important to say to Switch, I suggest you say it now. Oh, no, please don't. Too late. 	- Cypher and Trinity, The Matrix
Don't hate me, Trinity. I'm just a messenger, and right now I'm going to prove it to you. If Morpheus was right, then there's no way I can pull this plug. I mean if Neo's the one, then there'd have to be some kind of a miracle to stop me. Right? I mean how can he be the one if he's dead? You never did answer me before. If you bought into Morpheus' bullshit - come on - all I want is a little yes or no. Look into his eyes, those big pretty eyes and tell me. Yes or no. - Cypher, The Matrix
I don't believe it. Believe it or not, you piece of shit, you're still gonna burn. - Cypher and Tank, The Matrix
Have you ever stood and stared at it, marveled at it's beauty, it's genius? Billions of people just living out their lives, oblivious. Did you know that the first Matrix was designed to be a perfect human world. Where none suffered. Where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire crops were lost. Some believed that we lacked the programming language to describe your perfect world. But I believe that as a species, human beings define their reality through misery and suffering. The perfect world was a dream that your primitive cerebrum kept trying to wake up from. Which is why the Matrix was redesigned to this, the peak of your civilization. I say your civilization because as soon as we started thinking for you it really became our civilization which is of course what this is all about. Evolution, Morpheus, evolution. Like the dinosaur. Look out that window. You had your time. The future is our world, Morpheus. The future is our time. There could be a problem. 	- Agents Smith and Brown, The Matrix
What are they doing to him? Breaking into his mind. It's like hacking into a computer, all it takes is time. - Neo and Tank, The Matrix
Zion's more important than me or you or even Morpheus. Well there has to be something that we can do. There is. We pull the plug. You're going to kill him? Kill Morpheus? We don't have any other choice. - Tank, Neo and Trinity, The Matrix
Never send a human to do a machine's job. If indeed the insider has failed, they'll sever the connection as soon as possible, unless... They're dead, in either case... - Agents Smith, Brown and Jones, The Matrix
Stop! I don't believe this is happening. Neo, this has to be done. Does it? I don't know, I... this can't be just coincidence. It can't be. What are you talking about? The Oracle. She told me this would happen. She told me that I would have to make a choice. What choice?... What are you doing? I'm going in. - Neo, Tank and Trinity, The Matrix
I'm going in. No you're not. I have to. Neo, Morpheus sacrificed himself so that he could get you out. There's no way that you're going back in. Morpheus did what he did because he believed I am something I'm not. What? I'm not the One, Trinity. The Oracle hit me with that too. - Neo and Trinity, The Matrix
I'm not the One, Trinity. The Oracle hit me with that too. No. You have to be. Sorry, I'm not. I'm just another guy. No, Neo. That's not true. It can't be true. - Neo and Trinity, The Matrix
Neo, this is loco. They've got Morpheus in a military controlled building. Even if you somehow got inside, those are agents holding him. Three of them. I want Morpheus back too, but what you're talking about is suicide. I know that's what it looks like, but it's not. I can't explain to you why it's not. Morpheus believed something and he was ready to give his life for what he believed. I understand that now. But that's why I have to go. Why? Because I believe in something. - Tank and Neo, The Matrix
I believe I can bring him back.... What are you doing? I'm going with you. No, you're not. No? Let me tell you what I believe. I believe Morpheus means more to me than he does to you. I believe if you're really serious about saving him you are going to need my help. And since I am the ranking officer on this ship, if you don't like, I believe you can go to hell. Because you aren't going anywhere else. Tank, load us up. - Neo and Trinity, The Matrix
I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species. I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed. And the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You are a plague, and we are the cure. - Agent Smith, The Matrix
Okay. What do you need - besides a miracle? Guns. Lots of guns. Neo, no one has ever done anything like this. That's why it's going to work. - Tank, Neo and Trinity, The Matrix
Why isn't the serum working? Perhaps we're asking the wrong questions. Leave me with him. Now. - Agents Smith and Brown, The Matrix
Can you hear me, Morpheus? I'm going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It's repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here. I must get free and in this mind is the key, my key. Once Zion is destroyed there is no need for me to be here, do you understand? I need the codes. I have to get inside Zion, and you have to tell me how. You're going to tell me or you're going to die. - Agent Smith, The Matrix
Would you please remove any metallic items you're carrying, keys, loose change.... Holy shit! Backup. Send backup! - The Matrix
What were you doing? He doesn't know. Know what? - Agents Brown, Jones and Smith, The Matrix
Find them and destroy them. - Agent Smith, The Matrix
Dodge this. - Trinity, The Matrix
How did you do that? Do what? You moved like they do. I've never seen anyone move that fast. Wasn't fast enough. Can you fly that thing? Not yet. - Trinity and Neo, The Matrix
Tank, I need a pilot program for a V-212 helicopter. Hurry.... Let's go.- Trinity, The Matrix
I knew it. He's the One. - Tank, The Matrix
Do you believe it now, Trinity?	- Morpheus, The Matrix
The Oracle, she told me I'm... She told you exactly what you needed to hear, that's all. Neo, sooner or later you're going to realize, just as I did, there's a difference between knowing the path and walking the path. - Neo and Morpheus, The Matrix
Damn it. The trace was completed. We have their position. The sentinels are standing by. Order the strike. They're not out yet. - Agents Smith, Brown and Jones, The Matrix
I want to tell you something. But I'm afraid of what it could mean if I do. Everything the Oracle told me has come true.  Everything but this. 	- Trinity, The Matrix
You're empty. So are you.- Agent Smith and Neo, The Matrix
Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson. My name is Neo! - Agent Smith and Neo, The Matrix
Shit, that's my phone! That guy took my phone! - The Matrix
Mr. Wizard, get me the hell out of here. Got a patch on an old exit, Wabash and Lake. Oh shit.... Help. Need a little help. Door.... The door on your left. No, your other left.... that door.- Neo and Tank, The Matrix
I'm not afraid anymore. The Oracle told me that I would fall in love, and that man, the man that I loved would be the One. So you see, you can't be dead. You can't be, because I love you. You hear me? I love you.... Now get up.- Trinity, The Matrix
How? He is The One. - Tank and Morpheus, The Matrix
I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of us. You're afraid of change. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a world without you, a world without rules and controls, without borders or boundaries, a world where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you. - Neo, The Matrix
Well, it's not the men in your life that counts, it's the life in your men. 
Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're gonna get. 
Frankly, my dear. I don't give a damn.  
...a pity I never had children. But you're wrong...I have...thousands of them...thousands of them...and all boys! 
I am big. It's the pictures that got small. 
I'd hate to take a bite out of you. You're a cookie full of arsenic.  
Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain ... the ... Great ... er ... Oz has spoken. 
Badges? We ain't got no badges! We don't need no badges. I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges! 
Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms.  
Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did.  
As God is my witness, as God is my witness, they're not going to lick me! I'm going to live through this, and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again - no, nor any of my folks! If I have to lie, steal, cheat, or kill! As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.  
...I'm as mad as hell, and I'm not going to take this anymore! 
Fat man, you shoot a great game of pool. 
I'm not living with you. We occupy the same cage, that's all. 
Gentlemen. You can't fight in here. This is the War Room!  
If they move, kill 'em.  
Well, nobody's perfect.  
Tell me, how did you find America?Turn left at Greenland. 
Play it once, Sam, for old times' sake...Play it, Sam. Play 'As Time Goes By.'
It took more than one man to change my name to Shanghai Lily. 
Toto, I've a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore. 
I'll have what she's having.  
If you don't get the President of the United States on that phone, do you know what's gonna happen to you?...You're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company.  
Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death!  
...Crime is only a left-handed form of human endeavor. 
I wouldn't give you two cents for all your fancy rules if, behind them, they didn't have a little bit of plain, ordinary, everyday kindness and a - a little looking out for the other fella, too... 
Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy night.  
I stick my neck out for nobody.  
Can I borrow your underpants for ten minutes?  
I am...Drac-u-la...I bid you welcome. 
Use the Force, Luke.  
The, uh, stuff that dreams are made of. 
And what is love? Love is the mornin' and the evenin' star. 
Oh, Jerry, don't let's ask for the moon. We have the stars.  
I love you. You...complete me.Shut up. Just shut up. You had me at 'hello'.
I was reading a book the other day...Yes. It's all about civilization or something, a nutty kind of a book. Do you know that the guy said that machinery is going to take the place of every profession?
Here's looking at you, kid.  
Love means never having to say you're sorry. 
You give me powders, pills, baths, injections, enemas - when all I need is love. 
You know how to whistle, don't you, Steve? You just put your lips together - and blow. 
Insanity runs in my family. It practically gallops. 
We find the defendants incredibly guilty.  
What a dump! 
I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen.  
You want answers?I want the truth!You can't handle the truth!  
When I want to know anything from you, I'll tell you, you long-legged son of a -If you want to call me that, smile.
Hasta la vista, baby. 
Yes, Jane. You? Jane. (Jane.) And you? You?Tarzan, Tarzan. NOT(Me) Tarzan...(You) Jane.
You're not too smart, are you? I like that in a man. 
People here are funny. They work so hard at living they forget how to live. 
What do you mean, I'm funny?...You mean the way I talk? What?...Funny how? I mean, what's funny about it?...But I'm funny how? I mean, funny like I'm a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? I'm here to f--kin' amuse you? What do you mean, funny? Funny how? How'm I funny??...How the f--k am I funny? What the f--k is so funny about me? Tell me? Tell me what's funny!...  
I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them long winter evenings. 
I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way.  
Your eyes are full of hate, Forty-One. That's good. Hate keeps a man alive. 
You shouldn't ask me for advice...When it comes to relationships with women, I'm the winner of the August Strindberg award.  
Now that we're through with Humiliate the Host...and we don't want to play Hump the Hostess yet...how about a little round of Get the Guests? 
Now go out there and be so swell that you'll make me hate you. 
I love the smell of napalm in the morning...smells like...victory.  
Yippie kay-yay, mother@#!%er.  
Louis, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.  
Behold the walls of Jericho! Uh, maybe not as thick as the ones that Joshua blew down with his trumpet, but a lot safer. You see, uh, I have no trumpet.
And how can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter. - Woody Allen
At the opera in Milan with my daughter and me, Needleman leaned out of his box and fell into the orchestra pit. Too proud to admit it was a mistake, he attended the opera every night for a month and repeated it each time. - Woody Allen
Eighty percent of success is showing up. - Woody Allen
I am at two with nature. - Woody Allen
I do not believe in an afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear. - Woody Allen
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying. - Woody Allen
I have an intense desire to return to the womb. Anybody's! - Woody Allen
I think you should defend to the death their right to march, and then go down and meet them with baseball bats. - Woody Allen, on the KKK
I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia. - Woody Allen
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick  - not wounded  - dead.
I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. - Woody Allen
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. - Woody Allen
Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who cannot remember where they left things. - Woody Allen
Is sex dirty? Only when it's being done right. - Woody Allen
It is no secret that organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year. This is quite a profitable sum, especially when one considers that the Mafia spends very little for office supplies. - Woody Allen
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better ... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. - Woody Allen
It's impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. - Woody Allen
It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. - Woody Allen
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. - Woody Allen
Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. - Woody Allen
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. - Woody Allen
More than any time in history mankind faces a crossroads. One path leads to despair and utter hopelessness, the other to total extinction. Let us pray that we have the wisdom to choose correctly. - Woody Allen
My one regret in life is that I am not someone else. - Woody Allen
No matter how cynical you are, you can't keep up. - Woody Allen
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. - Woody Allen
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down. - Woody Allen
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it. - Woody Allen
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you can get between the right man and the right woman. - Woody Allen
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of the best. - Woody Allen
Should I marry W.? Not if she won't tell me the other letters in her name. - Woody Allen
Some people hope to achieve immortality through their works or their children. I would prefer to achieve it by not dying. - Woody Allen
The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you. - Woody Allen
The good people sleep much better at night than the bad people. Of course, the bad people enjoy the waking hours much more. - Woody Allen
The great roe is a mythological beast with the head of a lion and the body of a lion, though not the same lion. - Woody Allen
The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much sleep. - Woody Allen
To YOU I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. - Woody Allen
What do I dislike about death? Must be the hours. - Woody Allen
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen
What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream? Or what's worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists? - Woody Allen
Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered? - Woody Allen
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage. - Woody Allen
We have art in order not to die of the truth. - Friedrich Nietzsche  
Not infrequently, one encounters copies of important people; and, as with paintings, most people prefer the copy to the orginal. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. - Friedrich Nietzsche
There are no moral phenomena at all, but only moral interpretation of phenomena. - Friedrich Nietzsche
I know my fate. One day my name will be associated with the memory of something tremendous--a crisis without equal on earth, the most profound collision of conscience, a decision that was conjured up against everything that had been believed, demanded, hallowed so far. I am no man, I am dynamite. - Friedrich Nietzsche  
Gods too decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Verily, I have often laughed at the weaklings who thought themselves good because they had no claws. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously! - Friedrich Nietzsche
He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Wit is the epitaph of an emotion. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Talking much about oneself can also be a means to conceal oneself. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Without music, life would be a mistake. - Friedrich Nietzsche
We should consider every day lost on which we have not danced at least once. And we should call every truth false which was not accompanied by at least one laugh. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Morality is the best of all devices for leading mankind by the nose. - Friedrich Nietzsche
To do great things is difficult, but to command great things is more difficult. - Friedrich Nietzsche
"Every man has his price." This is not true. But for every man there exists a bait which he cannot resist swallowing. To win over certain people to something, it is only necessary to give it a gloss of love of humanity, nobility, gentleness, self-sacrifice - and there is nothing you cannot get them to swallow. To their souls, these are the icing, the tidbit; other kinds of souls have others. - Friedrich Nietzsche
To forget one's purpose is the commonest form of stupidity. - Friedrich Nietzsche
The most common lie is that which one lies to himself; lying to others is relatively an exception. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Faith: not wanting to know what is true. - Friedrich Nietzsche
All good things were at one time bad things; every original sin has developed into an original virtue. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Woman was God's second blunder. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Morality is the herd instinct of the individual. - Friedrich Nietzsche
I teach you the superman. Man is something to be surpassed. - Friedrich Nietzsche
The bite of conscience, like the bite of a dog into a stone, is a stupidity. - Friedrich Nietzsche
All truth is simple... is that not doubly a lie? - Friedrich Nietzsche
What? Is man merely a mistake of God's? Or God merely a mistake of  man's? - Friedrich Nietzsche
To live alone one must be a beast or a god, says Aristotle. Leaving out the third case: one must be both -- a philosopher. - Friedrich Nietzsche
To educate educators! But the first ones must educate themselves! And for these I write. - Friedrich Nietzsche
One often contradicts an opinion when it is really only the tone in which it has  been presented that is unsympathetic. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Change of Cast - As soon as a religion comes to dominate it has as its opponents all those who would have been its first disciples. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Give me a lever long enough and a fulcrum on which to place it, and I shall move the world. - Archimedes
I have found it. [Eureka.] - Archimedes
Take any religious mystery, any theological proposition: expressed in ordinary terms it will read like sheer nonsense to the outsider, from the ritualistic, symbolic eating of human flesh and blood practised by all the Christian sects to the outright cannibalism practised by some savages. - Major Whitey Ardmore
...you see, God whatever anyone chooses to call God is one's highest conception of the highest possible. And whoever places his highest conception above his own possibility thinks very little of himself and his life. It's a rare gift, you know, to feel reverence for your own life and to want the best, the greatest, the highest possible, here, now, for your very own. To imagine a heaven and then not to dream of it, but to demand it. - Kira Argounova
...happiness is the highest good, being a realization and perfect practice of virtue, which some can attain, while others have little or none of it... - Aristotle
All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsion, habit, reason, passion, desire. - Aristotle
All virtue is summed up in dealing justly. - Aristotle
All who have meditated on the art of governing mankind have been convinced that the fate of empires depends on the education of youth. - Aristotle
Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power - that is not easy. - Aristotle
Change in all things is sweet. - Aristotle
Character is that which reveals moral purpose, exposing the class of things a man chooses or avoids. - Aristotle
Different men seek after happiness in different ways and by different means, and so make for themselves different modes of life and forms of government. - Aristotle
Dignity does not consist in possessing honours, but in deserving them. - Aristotle
Education is the best provision for old age. - Aristotle
Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies. - Aristotle
Happiness depends upon ourselves. - Aristotle
He who has never learned to obey cannot be a good commander. - Aristotle
He who hath many friends hath none. - Aristotle
He who is unable to live in society, or who has no need because he is sufficient for himself, must be either a beast or a god. - Aristotle
Hope is a waking dream. - Aristotle
I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self. - Aristotle
In the arena of human life the honours and rewards fall to those who show their good qualities in action. - Aristotle
It concerns us to know the purposes we seek in life, for then, like archers aiming at a definite mark, we shall be more likely to attain what we want. - Aristotle
It is better for a city to be governed by a good man than by good laws. - Aristotle
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. - Aristotle
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims. - Aristotle
It is well to be up before daybreak, for such habits contribute to health, wealth, and wisdom. - Aristotle
Man is by nature a political animal. - Aristotle
Moral excellence comes about as a result of habit. We become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts. - Aristotle
My best friend is the man who in wishing me well wishes it for my sake. - Aristotle
No excellent soul is exempt from a mixture of madness. - Aristotle
No one loves the man whom he fears. - Aristotle
Of all the varieties of virtues, liberalism is the most beloved. - Aristotle
Patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet. - Aristotle
Pleasure in the job puts perfection in the work. - Aristotle
Probable impossibilities are to be preferred to improbable possibilities. - Aristotle
The gods too are fond of a joke. - Aristotle
The ideal man bears the accidents of life with dignity and grace, making the best of circumstances. - Aristotle
The quality of life is determined by its activities. - Aristotle
The roots of education are bitter, but the fruit is sweet. - Aristotle
The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal. - Aristotle
There was never a genius without a tincture of madness. - Aristotle
Those who educate children well are more to be honoured than parents, for these only gave life, those the art of living well. - Aristotle
To the query, "What is a friend?" his reply was "A single soul dwelling in two bodies." - Aristotle
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, therefore, is not an act but a habit. - Aristotle
We make war that we may live in peace. - Aristotle
Wicked men obey for fear, but the good for love. - Aristotle
Wit is cultured insolence. - Aristotle
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. - Aristotle
A king that would not feel his crown too heavy for him, must wear it every day; but if he think it too light, he knoweth not of what metal it is made. - Francis Bacon
A little philosophy inclineth man's mind to atheism, but depth of philosophy bringeth a man's mind about to religion. - Francis Bacon
A man who studieth revenge keeps his own wounds green. - Francis Bacon
A prudent question is one-half wisdom. - Francis Bacon
A sudden bold and unexpected question doth many times surprise a man and lay him open. - Francis Bacon
A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. - Francis Bacon
All rising to a great place is by a winding stair. - Francis Bacon
Atheism is rather in the life than in the heart of man. - Francis Bacon
Beauty is as summer fruits, which are easy to corrupt and cannot last; and for the most part it makes a dissolute youth, and an age a little out of countenance; but if it light well, it makes virtue shine and vice blush. - Francis Bacon
Believe not much them that seem to despise riches; for they despise them that despair of them; and none are worse when they come to them. Be not penny-wise; riches have wings, and sometimes they fly away of themselves, sometimes they must be set flying to bring in more. - Francis Bacon
Books must follow sciences, and not sciences books. - Francis Bacon
Choose the life that is most useful, and habit will make it the most agreeable. - Francis Bacon
Discretion in speech is more than eloquence. - Francis Bacon
Doth any man doubt, that if there were taken out of men's minds, vain opinions, flattering hopes, false valuations, imaginations as one would, and the like, but it would leave the minds, of a number of men, poor shrunken things, full of melancholy and indisposition, and unpleasing to themselves? - Francis Bacon
For those who intend to discover and to understand, not to indulge in conjectures and soothsaying, and rather than contrive imitation and fabulous worlds plan to look deep into the nature of the real world and to dissect it  - for them everything must be sought in things themselves.
 - Francis Bacon
For what a man would like to be true, that he more readily believes. - Francis Bacon
Fortitude is the marshal of thought, the armour of the will, and the fort of reason. - Francis Bacon
Fortune is like the market, where, many times, if you can stay a little, the price will fall. - Francis Bacon
Generally he perceived in men of devout simplicity this opinion: that the secrets of nature were the secrets of God, part of that glory into which man is not to press too boldly. - Francis Bacon
God has placed no limits to the exercise of the intellect he has given us, on this side of the grave. - Francis Bacon
He that will not apply new remedies must expect new evils, for time is the greatest innovator. - Francis Bacon
History makes men wise; poets, witty; the mathematics, subtle; natural philosophy, deep; moral, grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend. - Francis Bacon
Hope is a good breakfast, but it is a bad supper. - Francis Bacon
I could hold every man a debtor to his profession; from the which as men of course do seek to receive countenance and profit, so ought they of duty to endeavour themselves by way of amends to be a help and ornament thereunto. - Francis Bacon
If a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics. - Francis Bacon
If any human being earnestly desire to push on to new discoveries instead of just retaining and using the old; to win victories over Nature as a worker rather than over hostile critics as a disputant; to attain, in fact, clear and demonstrative knowledge instead of attractive and probable theory; we invite him as a true son of Science to join our ranks. - Francis Bacon
If money be not thy servant, it will be thy master. The covetous man cannot so properly be said to possess wealth, as that may be said to possess him. - Francis Bacon
If we do not maintain Justice, Justice will not maintain us. - Francis Bacon
Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humour to console him for what he is. - Francis Bacon
It is impossible to love and to be wise. - Francis Bacon
Knowledge itself is power. - Francis Bacon
Libraries are the shrines where all the relics of the ancient saints, full of true virtue, and that without delusion or imposture, are preserved and reposed. - Francis Bacon
Man, being the servant and interpreter of nature, can do and understand so much and so much only as he has observed in fact or in thought of the course of nature: beyond this he neither knows anything nor can do anything. - Francis Bacon
Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark; and as that natural fear in children is increased by tales, so is the other. - Francis Bacon
Money is like muck, not good except it be spread. - Francis Bacon
Natural abilities are like natural plants, that need pruning by study; and studies themselves do give forth directions too much at large, except they be bounded in by experience. - Francis Bacon
Nature, to be commanded, must be obeyed. - Francis Bacon
Nuptial love maketh mankind, friendly love perfecteth it; but wanton love corrupteth and embaseth it. - Francis Bacon
Our humanity were a poor thing were it not for the divinity which stirs within us. - Francis Bacon
Philosophy, when superficially studied, excites doubt; when thoroughly explored, it dispels it. - Francis Bacon
Praise from the common people is generally false, and rather follows the vain than the virtuous. - Francis Bacon
Prosperity doth best discover vice, but adversity doth best discover virtue. - Francis Bacon
Prosperity doth best discover vice; but adversity doth best discover virtue. - Francis Bacon
Prosperity is not without many fears and distaste; adversity not without many comforts and hopes. - Francis Bacon
Read not to contradict and confute, nor to believe and take for granted, nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider. - Francis Bacon
Reading maketh a full man, conference a ready man, and writing an exact man. - Francis Bacon
Rebellions of the belly are the worst. - Francis Bacon
Silence is the virtue of fools. [Silentium, stultorum virtus.] - Francis Bacon
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. - Francis Bacon
Some books are to be tasted; others swallowed; and some to be chewed and digested. - Francis Bacon
Testimony is like an arrow shot from a long bow; the force of it depends on the strength of the hand that draws it. Argument is like an arrow from a cross-bow, which has equal force though shot by a child. - Francis Bacon
The arch-flatterer, with whom all the petty flatterers have intelligence, is a man's self. - Francis Bacon
The desire of power in excess caused angels to fall; the desire of knowledge in excess caused man to fall; but in charity is no excess, neither can man or angels come into danger by it. - Francis Bacon
The first creation of God in the works of the days was the light of the sense, the last was the light of the reason; and his Sabbath work ever since is the illumination of the spirit. - Francis Bacon
The reverence of a man's self is, next to religion, the chiefest bridle of all vices. - Lord Bacon
The root of all superstition is that men observe when a thing hits but not when it misses. - Francis Bacon
There are three parts in truth: first, the inquiry, which is the wooing of it; secondly, the knowledge of it, which is the presence of it; and thirdly, the belief, which is the enjoyment of it. - Francis Bacon
There is a difference between happiness and wisdom: he that thinks himself the happiest man is really so; but he that thinks himself the wisest is generally the greatest fool. - Francis Bacon
There is as much difference between the counsel that a friend giveth, and that a man giveth himself, as there is between counsel of a friend and a flatterer. - Francis Bacon
There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion. - Francis Bacon
There is no great concurrence between learning and wisdom. - Francis Bacon
This communicating of a man's self to his friend works two contrary effects; for it redoubleth joys, and cutteth griefs in half. - Francis Bacon
To choose time is to save time. - Francis Bacon
To read without reflecting, is like eating without digesting. - Francis Bacon
Truth will come sooner out of error than from confusion. - Francis Bacon
Universities incline wits to sophistry and affectation. - Francis Bacon
We cannot command nature except by obeying her. - Francis Bacon
We take cunning for a sinister and crooked wisdom, and certainly there is a great difference between a cunning man and a wise man, not only in point of honesty but in point of ability. - Francis Bacon
Whoever is out of patience is out of possession of his soul. Men must not turn into bees, and kill themselves in stinging others. - Francis Bacon
Whosoever is delighted in solitude is either a wild beast or a god. - Francis Bacon
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. - Albert Camus
Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves. - Albert Camus
Don't wait for the last judgment. It takes place every day. - Albert Camus
Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow; don't walk behind me, I may not lead; walk beside me, and just be my friend. - Albert Camus
Every time I hear a political speech or I read those of our leaders, I am horrified for having, for years, heard nothing which sounded human. It is always the same words telling the same lies. And the fact that men accept this, that the people's anger has not destroyed these hollow clowns, strikes me as proof that men attribute no importance to the way they are governed; that they gamble yes, gamble with a whole part of their life and their so called "vital interests." - Albert Camus
How can sincerity be a condition of friendship? A taste for truth at any cost is a passion which spares nothing. - Albert Camus
I enjoyed my own nature to the fullest, and we all know that there lies happiness, although, to soothe one another mutually, we occasionally pretend to condemn such joys as selfishness. - Albert Camus
I shall tell you a great secret, my friend. Do not wait for the last judgement, it takes place every day. - Albert Camus
If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life. - Albert Camus
In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
It was previously a question of finding out whether or not life had to have a meaning to be lived. It now becomes clear, on the contrary, that it will be lived all the better if it has no meaning. - Albert Camus
Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is. - Albert Camus
Nothing is more despicable than respect based on fear. - Albert Camus
Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep. - Albert Camus
There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. - Albert Camus
We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love - first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage. - Albert Camus
What is a rebel? A man who says no. - Albert Camus
A friend is, as it were, a second self. - Cicero
An unjust peace is better than a just war. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Anyone can make mistakes, but only an idiot persists in his error. - Cicero
Avarice in old age is foolish; for what can be more absurd than to increase our provisions for the read the nearer we approach to our journey's end. - Cicero
Freedom is the power to live as you will. Who then lives as he wills? - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Friendship is the only thing in the world concerning the usefulness of which all mankind are agreed. - Cicero
I remind you, sir, that extreme patriotism in the defence of liberty is no vice, and moderation in the pursuit of justice no virtue. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Justice consists in doing no injury to men; decency in giving them no offence. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Liberty consists in the power of doing that which is permitted by law. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Life is nothing without friendship. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
Life without learning is death. - Cicero
May the Gods avert this omen. - Cicero
Men resemble the gods in nothing so much as in doing good to their fellow creatures. - Cicero
No Sane man will dance. - Cicero
The authority of those who teach is often an obstacle to those who want to learn. - Cicero
The avarice of the old: it's absurd to increase one's luggage as one nears the journey's end. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
The more laws, the less justice. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
The noblest spirit is most strongly attracted to the love of glory. - Cicero
The six most drastic mistakes made by humans: 1) The delusion that individual advancement is made by crushing others. 2) The tendency to worry about things that cannot be changed. 3) Insisting that a thing is impossible because we cannot do it ourselves. 4) Refusing to set aside trivial preferences. 5) Neglecting development and refinement of the mind, and not acquiring the habits of reading and study. 6) Attempting to compel others to believe and live as we do. - Marcus Tullius Cicero
The welfare of the people is the chief law. - Cicero
There is something in the nature of things which the mind of man, which reason, which human power cannot effect, and certainly that which produces this must be better than man. What can this be but God? - Cicero
To give counsel as well as to take it is a feature of true friendship. - Cicero
To live long, it is necessary to live slowly. - Cicero
The only thing he ought to consider, if he does anything, is whether he does right or wrong, whether it is what a good man does or a bad man. - Plato
Rhythm and harmony find their way into the inward places of the soul. - Plato
He best keeps from anger who remembers that God is always looking upon him. - Plato
Not one of them who took up in his youth with this opinion that there are no gods, ever continued until old age faithful to his conviction. - Plato
When men speak ill of thee, live so as nobody may believe  
them. - Plato
Democracy is a charming form of government, full of variety and disorder, and dispensing a sort of equality to equals and unequal alike. - Plato
Honesty is for the most part less profitable than  
dishonesty. - Plato
Excess generally causes reaction, and produces a change in the opposite direction, whether it be in the seasons, or in individuals, or in governments. - Plato
I have good hope that there is something after death. - Plato
States are as the men, they grow out of human characters. - Plato
They deem him their worst enemy who tells them the  
truth. - Plato
Wealth is well known to be a great comforter. - Plato
The only thing worse than suffering an injustice is committing an injustice. - Plato
The beginning is the most important part of the work. - Plato
Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance. - Plato
The life that is unexamined is not worth living. - Plato
Ignorance of all things is an evil neither terrible nor excessive, nor yet the greatest of all; but great cleverness and much learning, if they be accompanied by a bad training, are a much greater misfortune. - Plato
I exhort you also to take part in the great combat, which is the combat of life, and greater than every other earthly combat. - Plato
Poetry comes nearer to vital truth than history. - Plato
Thinking is the talking of the soul with itself. - Plato
He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato
At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet. - Plato
We are bound to our bodies like an oyster is to its shell. - Plato

Against stupidity, the Gods themselves contend in vain! 
Borrow money from pessimists--they don't expect it back. 
Defeat isn't bitter if you don't swallow it. 
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
Earn cash in your spare time -- blackmail friends. 
A closed mouth gathers no feet. 
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. 
Silence is wise if we are foolish, but foolish if we are wise.
The early bird gets the worm, but the early worm gets eaten. 
In the winds of change, keep the fire within. 
Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. 
Excuses are the easiest things to manufacture, and the hardest things to sell. 
Even the smallest candle burns brighter in the dark. 
Never try to leap a chasm in two jumps. 
Water which is too pure has no fish. 
Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. 
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 
A drunk mans' words are a sober mans' thoughts. 
Forgiveness is like the fragrance a flower gives after it's been stepped on. 
Friends are chocolate chips in the cookie of life.
A man who lives in a glass house should change in the basement. 
A man who throws dirt loses ground. 
A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure. 
A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. 
A proverb is the wisdom of many and the wit of one. 
A real leader faces the music, even when he doesn't like the tune. 
A ton of regret never made an ounce of difference. 
A true friend walks in when the world walks out. 
A wise man can see more from the bottom of a well than a fool can from a mountain top. 
A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends. 
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm. 
Be bold in what you stand for; and careful what you fall for. 
Believe your beliefs and doubt your doubts. 
Be careful of your thoughts, they may become words at any moment. 
Too much sunshine makes a desert. 
If the shoe fits, get another one just like it. 
A closed mouth gathers no foot. 
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. 
He who hesitates is probably right. 
Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with. 
Indecision is the key to flexibility.
Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway.
Always try to be the best, but don't ever think you are the best. 
Money is a good servant, but a bad master.
People in glass houses should always wear clothes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Never clean your room while your plane ticket is in it.
Always drink upstream from the herd.
Be careful whose toes you step on today, they might be attached to the ass you have to kiss tomorrow.
Only dead fish go with the flow.
Simplicity of character is the result of profound thought.
When ideas fail, words become very handy.
You cannot tell which way the train went by looking at the track. 
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. 
The facts, although interesting, are irrelevant. 
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for. 
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler. 
Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious. 
The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. 
No matter where you are, thats where your at. 
There is always one more imbecile than you counted on. 
Never wrestle with a pig: You both get all dirty, and the pig likes it. 
Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience. 
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm 
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes. 
Mental Floss prevents Moral Decay.  
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines 
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense. 
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students. 
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better. 
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. 
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 
Never put your finger where you wouldn't put your nose. 
Common Sense is very Uncommon.  
When the pupil is ready, the teacher will come.  
He who laughs last didn't get the joke.  
Where ever you go, there you are.  
The things that come to those who wait may be the things left by those that got there first.  
In the land of the blind, the one eyed man is king.
There are two kinds of people in the world,  those that think there are two kinds of people in the world, and those that know better.  
We occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of us pick ourselves up and hurry on as if nothing happened.
Some people wish to get what they deserve, while others fear the same. 
He who bites his own dog barks last. 
Early to rise, and early to bed, makes a man heathy but socially dead. 
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly. 
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. 
Nothing has value but that which you grant it.
To meet an old friend in a distant land is like refreshing rain after a long drought.
Intelligence is like underwear, everyone should have it, but we shouldn't show it off.  - Gene Petret 
When someone points skyward, it's the fool the looks at the finger.
On the road of life, there are windshields and there are bugsplats.
Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old; seek what they sought.
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Neither should they nail up pictures.
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the ass.
A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a Unicorn.
An agreeable person is someone who agrees with you.
The best things in life aren't things. 
The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. 
The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. 
There are no passengers on spaceship Earth- we are all the crew. 
The wonder of a single snowflake outweighs the wisdom of a million meteorologists. 
There are no strangers in this world, just friends we've never met. 
We don't stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. 
When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water. 
Who gossips to you will gossip of you. 
You always find something in the last place you look.
You can't help the poor man by destroying the rich. 
You can't strengthen the weak by weakening the strong. 
If you have much, give of your wealth; if you have little, give of your heart. 
It is better to regret something you did, rather than to regret something you didn't do. 
It is better to sleep on what you intend doing than to stay awake over what you've done. 
It is easy to be flexible when one is spineless.
Live such that when you die, even the undertaker will be sorry. 
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.  
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. 
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. 
Sometimes it's easier to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. 
Shoot for the moon.  Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
Believe those who are seeking truth, doubt those who find it. - Andre' Gide
Think twice before you speak, especially if you intend to say what you think.
If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always gotten.
It is best not to swap horses while crossing the river.  - Lincoln 
Live dangerously and you live right.
Character, like good soup, is made at home.
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach him to use the Net and he won't bother you for weeks.
Be exceedingly humble, for the fate of man is but the worm.
Add life to your years, instead of years to your life.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. 
It is hard to stumble when you're on your knees. 
It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite. 
It is nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice. 
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
"Wise man make proverbs but fools repeat them."
A person whose heart is not content is like a snake which tries to swallow an elephant (Chinese proverb)
At the feast of ego, everyone leaves hungry.

Thinking men cannot be ruled. - Ayn Rand
The mind leads, the emotions follow. - Ayn Rand
Man's character is the product of his premises. - Ayn Rand
Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life. - Ayn Rand
Individual rights are the means of subordinating society to moral law. - Ayn Rand
To fear to face an issue is to believe the worst is true. - Ayn Rand
Power-lust is a weed that grows only in the vacant lot of an empty mind. - Ayn Rand
Force and mind are opposites; morality ends where the gun begins. - Ayn Rand
There can be no such thing, in law or in morality, as actions forbidden to an individual, but permitted to a mob. - Ayn Rand
Civilization is the progress toward a society of privacy. The savage's whole existence is public, ruled by the laws of his tribe. Civilization is the process of setting man free from men. - Ayn Rand
Volumes can be and have been written about the issue of freedom versus dictatorship, but, in essence, it comes down to a single question: do you consider it moral to treat men as sacrificial animals and to rule them by physical force? - Ayn Rand
Definitions are the guardians of rationality, the first line of defense against the chaos of mental disintegration. - Ayn Rand
To know one's own desires, their meaning and their costs requires the highest human virtue: rationality. - Ayn Rand
Even if smog were a risk to human life, we must remember that life in nature, without technology, is wholesale death. - Ayn Rand
Pity for the guilty is treason to the innocent. - Ayn Rand
To discuss evil in a manner implying neutrality, is to sanction it. - Ayn Rand
The purpose of all art is the objectification of values. - Ayn Rand
Wealth is the product of man's capacity to think. - Ayn Rand
What is a demanding pleasure that demands the use of ones mind! Not in the sense of problem solving, but in the sense of exercising discrimination, judgment, awareness. - Ayn Rand
Every aspect of Western culture needs a new code of ethics -- a rational ethics -- as a precondition of rebirth. - Ayn Rand
Art is a selective re-creation of reality according to an artist's metaphysical value-judgments. An artist recreates those aspects of reality which represent his fundamental view of man's nature. - Ayn Rand
My philosophy, in essense, is the concept of man as a heroic being, with his own happiness as the moral purpose of his life, with productive achievement as his noblest activity, and reason as his only absolute. - Ayn Rand
No concept man forms is valid unless he integrates it without contradiction into the sum of his knowledge. - Ayn Rand
The action required to sustain human life is primarily intellectual: Everything man needs has to be discovered by his mind and produced by his effort. - Ayn Rand
The only purpose of education is to teach a student how to live his life by developing his mind and equipping him to deal with reality. The training he needs is theoretical, i.e., conceptual. He has to be taught to think, to understand, to integrate, to prove. He has to be taught the essentials of the knowledge discovered in the past and he has to be equipped to acquire further knowledge by his own effort. - Ayn Rand
The idea that 'the public interest' supersedes private interests and rights can have but one meaning: that the interests and rights of some individuals take precedence over the interests and rights of others. - Ayn Rand
You seek escape from pain. We seek the achievement of hapiness. You exist for the sake of avoiding punishment. We exist for the sake of earning rewards. Threats will not make us function ; fear is not our incentive. It is not death that we wish to avoid, but life that we wish to live.- - Ayn Rand   Atlas Shrugged
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore, all progress depends on the unreasonable man. - George Bernard Shaw
Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it. - George Bernard Shaw
The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity. - George Bernard Shaw
If history repeats itself, and the unexpected always happens, how incapable must Man be of learning from experience. - George Bernard Shaw
There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw
I dread success. To have succeeded is to have finished one's business on earth, like the male spider, who is killed by the female the moment he has succeeded in his courtship. I like a state of continual becoming, with a goal in front and not behind. - George Bernard Shaw
I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. - George Bernard Shaw
The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. - George Bernard Shaw
The seven deadly sins: food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven milestones from man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the milestones are lifted. - George Bernard Shaw
When two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. - George Bernard Shaw
Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. - George Bernard Shaw
It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid. - George Bernard Shaw
Lack of money is the root of all evil. - George Bernard Shaw
Martyrdom is the only way a person can become famous without ability. - George Bernard Shaw
Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man - George Bernard Shaw
Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. - George Bernard Shaw
Do not try to live forever. You will not succeed. - George Bernard Shaw
Every man is a revolutionist concerning the thing he understands. For example, every person who has mastered a profession is a sceptic concerning it, and consequently a revolutionist. - George Bernard Shaw
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. - George Bernard Shaw
Sherlock Holmes was a drug addict without a single amiable trait. - George Bernard Shaw
A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth. - George Bernard Shaw
A miracle, my friend, is an event which creates faith. That is the purpose and nature of miracles. - George Bernard Shaw
A miracle, my friend, is an event which creates faith. That is the purpose and nature of miracles. Frauds deceive. An event which creates faith does not deceive: therefore it is not a fraud, but a miracle. - George Bernard Shaw
A strange lady giving an address in Zurich wrote him [Shaw] a proposal, thus: `You have the greatest brain in the world, and I have the most beautiful body; so we ought to produce the most perfect child.' Shaw asked: `What if the child inherits my body and your brains?' - George Bernard Shaw
Alcohol is a very necessary article. It makes life bearable to millions of people who could not endure their existence if they were quite sober. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning. - George Bernard Shaw
Anarchism is a game at which the police can beat you. - George Bernard Shaw
Do not do unto others as you would they should do unto you. Their tastes may not be the same. - George Bernard Shaw
He who has never hoped can never despair. - George Bernard Shaw
I don't believe in morality. I am a disciple of Bernard Shaw. - The Doctor's Dillema (1911) Act III
I never resist temptation because I have found things that are bad for me do not tempt me. - George Bernard Shaw
How can what an Englishman believes be heresy? It is a contradiction in terms. - George Bernard Shaw
If parents would only realize how they bore their own children! - George Bernard Shaw
In heaven an angel is nobody in particular. - George Bernard Shaw
Is the devil to have all the passions as well as all the good tunes? - George Bernard Shaw
Must then a Christ perish in torment in every age to save those that have no imagination? - George Bernard Shaw
One man that has a mind and knows it can always beat ten men who haven't and don't. - George Bernard Shaw
SWINDON: What will history say? BURGOYNE: History, sir, will tell lies as usual. - The Devil's Disciple (1901) Act III
The golden rule is that there are no golden rules. - George Bernard Shaw
The thought of two thousand people munching celery at the same time horrified me. - George Bernard Shaw, explaining why had turned down an invitation to a vegetarian gala dinner
When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty. - George Bernard Shaw
Peace is not only better than war, but infinitely more arduous. - George Bernard Shaw
What we call education and culture is for the most part nothing but the substitution of reading for experience, of literature for life, of the obsolete fictitious for the contemporary real. - George Bernard Shaw
Life does not cease to be funny when people die; any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. - George Bernard Shaw
Self-sacrifice enables us to sacrifice other people without blushing. - George Bernard Shaw
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world. - George Bernard Shaw
People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in the world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them. - George Bernard Shaw
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children. - George Bernard Shaw
Assassination is the extreme form of censorship. - George Bernard Shaw
Nobel Prize money is a lifebelt thrown to a swimmer who has already reached the shore in safety. - George Bernard Shaw
If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. - George Bernard Shaw
If you have an apple and I have an apple and we exchange apples then you and I will still each have one apple. But if you have an idea and I have an idea and we exchange these ideas, then each of us will have two ideas. - George Bernard Shaw

Al's (Quatum Leap) remark to Captain Jean-Luc Picard (StarTrek - The Next Generation): "Oh, really? Well, if your technology is so advanced, how come you haven't figured out some way to keep your hair?" - From "LeapTrek", a novel by Katriena Knights
Al's (Quatum Leap) remarks about Commander William Riker (StarTrek - The Next Generation): "Tell him to loosen up. God, he's stiff even for a military man. Just looking at him makes me uncomfortable. He looks like somebody stuck a broomstick up his ..." - From "LeapTrek", a novel by Katriena Knights
You think that's what I want...to become one of them... become my own enemy? - Alexander, "Star Trek, (Plato's Stepchildren)"
Everytime you look at the engine, you're looking at me. Everytime you touch it, it's me. - The holodeck-simulated Leah Brahms to Geordi, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Booby Trap)"
I begin to like you earthman, and I saw fear in the Klingon's eyes. - A Capellian, "Star Trek, (Friday's Child)"
You bring this network's rating down...and we'll do a special on you! - Centurion, "Star Trek, (Bread and Circuses)"
At least, someone knows where we are. - Commander Chakotay, Stardate 50622.4, "Star Trek: Voyager, (Unity)"
To be... or not to be... that is the question which troubles my people. - General Chang, "Star Trek VI"
Well, a good nurse always treats her patients that way. It proves she's interested. - Nurse Chapel, "Star Trek, (A Private Little War)"
Guess who's coming to dinner. - Chekov, "Star Trek VI"
Guess who's comming to dinner? - Chekov, "Star Trek VI"
It was inwented by a little olds lady from Leningrad. - Chekov, "Star Trek, (The Trouble with Tribbles)"
Maybe you remember the Russian fable Cinderella. If the shoe fits, wear it. - Chekov, "Star Trek VI"
Sir, the Romulans do not take prisoners. - Chekov, "Star Trek, (The Deadly Years)"
Are you real? I mean, I'm not imagining you, am I? - Zefram Cochrane, "Star Trek, (Metamorphosis)"
The universe is a spheroid region, 705 metres in diameter. - The Computer, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Remember Me)"
Leonard, you look at me like you don't believe me. - Nancy Crater, "Star Trek, (The Man Trap)"
If there's nothing wrong with me... maybe there's something wrong with the universe! - Dr Crusher, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Remember Me)"
Captain, we're receiving two hundred and eighty-five thousand hails. - Lt Wesley Crusher, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Parallels)"
At maximum warp, in 2 years, 7 months, 3 days, 18 hours, we would reach Starbase 185. - Data, after Q threw the Enterprise over 7000 light-years from Federation space, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Q Who?)""
Baby needs a new pair of shoes. - Data, at the craps table, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Royale)"
Common mistake, sir. - Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Naked Now)"
I will, Sir. - Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Encounter at Farpoint, Part I)"
I wish I could feel it with you. - Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Offspring)"
If you prick me, do I not... leak? - Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Naked Now)"
Spot. This is down. Down is good. - Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Force of Nature)"
Starfleet reports it has engaged the Borg at Wolf 359, sir. - Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Best of Both Worlds II)"
Yes... I do. - Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Thine Own Self)"
Right out of hell, I saw it! - Commodore Decker, describing the Planet Killer, "Star Trek, (The Doomsday Machine)"
They say there's no devil, Jim, But there it is, right out of hell. - Commodore Decker, "Star Trek, (The Doomsday Machine)"
Maybe we can't break it, but I'll bet you credits to navy beans that we can put a dent in it! - Lt. DeSalle, "Star Trek, (Catspaw)"
I have listened to enough patients talk about their families, to realize how meaningful they are to biological beings. - The Doctor, Stardate 50836.2, "Star Trek: Voyager, (Real Life)"
I must say, there's nothing like the vacuum of space for preserving a handsome corpse. - The Doctor, Stardate 50622.4, "Star Trek: Voyager, (Unity)"
How perceptive of you to notice that I needed one. - Commissioner Nancy Headford, "Star Trek, (Metamorphosis)"
... and get that fish out of my ready room. - Captain Jellico, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Chain of Command, Part I)"
You will die of suffocation, in the icy cold of space. - Kang, "Star Trek, (Day of the Dove)"
A lie is a very poor way to say hello. - Edith Keeler, "Star Trek, (City on the Edge of Forever)"
From Hell's heart I stab at thee. For hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. - Khan, "Star Trek II"
I have deprived your ship of power, and when I swing around, I mean to deprive you of your life. - Khan, "Star Trek II"
It is better to rule in hell than to serve in heaven. - Khan, "Star Trek, (Space Seed)"
Revenge is a dish best served cold, and it is very cold in space. - Khan, "Star Trek II"
... a dream that became a reality and spread throughout the stars. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Whom Gods Destroy)"
And now, if you will excuse me, I have a ship to attend to. Au Revoir. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The Trouble with Tribbles)"
Double dumb-ass on you! - Kirk, "Star Trek IV"
Earth. Hitler. 1938. - Kirk, "Star Trek VI"
Everybody remember where we parked. - Kirk, "Star Trek IV"
Galloping around the galaxy is a game for the young. - Kirk, "Star Trek II"
I am from Iowa. I only work in outer space. - Kirk, "Star Trek IV"
I found it an accelerating experience. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Wink of an Eye)"
I have never questioned the orders or the intelligence of any represenative of the Federation...until now. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The Trouble with Tribbles)"
I intend to recommend you all for promotion...in whatever fleet we end up serving. - Kirk, "Star Trek III"
I know you find each other facinating, but we're not here to conduct a field experiment in human biology. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The Apple)"
I'm going to go sleep this off. Please let me know if there is any other way we can screw up tonight. - Kirk, "Star Trek VI"
I've never trusted Klingons. I never will. I've never forgiven them for the death of my son. - Kirk, "Star Trek VI"
If it weren't for the Catulan ambassador's son, they'd all be in the brig! - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The Way to Eden)"
If we weren't missing two officers...I'd say someone was playing an elaborate trick or treat on us. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Catspaw)"
In every revolution there is one man with a vision. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Mirror, Mirror)"
In my cabin there's a device that will make you invincible. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Mirror, Mirror)"
In some parts of the galaxy, I've seen forms of entertainment which make this look like a folk dance. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Bread and Circuses)"
Lets get the hell out of here. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The City on the Edge of Forever)"
No, I'm from Iowa. I only work in outer space. - Kirk, "Star Trek IV"
No, Mr. Spock, I didn't think you would be. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The Apple)"
On the contrary, gravity is the foremost thing on my mind. - Kirk, while climbing El Capitan in Yosemite Nat'l Park, "Star Trek V"
Spock, will you please sit down! - Kirk, "Star Trek"
Umm-huh. - Kirk, trying to explain Spock's weirdness as a result of LSD, and comfusing his 20th century Earth history, "Star Trek IV""
We surrender!! - Kirk, "Star Trek VI"
We're going in gentlemen, peacefully I hope, but peacefully or not, we're going in. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (A Taste of Armegeddon)"
What are we looking at, a 20th century Rome? - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Bread and Circuses)"
What did somebody say...that Paradise must have looked like this...? - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The Apple)"
What does God need with a Starship? - Kirk, "Star Trek V"
Where's that damn torpedo? - Kirk, "Star Trek VI"
Would you mind being careful where you throw your rocks, Mr. Spock? - Kirk, "Star Trek, (The Apple)"
You look quite well for a man that's been 'utterly destroyed', Mr. Spock. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Patterns of Force)"
You're a healer, There's a patient. That's an order. - Kirk, "Star Trek, (Devil in the Dark)"
You're not exactly catching us at our best. - Kirk, "Star Trek IV"
Mind your own business , Mr. Spock. I'm tired of your half-breed interference! - Kirks Android Double, "Star Trek, (What Are Little Girls Made Of)"
I don't trust men that smile too much. - Kor, the Klingon, "Star Trek, (Errand of Mercy)"
I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage. I meant to say that it should be hauled away AS garbage. - Korax, "Star Trek, (The Trouble With Tribbles)"
Who knows if we're even dead or alive? - LaForge, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Yesterday's Enterprise)"
I will feel it for both of us... Thank you for my life... - Lal, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Offspring)"
I am for you, James Kirk. - Losira, "Star Trek, (That Which Survives)"
Listen Kiddo, Jim Kirk was many things but he was never a boy scout. - Dr Carol Marcus, "Star Trek II"
Damn medievalism! - McCoy, "Star Trek IV"
Did you see the love light is Spock's eyes? The right computer finally acme along. - McCoy, "Star Trek, (The Ultimate Computer)"
He's as tight-lipped about it as an Aldebaron Shellmouth. - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Amok Time)"
How long do you think you can keep taking that stuff? - McCoy, "Star Trek, (The Immunity Syndrome)"
I don't know if you got the whole picture or not... but he's not exactly working on all thrusters. - McCoy, "Star Trek IV"
I doubt any God that inflicts pain for his own pleasure. - McCoy, "Star Trek V"
I like him better before he died. - McCoy, "Star Trek V"
I need your advice. Then I need a drink. - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Obsession)"
I'm a doctor! Not a bricklayer! - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Devil in the Dark)"
Imagine that, a passionate Vulcan. - McCoy, "Star Trek V"
It's a miracle these people ever got out of the 21st century. - McCoy, "Star Trek IV"
Jim, you don't go around asking the Almighty for his I.D.! - McCoy, "Star Trek V"
Not anymore! Now we can do both at the same time. According to myth, the Earth was created in six days. Now watch out! Here comes Genesis, we'll do it for ya in six minutes. - McCoy, in Kirk's ready room, after viewing the Project Genesis film, "Star Trek II"
One more like that and I'm going to lose both these men! - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Journey to Babel)"
Sounds like the Spanish Inqusition. - McCoy, "Star Trek IV"
Spock's contaminating this boy, Jim. - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Who Morns for Adonais)"
That spot - I spilled acid there a year ago. Jim, what in blazes is this? - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Mirror, Mirror)"
That's not very goddamn funny, Jim. - McCoy, "Star Trek III"
The first time you've ever asked me for anything and it had to be an occasion like this. - McCoy, "Star Trek, (The Gamesters of Triskelion)"
They do not. It's like working in a damn computer center. - McCoy, "Star Trek"
Well it's a new ship - but she's got the right name. Now you remember that, you hear? - McCoy, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Encounter at Farpoint, Part I)"
Well whaddya know...I finally got the last word! - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Journey to Babel)"
Well, I've heard of reluctant brides but this is ridiculous. - McCoy, "Star Trek, (Elaan of Troyius)"
Who's been holding up the damn elevator? - McCoy, "Star Trek II"
Would you like to see just how fast I can put you in a hospital? - McCoy, "Star Trek, (This Side of Paradise)"
Yes, but you would be rich beyond the dreams of avarice. - McCoy, "Star Trek IV"
You call this relaxing? I'm a nervous wreck. If I'm not careful I'll end up talking to myself. - McCoy, "Star Trek V"
You really piss me off. - McCoy, "Star Trek V"
You treat her like a lady, and she'll always bring you home. - McCoy, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Encounter at Farpoint, Part I)"
Note the sinister eyes and the malformed ears... definitely an inferior race. - Deputy Fuehrer Melakon, "Star Trek, (Patterns of Force)"
You are outside. You are a disease. The disease must be destroyed. - The Melkotian, "Star Trek, (Spectre of the Gun)"
Of course I do. It's 2278. - Captain Morgan, U.S.S. Bozeman, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Cause and Effect)"
Policemen  - I'd recognize them in any century.
 - Professor Moriarty, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Ship in a Bottle)"
Spock, your're going to love it here. They all talk just the way you do. - Harry Mudd, "Star Trek, (I, Mudd)"
Nonsequitur...your facts are uncoordinated. - Nomad, "Star Trek, (The Changeling)"
The creation of perfection is no error. - Nomad, "Star Trek, (The Changeling)"
There is a word. Among us there is no corresponding meaning. But it seems to mean something to you humans. - Norman (Please), "Star Trek, (I, Mudd)"
A minstrel boy to the war has gone in the ranks of death ye will find him his fathers sword he hath girded on with his wild harp slung behind him land of song said the warrior bard though all the world betrays thee one sword at least thy rights shall guard one faithful harp shall praise thee. - A song sung by O'Brien, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Wounded)"
And how do I know that someone I might save down there might not be the next Adolf Hitler? Or Khan Singh? I'm willing to take that chance. - Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (A Matter of Time)"
Captain's Personal Log, supplemental. I have just witnessed the total destruction of the U.S.S. Enterprise with the loss of all hands. Save one. Me. - Picard's log from the future, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Time Squared)"
Five card stud, nothing wild. And the sky's the limit. - Picard, uttering the last line of the TV series, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (All Good Things...)"
I will continue, aboard this ship, to speak for the Borg. While they continue, without further diversion, to Sector 001, where they will force your unconditional surrender. - Picard as Locutus, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Best of Both Worlds II)"
I will just have to trust that you will not let Adm. Pressman put the Enterprise in unnecessary risk and if I find that that trust has been misplaced, I will have to re-evaluate the command structure of this ship. Dismissed. - Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Pegasus)"
Legends...are the spice of the universe, Mr. Data, because they have a way of sometimes coming true. - Captain Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Haven)"
Let's make sure that history never forgets the name... Enterprise. - Captain Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Yesterday's Enterprise)"
Seize the time, Meribor. Live now; make now always the most precious time. Now will never come again. - Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Inner Light)"
That will be the day! - Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Yesterday's Enterprise)"
We have engaged...the Borg. - Picard, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Best of Both Worlds I)"
With the first link, the chain is forged. The first speech censored, the first thought forbidden, the first freedom denied, chains us all irrevocably. - Captain Picard, quoting Judge Aaron Satie, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Drumhead)"
Avoid the planet Earth at all costs. Farewell. - Federation President, "Star Trek IV"
Not likely! - Dr Pulaski, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Where silence has lease)"
All good things must come to an end... - Q, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (All Good Things...)"
But this is the court of the year 2079, by which time all 'United Earth' nonsense had been abolished. - Q, presiding in a postholocaust court, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Encounter at Farpoint)"
Eaten any good books lately? - Q, to Worf (Deja-Q)
If you can't take a little bloody nose, maybe you oughtta go back home and crawl under your bed. It's not safe out here. It's wondrous, with treasures to satiate desires both subtle and gross; but it's not for the timid. - Q, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Q Who?)"
It's time to put an end to your trek through the stars. - Q, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (All Good Things...)"
Jean-Luc! It's so good to see you again. How about a big hug? - Q, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Qpid)"
You're dead, this is the afterlife  - and I'm God.
 - Q, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Tapestry)"
You're so stolid. You weren't like that before the beard. - Q, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Deja-Q)"
You are authorized to use all measures available to destroy the Enterpise. - Starfleet Command Representative, "Star Trek, (The Ultimate Computer)"
Earth. - Riker, describing the Borg ship's destination, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Best of Both Worlds II)"
Fate protects fools, little children and ships named Enterprise. - Riker, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Contagion)"
Four years. Ever since Captain Picard was killed in the incident with the Borg. - Captain Riker, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Parallels)"
Mr. Crusher, ready a collision course with the Borg ship. - Captain Riker, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Best of Both Worlds II)"
Our neural pathways have become accustomed to your sensory input patterns. - Riker, quoting Data's definition of friendship, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Time's Arrow, Part 1)"
Yes, absolutely, I do indeed concur, wholeheartedly! - Riker, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Where Silence has Lease)"
The Federation's gone; the Borg is everywhere! - Alternate Captain Riker, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Parallels)"
Attention crew...there will be a formal dance in the bowling alley at 1900 hours tonight. - Lt Kevin Riley, "Star Trek, (The Naked Time)"
Humour. It is a difficult concept. - Saavik, "Star Trek II"
At the time it seemed the logical thing to do. - Sarek, "Star Trek, (Journey to Babel)"
Klingon justice is a unique point of view, Mr. President. - Sarek, "Star Trek IV"
Tellerites do not argue for reasons. They simply argue. - Sarek, "Star Trek, (Journey to Babel)"
Captain, you mean my neck is going to have to depend on some spooky mumbo jumbo? - Scotty, "Star Trek, (Wolf in the Fold)"
Cold it was, like a stinking draft out of a slaughterhouse. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (Wolf in the Fold)"
Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (Friday's Child)"
I transported the whole kit-and-kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (The Trouble with Tribbles)"
In four hours the ship blows up. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (The Savage Curtain)"
Just before they went into warp, I beamed the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all. - Scotty, explaining how he got rid of the tribbles, "Star Trek, (The Trouble With Tribbles)"
Mind your place mister or you'll be wearing concrete golashes. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (A Piece of the Action)"
President Lincoln indeed!...no doubt to be followed by Louis of France and Robert the Bruce! - Scotty, "Star Trek, (The Savage Curtain)"
Synthetic Scotch, synthetic Commanders... - Captain (Scotty) Scott, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Relics)"
The best diplomat I know is a fully charged phaser bank. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (A Taste of Armegeddon)"
Unless you people on the bridge start taking showers with your clothes on, my engines can pull us out of anything. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (The Naked Time)"
Well, it's...ah...it's green. - Scotty, "Star Trek, (By Any Other Name)"
Who else would be playing cat and mouse with a starship? - Scotty, "Star Trek, (A Private Little War)"
Why, how do we know he didn't invent the thing? - Scotty, "Star Trek IV"
I am not programmed to respond in that area. - Alice & Norman Series, "Star Trek, (I, Mudd)"
Computer, I caution you...I have little love for Beta 5 snobbery ... OVERRIDE! - Gary Seven, "Star Trek, (Assignment: Earth)"
Some of the colonists objected to having an anatomically correct android running around without any clothes on. - Juliana Soong, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Inheritance)"
An ancestor of mine maintained that if you eliminate the impossible whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth. - Spock, "Star Trek VI"
An entrance Captain, but no exit. They go in but they do not come out. - Spock, "Star Trek, (A Taste of Armegeddon)"
Are you sure this isn't the time for a colorful metaphor? - Spock, "Star Trek IV"
Computer, compute to the last digit the value of pi. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Wolf in the Fold)"
Constant exposure does lead to a certain degree of contamination. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Journey to Babel)"
Emotional...isn't she? - Spock, "Star Trek, (Journey to babel)"
Facinating...a totally parochial attitude! - Spock, "Star Trek, (Metamorphosis)"
Facinating...If my suspicions are correct, there can be no response to this messsage. - Spock, "Star Trek IV"
Hardly conclusive Mr. Scott, since Klingons have no tear ducts. - Spock, "Star Trek VI"
I am chasing the Captain, Lt. Uhura, and Ensign Chekov, not some wild aquatic fowl. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Gamsters of Triskelion)"
I am close to experiencing an unaccustomed emotion. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Requiem for Methuselah)"
I believe I said that, Doctor. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Doomsday Machine)"
I believe we're experiencing the psychokinetic manifestations of Parmen's delerium. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Plato's Stepchildren)"
I don't like that. I don't believe I ever did. Now I'm sure. - Spock, "Star Trek, (All Our Yesterdays)"
If I were human, I believe the correct response would be 'Go to Hell' - Spock's response to a Starfleet summons, "Star Trek VI"
Logic is a little chirping bird tweeting in a meadow. - Spock, "Star Trek, (I, Mudd)"
Mid 20th century Earth. The nation-state called Nazi Germany. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Patterns of Force)"
Mr. Scott cannot give me exact figures Admiral, so I must make a guess. - Spock, "Star Trek IV"
None that I am concious of... except, of course, Happy Birthday. Surely the best of times. - Spock, "Star Trek II"
On the contrary, Sir...I think of this project as very important. It is you I take lightly. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Trouble with Tribbles)"
One damn minute, admiral. - Spock, "Star Trek IV"
Our friend Trefayne is really quite intuitive. You can rest assured that what he says is absolutley correct. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Errand of Mercy)"
Stay out of this! We're fighting over a woman! - Spock, "Star Trek, (Turnabout Intruder)"
Thank you, Mr. Scott. - Spock, "Star Trek VI"
That much is certain. - Spock, "Star Trek IV"
The mid-1990s was the era of your so-called Third World War. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Space Seed)"
The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few, or the one. - Spock, "Star Trek II & III"
They like you very much but they are not the hell your whales. - Spock, "Star Trek IV"
They regard themselves as aliens within their own world, a condition I am somewhat familiar. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Way to Eden)"
They seemed to have been spared the agony of your first three World Wars, doctor. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Bread and Circuses)"
They toil not, neither do they spin. But they seem to eat a great deal. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Trouble with Tribbles)"
Those who receive rewards are totally separated from those who shoulder the burdens. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Cloud-Minders)"
Verbose, isn't he? - Spock, "Star Trek, (Who Morns for Adonais)"
Very bad poetry, Captain. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Catspaw)"
We must acknowledge, once and for all, that the purpose of diplomacy is to prolong a crisis. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Mark of Gideon)"
We simply must accept the fact that Captain Kirk is no longer alive. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Tholian Web)"
Well I'm relieved to hear your prognosis, Mr. Scott. Is the doctor there with you, or will I find him in engineering? - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Lights of Zetar)"
What purpose can be served by the death of our friend except to bring you pleasure? - Spock (The Vians), "Star Trek, (The Empath)"
What you want is irrelevant. What you have is what is at hand. - Spock, "Star Trek VI"
You may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. - Spock, "Star Trek, (Amok Time)"
Your logic was impeccable, Captain. We are in great danger. - Spock, "Star Trek, (The Changeling)"
Bridge, this is the captain. How can you have a yellow alert in spacedock? - Captain Styles, USS Excelsior, "Star Trek III"
Alright! We're lost! But we're making good time. - Sulu, "Star Trek V"
I think we ought to give room service another call. That coffee's taking too long. - Sulu, "Star Trek, (The Enemy Within)"
Whoever he is, he sure talks gloomy. - Sulu, "Star Trek, (Wolf in the Fold)"
With an arm full of this stuff, I wouldn't be afraid of a supernova! - Sulu, "Star Trek, (Wolf in the Fold)"
Rock, fire, sky, and water are the four basic elements of the universe. - Talur, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Thine Own Self)"
You don't rank me and you don't have pointed ears so just get off my neck. - Lt Tormolen, "Star Trek, (The Naked Time)"
I'm not "being apprehensive" Tuvok. I'm just nervous as hell. - Lieutenant B'Elanna Torres, Stardate 50622.4, "Star Trek: Voyager, (Unity)"
I'd better clear my calender for the next few weeks. - Troi, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Genesis)"
That and the table. - Troi, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Emissary)"
Well, he did make a pass at me... and it was a good one! - Troi, about Barkley, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Nth Degree)"
You just think of me as your entertainmet director. - Lwaxana Troi, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Half a Life)"
Allowing yourself to become apprehensive can only be counterproductive, lieutenant. - Lieutenant Tuvok, Stardate 50622.4, "Star Trek: Voyager, (Unity)"
In our centruy we've learned not to fear words. - Uhura, "Star Trek, (The Savage Curtain)"
One thing is clear - you'll never look at your hairline again in the same way. - Picard to his "son" Jason Vigo, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Bloodines)"
Die! - Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Deja Q)"
I am NOT a merry man!!! - Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Qpid)"
I will feed him. - Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Phantasms)"
Nice Legs... for a human. - Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Qpid)"
Please Mrs. Troi! ... and it's Worf not Woof. - Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Half a Life)"
You are also Klingon. - Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Emissary)"
Besides, you look good in a dress. - Riker to Worf, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Liasons)"
Well it's a damn ugly nothing! - Geordi [aside to Worf], "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Where silence has lease)"
I'm not suppsed to be here, sir. I'm.....supposed to be dead! - Tasha Yar, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (Yesterday's Enterprise)"
It never happened. - Yar, to Data, "Star Trek: The Next Generation, (The Naked Now)""Bones! Help this man, he's injured!" "Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor not a ... oh, ummm, yeah."
He's DEAD, Jim. You grab his tricorder, I'll get his wallet. 
"He's BREAD, Jim." - McCoy after a tragic transporter accident while visiting planet Pillsbury.
"He's DEAD, Jim. Get his ears." - Spock
"He's ALIVE, Jim. Where did I go wrong?"
"He's DEAD, Jim. Tell the Klingons that dinner is served"
"Scotty, beam us aboard". "Aye, sir. Will a 2x4 do?"
"Logic has nothing to do with it, it's just lust." - Spock the pimp
Scotty is smoking the dilithium crystals again, Jim
To HELL with the Prime Directive.... FIRE!!! - Kirk 
AAAAAGGGGHHHH" - Any "Classic" Star Trek Security officer sometime during the show.
"Very funny Scotty, now beam me down my clothes..." - Kirk
Don't let Kirk show you what he affectionately calls the 'Captain's Log' 
Spock to Kirk at his annual review: "I'm tired or wearing the same shirt and I can't afford a good haircut." 
Kirk: To heck with the Prime Directive, I want to sleep with that girl!
"Captain, I cannot believe my ears!" - Spock
Real Klingons don't use .signature files.
Star trekkin' across the Universe, boldly going forward; 'cuz we can't find reverse!
A tribble a day keeps the Klingons well fed.
All right who's been cooking hot dogs in the Warp Drive?
Beat me, whip me, make me write Tribble taglines.
Beverly can turn Data off but only Tasha can turn him on.
Blonde Klingons: Because it was a good day to dye!
"Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows?" - Worf
"Excuse me, do you mind if I squish in here?" - Odo
"Mr. Worf, scan that ship." "Aye Captain. 300 dpi?"
And the only thing the Borg left was this Macintosh...
Borg-Cola : Not the choice of The Next Generation.
BorgDOS 5.0: Assimilate another (Y/N)?
Borger King: "Have it our way, your way is irrelevant"
Clinton Borg "Inhaling is irrelevant"
Cloak captioned for the Romulan impaired.
"Distance is irrelevant" - Pythagoras of Borg
Ensign Singer... Make it sew.
Ensign Walnut approaches Dr. Crusher with caution....
"Hey, Worf! I hooked Data up to a Modem... wanna see?"
How come I can never find Troi when I'm mad at her?
I am Fudd of Borg. Wesistance is usewess!
I am Homer of Borg. Prepare to be ....ooooh donuts!
I am Bugs Bunny of Borg. What's up, Collective?
How do I set my Laser printer to "Stun"?
I can't believe it. I've heard of this disease. - Beverly
"I said Crusher, NOT Crush her!" - Worf to his brother Kurn.
Jean-Luc Picard and Mister Clean: Separated at birth?
McBorg'ers: Over 1,000,000 assimilated.
Mister Worf, show these children the airlock. - Picard
Mr. Worf, fire at will. ** ZAP! ** Hey, where'd Riker go?
Strangely, Data finds himself relating to heavy metal.
The Borg assimilated my race & all I got was this T-shirt
We have engaged the Borg. The wedding will be Friday.
"Cry on someone else's shoulder, I'm off-duty." - Troi
A drunk Borg - Resistant as floor tile.
Honk if you've slept with Riker.
"Yoda of Borg are we: Futile is resistance. Assimilate you, we will" 
Defect borg: "Refutile is sistance; your ass will be simulated."
Original Pentium of Borg: "Division is futile - your decimels will be approximated."
Captain, could I play some jazz?" -- "Make it soul, No. 1famous programmer quotation: "strange"
famous programmer quotation: "it used to work"
famous programmer quotation: "it just needs a few minor changes"
famous programmer quotation: "how could that have happened"
famous programmer quotation: "you've probable made a mistake"
famous programmer quotation: "but I haven't changed anything in that module"
famous programmer quotation: "I'm almost finished"
famous programmer quotation: "This can't effect that"
famous programmer quotation: "It actually works, it just doesn't look that way"
famous programmer quotation: Except from the fact that it doesn't work, how do you think it seems?"
(A)bort, (R)etry, (Q)UAKE? 
A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord.  
A host is a host from coast to coast and no one will talk to a host that's close unless the host (that isn't close) is busy, hung or dead. 
A Supercomputer is a computer that runs an endless loop in two seconds. 
All computers wait at the same speed.  
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim. 
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 
Computers are only human. 
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. (Pablo Picasso) 
How many babies can a motherboard have? 
If the auto industry were like the computer industry, a car would now cost $50, would get 500 mpg, and at a random time would explode, killing all passengers. 
Lyall's Conjecture: If a computer cable has one end, then it has another. 
My computer isn't that nervous... it's just a bit ANSI. 
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremly large values of 2. 
On a clear disk you can seek forever. 
The faster your computer, the longer it has to wait for you... 
The most important question when any new computer architecture is introduced is "So what?" 
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home. (Ken Olson, president,chairman and founder of DEC, 1977) 
WYTYSYDG - What you thought you saw, you didn't get. 
Your brain knows a hell of a lot more about networking than you do. 
Your eyes are weary from staring at the CRT. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. The opinions stated above are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise. 
But I DID read the manual... 
Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.  
Error: No Keyboard - press F1 to continue. 
Every morning is the dawn of a new error. 
File not found, I'll load something *I* think is interesting. 
If it works, rip it apart and find out why! 
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk? 
Not tonight honey. I have a modem. 
Please tell me if you don't get this message... 
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. 
Unix is not a "A-ha" experience, it is more of a "holy-shit" experience. 
VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use UNIX. 
What is the Origin of 'Foo': Foo is really FU as in Fscked Up Beyond All Recognition. A cousin of SNAFU.
What is the Origin of 'Foo': As an VAX 780 veteran will tell you, FUBAR stands for Failed Unibus Address Register. This as basically a write-only egister that, immediately after being written, was put into the dump file generated before the machine successfully rebooted.
What is the Origin of 'Foo': Of course, it also comes from the same WWII genesis as SNAFU.
What is the Origin of 'Foo':  Foo Bar = FUBAR = Fucked Up Beyond All Repair
What is the Origin of 'Foo': "foo" is a corruption of "fu" which comes from the old army acronym "fubar": F**ked Up Beyond All Recognition.
What is the Origin of 'Foo': The Oxford Dictionary lists foo as 13th-16th century usage for the devil or any other enemy. The earliest citation it gives is 1366, Chaucer A B C (84): "Lat not our alder foo [devil] make his bobance [boast]".
What is the Origin of 'Foo': I remember foo coming from japanese fighter planes in ww2; they were called 'foo fighters'.
What is the Origin of 'Foo': The first syllable of the sacred chant phrase "FOO MANE PADME HUM." Our first obligation is to keep the foo counters turning.
If cars evolved at the same rate as computers, they'd cost a quarter, run for a year on a half-gallon of gas, and crash once a day,killing everyone inside.
If engineers built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, the first woodpecker to come along would destroy civilization.
To err is human... to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human; in fact it is downright natural. 
If at first you don't succeed, blame your computer. 
The first place to look for information is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it.
Managing programmers is like herding cats.
Recursive, adj.: see Recursive. 
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. 
At the source of every error which is blamed on the computer, you will find at least two human errors, including the error of blaming it on the computer. 
Remember Knuth: "premature optimization is the root of all evil." 
The truth is out there? Does anyone know the URL?
A Life? Cool! Where can I download one of those from?
"Usenet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind - boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it." - Gene Spafford,1992 
A much wittier reply came to mind immediately after I clicked the "Send" button.
"e, s, s, s, n, e, e, nw, get chest, se, n, d" - Sound familiar?
Email is packaged by intellectual weight, not volume. Some settling of contents may have occurred during transmission. 
Not tonight dear.... I have a modem. 
Old web sites never die, they just grow world wide cobwebs.
It compiled, first screen came up?? Ship it!
Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
If it wasn't for C, we would be using BASI, PASAL and OBOL. 
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 
The C Programming Language - A language which combines the flexibility of assembly language with the power of assembly language. 
355/113 - Not the famous irrational number PI, but an incredible simulation. 
Teamwork is vital ; It gives you someone to blame. 
Real Programmers always confuse Christmas and Halloween because OCT 31 == DEC 25 ! 
Unix is user-friendly. It's just very selective about who its friends are. 
Programming is like sex: one mistake and you have to support it for the rest of your life. 
The best accelerator available for a Mac is one that causes it to go at 9.8 m/s2 
Eunuchs, the non-gender-specific OS 
"VMS is a text-only adventure game. If you win you can use unix." - w.davidson 
The big difference between UNIX and VMS: To do anything on UNIX, you need to know an obscure command. To do anything on VMS, you need to know an obscure option to SET. 
Windows 3.1 - The best $89 solitaire game you can buy 
"When the grammar checker identifies an error, it suggests a correction and can even makes some changes for you." - Microsoft Word for Windows 2.0 User's Guide. 
The biggest problem with Macs is the incessant whine that comes from the user. - David Brady 
PCMCIA: People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
There are two ways to write error-free programs. Only the third one works.
The personal computer market is about the same size as the total potato chip market. Next year it will be about half the size of the pet food market and is fast approaching the total worldwide sales of panty hose. - James Finke, President, Commodore International Ltd. (1982) 
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. - Dick Brandon 
A bad random number generator:  1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1
A bug in the code is worth two in the documentation.
A bug in the hand is better than one as yet undetected.
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
A computer scientist is someone who fixes things that aren't broken.
A computer's attention span is only as long as its extension cord.
A fault tolerant system must report the faults even as it tolerates them.
A hacker does for love what others would not do for money. - Laura Creighton
A list is only as strong as its weakest link. - Don Knuth
A low level language is one whose programs require attention to the irrelevant.
A paperless office has about as much chance as a paperless bathroom.
A successful tool is used to do something undreamed of by its author. - Johnson
A)bort, R)etry or S)elf-destruct?
A)bort, R)etry, I)gnore, V)alium?
A)bort, R)etry, I)nfluence with large hammer.
AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous
APATHY ERROR:  Don't bother striking any key.
ASCII to  ASCII, DOS to DOS.
Abstraction is achieved by data hiding and enforced by encapsulation.
Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later. - Brook
Advanced design: Upper management doesn't understand it.
After a number of decimal places, nobody gives a damn.
All computers run at the same speed...with the power off.
All the simple programs have been written, and all the good names taken.
All wiyht.  Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?
All you need to know is the user interface. - J. Redford
An algorithm must be seen to be believed. - D. E. Knuth
An elephant is a mouse with an operating system.
And on the seventh day, He exited from append mode.
Another megabytes the dust.
Any given program will expand to fill available memory.
Any nitwit can understand computers.  Many do. - Ted Nelson
Any program that runs right is obsolete.
Any programming language is at its best before it is implemented and used.
Any sufficiently advanced bug is indistinguishable from a feature. -  Kulawiec
Artificial Intelligence:  Making computers behave like they do in the movies.
As far as we know, our computer has never had an undetected error. - Weisert
As of next week, passwords will be entered in Morse code.
Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.
Asking whether machines can think is like asking whether submarines can swim.
Avoid GOTOs completely if you can keep the program readable.
Avoid temporary variables and strange women.
Avoid the Fortran arithmetic IF (or better yet, just avoid Fortran).
Avoid unnecessary branches.
BASIC is to computer programming as QWERTY is to typing. - Seymour Papert
BREAKFAST.COM halted... cereal port not responding!
Backup not found!  A)bort, R)etry or P)anic?
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Bad command or file name.  Go stand in the corner.
Bad style destroys an otherwise superb program.
Base 8 is just like base 10, if you are missing two fingers. - Tom Lehrer
Be careful when a loop exits to the same place from side and bottom.
Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. - Leonard Brandwein
Brain fried; core dumped.
Breakthrough: It finally booted on the first try.
Breakthrough: It nearly booted on the first try.
C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.
C:\GRAPHICS\GIF\NAUGHTY\FILTHY\DISGUSTING\WOW!
CCCP:> format CCCP: /u
CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today
CChheecckk yyoouurr dduupplleexx sswwiittcchh..
Capt'n!  The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!
Choose variable names that will not be confused.
Close your eyes and press escape three times.
Compatible: Gracefully accepts erroneous data from any source.
Computer Science: Solving today's problems tomorrow.
Computer and car salesmen differ in that the latter know when they are lying.
Computer possessed? Try DEVICE=C:\EXOR.SYS
Computer programmers do it byte by byte.
Computers are a more fun way to do the same work you'd have to do without them.
Computers are only human.
Computers are unreliable, but humans are even more unreliable. - Gilb
Computers are useless.  They can only give you answers.  - Pablo Picasso
Computers talk to each other worse than their designers do.
Computers...  are not designed, as we are, for ambiguity. - Thomas
Congratulations!  You are the one-millionth user to log into our system.
Controlling complexity is the essence of computer programming. - Kernigan
Customer: A primitive life form at the bottom of the food chain.
DYNAMIC LINKING ERROR: Your mistake is now everywhere.
Debugger: A tool that substitutes afterthought for forethought.
Design simplicity: It was developed on a shoe-string budget.
Design: The activity of preparing for a design review.
Diagnostics are the programs that run when nothing else will.
Disc space, the final frontier!
Disclaimer:  Any errors in spelling, tact, or fact are transmission errors.
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
Do you like me for my brain or my baud?
Document code?  Why do you think they call it "code?"
Don't comment or patch bad code; rewrite it.
Don't compare floating point numbers solely for equality.
Don't diddle code to make it faster; find a better algorithm.
Don't document the program; program the document.
Don't hit the keys so hard, it hurts.
Don't let the computer bugs bite!
Don't stop at one bug.
Dreams are free, but you get soaked on the connect time.
EBCDIC: Erase, Back up, Chew Disk, Ignite Card
E Pluribus UNIX.
Earth is 98% full...please delete anyone you can.
Emacs is a nice operating system, but I prefer UNIX. - Tom Christiansen
Error 13: Illegal brain function. Process terminated.
Esc key to reboot Universe, or any other key to continue...
Every bug you find is the last one.
Every program in development at MIT expands until it can read mail.
Every program is a part of some other program, and rarely fits.
Every program is either trivial or it contains at least one bug.
Everybody needs a little love sometime; stop hacking and fall in love!
Exclusive: We're the only ones who have the documentation.
Expert systems are built to embody the knowledge of human experts. - Kulawiec
Field tested: Manufacturing doesn't have a test system.
Finish your mail packet!  Children are offline in India.
Foolproof operation:  All parameters are hard coded.
Foolproof operation: All parameters are hard coded.
From C:\*.* to shining C:\*.*
Futuristic: It only runs on the next-generation supercomputer.
Futuristic: It will only run on a next generation supercomputer.
God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.
God is real, unless declared integer.
God made machine language; all the rest is the work of man.
Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.
Hackers have kernel knowledge.
Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Help!  I'm trapped in a Chinese computer factory!
Hex dump:  Where witches put used curses...
Honey, I Formatted the Kid!
Host System Not Responding, Probably Down.  Do you want to wait?  (Y/N)
How an engineer writes a program: Start by debugging an empty file...
How do I love thee?  My accumulator overflows.
How do I set my laser printer on stun?
How was Thomas J. Watson buried?  9 edge down.
I am a computer, dumber than any human and smarter than an administrator.
I am still waiting for the advent of the computer science groupie.
I am the computer your mother warned you about.
I bet the human brain is a kludge. - Marvin Minsky
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
I do not fear computers.  I fear the lack of them. -  - Isaac Asimov
I haven't lost my mind; it's backed up on tape somewhere.
I just found the last bug.
I modem, but they grew back.
I must have slipped a disk; my pack hurts.
I smell a wumpus.
I suppose when it gets to that point, we shan't know how it does it. - Turing
I used to have a life, then I got v32bis!
I'm a modemer and I'm OK.  I post all night and I sleep all day.
I'm not a sysop, I just play one on the echoes.
IBM: I Blame Mathematics
IBM: I Breaks Monthly
IBM: I Bring Madness
IBM: I Broke Mine
IBM: I Built Mine
IBM: I bring manuals
IBM: I'd Be Misinforming
IBM: I'd Buy Macintosh
IBM: I'll Buy Macintosh
IBM: I'm Being Manipulated
IBM: I'm Beyond Mistakes
IBM: I'm Buying Macintosh
IBM: I've Become Magnanimous
IBM: I've Been Mangled
IBM: I've Been Mauled
IBM: I've Been Mesmerized
IBM: I've Been Misled
IBM: Ici Beaucoup Merde
IBM: Iconoclastic Bilateral Monopoly
IBM: Icons Bygones My Mom's
IBM: Idealistically Backwards Microcomputers
IBM: Ideas Bring Money
IBM: Idiots Became Managers
IBM: Idiots Being Mental
IBM: Idiots Built Me
IBM: Idle Brain Malfunction
IBM: Ifs Buts Maybes
IBM: Ill'manners Being Mandatory
IBM: Ill-mannered Besotten Macrocasm
IBM: Illustrious Bankruptcy Malenfactor
IBM: Illustrious Busy Mice
IBM: Imbecile Bad Micros
IBM: Imensa Bola de Manteca
IBM: Imitable Boring Microcomputers
IBM: Immeasurable Bigheaded Malapert
IBM: Immovable Brash Monolith
IBM: Impeccably Blue-dressed Managers
IBM: Imperial Bellicose Marauder
IBM: Imperialist by Marketing
IBM: Impersonal Bellicose Magnate
IBM: Impious Bacchnalain Metropolis
IBM: In Business (for) Money
IBM: Inadequates Becoming Millionaires
IBM: Inane Brutish Merchandising
IBM: Incompatible Blue Machines
IBM: Inconsistent Business machines
IBM: Incontinent Bandolerisimo Moloch
IBM: Increasingly Bad Manufacturing
IBM: Increasingly Banal Movement
IBM: Incredible Bowel Movement
IBM: Incredibly Bad Merchandising
IBM: Incredibly Ballsey Marketeers
IBM: Incredibly Belligerent Merketing
IBM: Incredibly Big Manufacturer
IBM: Incredibly Bloody Minded
IBM: Incredibly Boastful Mercenary
IBM: Incredibly Boring Manuals
IBM: Incredibly Broad Monolopy
IBM: Incredibly Bullying Menace
IBM: Indecision Breeds Mistakes
IBM: Indecorous Big-named Medusoid
IBM: Indigestion Bothers Me
IBM: Industry Bowel Movement
IBM: Industry's Biggest Mistake
IBM: Industry's Bulging Monolith
IBM: Inept Bulling Menace
IBM: Inevitably Bad Marketing
IBM: Inferior Before Macintosh
IBM: Infernal Biggest Mistake
IBM: Infernal Blue Machines
IBM: Infinite Budget Merchandising
IBM: Infinitely Baffling Motives
IBM: Inherently Bad Manuals
IBM: Innovation By Management
IBM: Insanely Better Marketing
IBM: Insensitivity Begets Mediocrity
IBM: Inshallah Burak Ma'lesh
IBM: Insidious Byzantine Mentality
IBM: Insignificant Bothersome Machine
IBM: Insipidly Bankrolling Millions
IBM: Insolent Bickering Mal-der-mer
IBM: Install Bigger Memory
IBM: Insulting Boorish Manner
IBM: Insultingly Boring Microcomputers
IBM: Intensely Boring Machines
IBM: Intentionally Braindamaged Machinery
IBM: Interesting But Mediocre
IBM: Interesting But Mundane
IBM: Intergalactic Bottomline Mistake
IBM: Internals By Mediocrity
IBM: International Bit Mangler
IBM: International Bowel Movement
IBM: Intersmashable Byte Manipulators
IBM: Into Building Money
IBM: Intriguingly Blue Motif
IBM: Invented By Maladroits
IBM: Invented By Marketing
IBM: Invented By Murphy
IBM: Irresponsibility Behaved Multinational
IBM: It Broke Be
IBM: It's Become Monolithic
IBM: It's Been Malfunctioning
IBM: It's Better 'morrow
IBM: It's Better Manually
IBM: It's Beyond Monolithic
IBM: It's Broke Ma'am
IBM: It's Bugging Me
IBM: It's Bullshit Mommery
IBM: Itty Bitty Machines
IBM: Itty Bitty Mentality
IBM: Itty Bitty Mouse
IBM: Itty Bity Maharishi
If God had intended Man to program, we would be born with serial I/O ports.
If I had it all to do over again, I'd spell creat with an "e". - Kernighan
If a program is useful, it must be changed.
If a program is useless, it must be documented.
If a train station is where the train stops, what is a work station?
If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0
If at first you don't succeed, you must be a programmer.
If it was easy, the hardware people would take care of it.
If only women came with pull-down menus and online help.
If the code and the comments disagree, then both are probably wrong. - Schryer
If you have a procedure with 10 parameters, you probably missed some.
Implementation is the sincerest form of flattery.
In /dev/null no one can hear you scream
In God we trust; all else we walk through.
In computer science, we stand on each other's feet. - Brian Reid
In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble. - Alan Perlis
Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
It is easier to write an incorrect program than understand a correct one.
It is now pitch dark.  If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit.
It is ten o'clock; do you know where your processes are?
It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
It wasn't as easy to get programs right as we had thought. - Wilkes, 1949
It's 10 o'clock.  Do you know where your child processes are?
It's here at last: We've released a 26-week project in 48 weeks.
It's redundant!  It's redundant! - R. E. Dundant
Justify my text?  I'm sorry but it has no excuse.
Kiss your keyboard goodbye!
Know Thy User.
LISP: To call a spade a thpade.
Last one out, turn off the computer!
Let the machine do the dirty work. - Elements of Programming Style
Life would be much easier if I had the source code.
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
Lisp Users: Due to the holiday, there will be no garbage collection on Monday.
Logic is neither an art or a science but a dodge.
Logic:   The art of being wrong with confidence...
Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.
MC Hammer, n. Device used to ensure firm seating of MicroChannel boards
MIPS:  Meaningless Indicator of Processor Speed.
Machine independent code isn't.
Machine-independent:  Does not run on any existing machine.
Maintenance free: It's impossible to fix.
Maintenance-free:  When it breaks, it can't be fixed...
Make input easy to proofread.
Make it right before you make it faster.
Make sure all variables are initialized before use.
Make sure comments and code agree.
"Make sure your code ""does nothing"" gracefully."
Managing programmers is like herding cats.
Maniac:  An early computer built by nuts...
Manual Writer's Creed:  Garbage in, gospel out.
May the bugs of many programs nest on your hard drive.
Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. - R. S. Barton
Me and my two friends... GIF and Wesson.
Meets quality standards:  Compiles without errors.
Meets quality standards: It compiles without errors.
Memory dump:  Amnesia...
Microwave:  Signal from a friendly micro...
Modem:  How a Southerner asks for seconds...
Mommy!  The cursor's winking at me!
Multitasking:  Screwing up several things at once...
My BBS is baroque now.  Please call Bach later with your Handel.
My Go this  amn keyboar  oesn't have any  's.
My computer NEVER cras
My computer isn't that nervous, it's just a bit ANSI.
My computer's sick.  I think my modem is a carrier.
My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.
My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii. She sells C shells by the seashore.
Netnews is like yelling, "Anyone want to buy a used car?" in a crowded theater.
Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.
Never put off till run-time what you can do at compile-time. - D. Gries
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle. - Steinbach
Never trust a computer you can't lift. - Stan Masor
Never trust a computer you can't throw out the window. - S. Hunt
Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes. - Jackson
Never violate the Prime Directory!  C:\
Never write software that anthropomorphizes the machine.
Never write software that patronizes the user.
New: It comes in different colors from the previous version.
Nice computers don't go down.
No extensible language will be universal. - T. Cheatham
No line available at 300 baud.
No program done by a hacker will work unless he is on the system.
No program done by an undergrad will work after she graduates.
Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.
Nostalgia:  The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...
Objects are closer than they appear.
Old mail has arrived.
Old programmers never die; they just branch to a new address.
On a clear disk you can seek forever.  - Computerworld Button
On a clear disk you can seek forever. - Denning
On a clear disk you can seek forever...
One if by LAN, two if by C. - Paul Revere, as told by John Karwoski
One man's constant is another man's variable. - Perlis
One person's error is another person's data.
One picture is worth 128K words.
Overflow on /dev/null; please empty the bit bucket.
People who deal with bits should expect to get bitten. - Jon Bentley
Performance is easier to add than clarity.
Performance proven: It works through beta test.
Portable:  Survives system reboot.
Press [ESC] to detonate or any other key to explode.
Printed on 100% recyclable phosphor.
Profanity is the one language all programmers know best.
Programmer: One who is too lacking in people skills to be a software engineer.
Programmers do it bit by bit.
Programming Department:  Mistakes made while you wait.
Programming is an art form that fights back.
Programming is an unnatural act.
Programming just with goto's is like swatting flies with a sledgehammer.
Programs: What software used to be, back when we knew how to write it.
Protect your software at all costs; all else is meat.
Quality assurance: A way to ensure you never deliver shoddy goods accidentally.
RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!
REALITY.DAT not found. Atempting to restore Universe......
REALITY.SYS corrupted- reboot Universe (Y/N)?
Random access is the optimum of the mass storages.
Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE
Real programs don't eat cache.
Remember the good old days, when CPU was singular?
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
Replace repetitive expressions by calls to a common function.
Resistance is useless!  (If < 1 ohm)
Revolutionary: Disk drives go round and round.
Revolutionary: The disk drives go round and round.
SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out! - Ken Thompson
SCCS, the source motel!  Programs check in and never check out! - Ken Thompson
SENILE.COM found... Out Of Memory.
SET DEVICE = EXXON to screw up your environment.
Satisfaction Guaranteed: We'll send you another copy if it fails.
Save energy:  Drive a smaller shell.
Shift to the left!  Shift to the right!  Pop up, push down, byte, byte, byte!
Software engineer: One who engineers others into writing the code for him/her.
Software is best understood as a branch of movie making. - Ted Nelson
Software is mind work.  Having the right frame of mind is essential.
Software is to computers as yeast is to dough.  - Chuck Bradshaw
Some programming languages manage to absorb change but withstand progress.
Spellchecker not found.  Press -- to continue ...
Spelling checkers at maximum!  Fire!
Stack Error:  Lost on a cluttered desk...
Stack Overflow:  Too many pancakes...
Stack manipulation: The use of inflatable falsies. - -Datamazing, 4/1/78
State-of-the-art: What we could do with enough money.
State-of-the-practice: What we can do with the money you have.
Steinbach's Rule: Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle
Stock item: We shipped it once before, and we can do it again, probably.
Structured Programming supports the law of the excluded muddle.
Supercomputer:  Turns CPU-bound problem into I/O-bound problem. - Ken Batcher
Sure it's user-friendly...if you know what you're doing.
Swap read error.  You lose your mind.
System going down at 1:45 for disk crashing.
System going down at 5 pm to install scheduler bug.
Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. - R. S. Barton
Terminal glare:  A look that kills...
That does not compute.
The Soviet Union does not exist any more in its present format.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its power cord.
The best packed information most resembles random noise.
The best way to accelerate a Mac is at 9.8 m / sec^2l.
The computer is mightier than the pen, the sword, and usually, the programmer.
The computer is the Proteus of machines. - Seymour Papert
The computing field is always in need of new cliches. - Alan Perlis
The determined programmer can write a FORTRAN program in any language.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
The less time planning, the more time programming.
The moving cursor prints, and having printed, blinks on.
The next generation of computers will have a "Warranty Expired" interrupt.
The number of UNIX installations has grown to 10, with more expected. - June, 1972
The program is absolutely right; therefore the computer must be wrong.
The program is absolutely right; therefore, the computer must be wrong.
The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'. - Weinberg, p.152
The purpose of computing is insight, not numbers. - Hamming
The steady state of disks is full.  - Ken Thompson
The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output.
The whole is the sum of its parts, plus one or more bugs
The wise person writes bomb-proof code.
The world is coming to an end...  SAVE YOUR BUFFERS!!
The world will end in 5 minutes.  Please log out.
The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
There are always at least two ways to program the same thing.
There are never any bugs you haven't found yet.
There are two ways to write error-free programs; only the third one works.
There can never be a computer language in which you cannot write a bad program.
There is no problem that, when programmed just right, isn't more complicated.
There must be more to life than compile-and-go.
This BBS is ancient.  Some say from the echocene.
This fortune soaks up 47 times its own weight in excess memory.
This login session:  $13.76, but for you:  $11.88.
This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.
This screen intentionally left blank.
This system will self-destruct in five minutes.
This time it will surely run.
Those who can't write, write help files.
Those who can, do.  Those who cannot, teach.  Those who cannot teach, HACK!
Thrashing is just virtual crashing.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
To err is human; to forgive, beyond the scope of the Operating System.
To err is human; to really foul things up requires a computer.
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.
To iterate is human; to recurse, divine. - Robert Heller
To understand a program you must become both the machine and the program.
Todays assembler command :  EXOP   Execute Operator
Trojan:  Storage device for replicating codes...
Try not to let implementation details sneak into design documents.
UNIX is a computer virus with a user interface.
UNIX is many things to many people, but it has never been everything to anybody.
USER ERROR: Replace user and press any key to continue.
Unprecedented performance:  Nothing ever ran this slow before.
Unprecedented performance: Nothing ever ran this slow before.
Use GOTOs only to implement a fundamental structure.
Use IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE  IF...ELSE...  to implement multi-way branches.
Use free-form input where possible.
User: A harmless drudge.
Variables won't; constants aren't. - Osborn
Virus detected!  P)our chicken soup on motherboard?
Volume in Drive C:  TOO_LOUD!
WOMAN.ZIP:  Great Shareware, but be careful of viruses...
WOMEN.ZIP:  A great program, but it doesn't come with documentation...
Was that your wife I saw in that GIF?
Watch out for off-by-one errors.
What do computer engineers use for birth control?  Their personalities.
What this country needs is a good five-cent microcomputer.
When a program is being tested, it is too late to make design changes.
When all else fails, let a = 7.  If that doesn't help, then read the manual.
When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.
Where the system is concerned, you are not allowed to ask "Why?".
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?
Why do we want intelligent terminals when there are so many stupid users?
Years of development: We finally got one to work.
You can't go home again, unless you set $HOME.
You can't make a program without broken egos.
You depend too much on computers for information.
You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer.
You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago.  Tomorrow you will need that version.
You forgot to do your backup 16 days ago.  Tomorrow you'll need that version.
You had mail, but the super-user read it, and deleted it!
You have a tendency to feel you are superior to most computers.
You have junk mail.
You know it is going to be a bad day when you forget your new password.
You might have mail.
You never finish a program, you just stop working on it.
Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.
Your fault, core dumped.
Your password is pitifully obvious.
ZAP! Process discontinued. Enter any 12-digit prime number to resume.
ZMODEM:  Big bits, Soft blocks, Tighter ASCII...
[If you can't hear me, it's because I'm in parentheses]
[Unix] is not necessarily evil, like OS/2. - Peter Norton
f u cn rd ths, u cn gt a gd jb n cmptr prgrmmng.
fortune: No such file or directory
grep..grep..grep... (Frog with UNIX stuck in its' throat)
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents. - Nathaniel Borenstein
There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX. We don't believe this to be a coincidence. - Jeremy S. Anderson 
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. - Robert X. Cringely
The question of whether a computer can think is no more interesting than the question of whether a submarine can swim. - Edgar W. Dijkstra 
The only ""intuitive"" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned.
Never trust a program unless you have the source.
God is real, unless declared integer.
How should I know if it works? That's what Beta testers are for, I only coded it.
If it aint broke, don't fix it!
Our programs never have bugs, they just develop random features.
ID10T ERROR!Self-denial is the shining sore on the leprous body of Christianity. - Oscar Wilde
I love acting. It is so much more real than life.  - Oscar Wilde
The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. - Oscar Wilde
No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. - Oscar Wilde
All art is quite useless. - Oscar Wilde
The basis of optimism is sheer terror. - Oscar Wilde
Nowadays, all the married men live like bachelors, and all the bachelors like married men. - Oscar Wilde
It is only the superficial qualities that last. Man's deeper nature is soon found out. - Oscar Wilde
A man's very highest moment is, I have no doubt at all, when he kneels in the dust, and beats his breast, and tells all the sins of his life. - Oscar Wilde
The well-bred contradict other people. The wise contradict themselves. - Oscar Wilde
Crying is the refuge of plain women but the ruin of pretty ones. - Oscar Wilde
On an occasion of this kind it becomes more than a moral duty to speak one's mind. It becomes a pleasure. - Oscar Wilde
Alas, I am dying beyond my means. - Oscar Wilde
One should either be a work of art, or wear a work of art. - Oscar Wilde
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde
One's real life is so often the life that one does not lead. - Oscar Wilde
The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. - Oscar Wilde
If you pretend to be good, the world takes you very seriously. If you pretend to be bad, it doesn't. Such is the astounding stupidity of optimism. - Oscar Wilde
To give an accurate description of what has never occurred is not merely the proper occupation of the historian, but the inalienable privilege of any man of parts and culture. - Oscar Wilde
I sometimes think that God in creating man somewhat overestimated his ability. - Oscar Wilde
The husbands of very beautiful women belong to the criminal classes. - Oscar Wilde
Imagination is a quality given a man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. - Oscar Wilde
The intellect is not a serious thing, and never has been. It is an instrument on which one plays, that is all. - Oscar Wilde
Plain women are always jealous of their husbands. Beautiful women never are. They are always so occupied with being jealous of other women's husbands. - Oscar Wilde
A kiss may ruin a human life. - Oscar Wilde
Literature always anticipates life. It does not copy it, but moulds it to its purpose. The nineteenth century, as we know it, is largely an invention of Balzac. - Oscar Wilde
My experience is that as soon as people are old enough to know better, they don't know anything at all. - Oscar Wilde
Lord Illingworth: All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. Mrs. Allonby: No man does. That is his. - Oscar Wilde
The condition of perfection is idleness: the aim of perfection is youth. - Oscar Wilde
Popularity is the crown of laurel which the world puts on bad art. Whatever is popular is wrong. - Oscar Wilde
Men always want to be a woman's first love. Women have a more subtle instinct: What they like is to be a man's last romance. - Oscar Wilde
Nothing can cure the soul but the senses, just as nothing can cure the senses but the soul. - Oscar Wilde
The only difference between the saint and the sinner is that every saint has a past, and every sinner has a future. - Oscar Wilde
Lots of people act well, but few people talk well. This shows that talking is the more difficult of the two. - Oscar Wilde
To have the reputation of possessing the most perfect social tact, talk to every woman as if you loved her, and to every man as if he bored you. - Oscar Wilde
The worst form of tyranny the world has ever known the tyranny of the weak over the strong. It is the only tyranny that lasts. - Oscar Wilde
Every man of ambition has to fight his century with its own weapons. What this century worships is wealth. The God of this century is wealth. To succeed one must have wealth. At all costs one must have wealth. - Oscar Wilde
Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attraction of others. - Oscar Wilde
From the point of view of literature Mr. Kipling is a genius who drops his aspirates. From the point of view of life, he is a reporter who knows vulgarity better than any one has ever known it. - Oscar Wilde
Those whom the gods love grow young. - Oscar Wilde
You will care much less about what people think about you when you realize how seldom they do. - Oscar Wilde
To believe is very dull. To doubt is intensely engrossing. To be on the alert is to live, to be lulled into security is to die. - Oscar Wilde
Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. - Oscar Wilde
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. - Oscar Wilde
The clever people never listen, and the stupid people never talk. - Oscar Wilde
Youth smiles without any reason. It is one of its chiefest charms. - Oscar Wilde
Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations. - Oscar Wilde
Society often forgives the criminal; it never forgives the dreamer. - Oscar Wilde
Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes. - Oscar Wilde
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde
As long as war is regarded as wicked, it will always have its fascination. When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. - Oscar Wilde
When the gods choose to punish us, they merely answer our prayers. - Oscar Wilde
It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating. - Oscar Wilde
I like Wagner's music better than any other music. It is so loud that one can talk the whole time without hearing what one says. That is a great advantage. - Oscar Wilde
Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught. - Oscar Wilde
Bernard Shaw has no enemies but is intensely disliked by his friends. - Oscar Wilde

Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart.
To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart.
Anger is only one letter short of danger.
If someone betrays you once, it's his fault; if he betrays you twice, it's your fault.
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people.
God gives every bird it's food, but He does not throw it into it's nest.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.
The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people can hold it.
Philosophy is questions that may never be answered. Religion is answers that may never be questioned.
Fundamentalism means never having to say "I'm wrong".
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. - Sigmund Freud
Action stems from having dreams that are bigger than your fears. - Terry Litwiller
An army of sheep led by a lion could easily defeat an army of lions led by a sheep. - Arab Proverb
An error is not a mistake until you refuse to correct it. - Denise Polin
Arrogance makes failure. Once you think you know the answer it's almost always over. - Millard Drexler, CEO of the GAP, Inc. 
As for you my fine friend, you are a victim of disorganized thinking. You are under the unfortunate delusion that simply because you run away from danger, you have no courage. You're confusing courage with wisdom. - Frank Morgan as the Wizard of Oz: To Cowardly Lion
Assuming that just because you can hear you can listen is like assuming that just because you can see you can read. - Dr. Tony Alessandra 
Be kind to your enemies. It will keep them confused. - Sandy JH
Be quick but do not hurry. - John Wooden
Believe half of what you see And none of what you hear (Taught to me by My Mom Vivian Traendly)
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail. - George Bernard Shaw 
Don't wrestle with pigs. You both get dirty and the pig likes it. - Mark Twain 
Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction. - John F. Kennedy 
Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there. - Will Rogers 
Except and expect positive things and that is what you will receive. -  Lori Hard 
Expect happiness. Believe in magic. Take responsibility for what you create. Look for the best in everything. You have already won and you will continue to win. - Leah Solara
For an ethic is not an ethic, and a value not a value without some sacrifice to it. Something given up, something not taken, something not gained. We do it in exchange for a greater good for something worth more than just money and power and position. The great paradox of this philosophy is that in the end it brings one greater gain than any other philosophy. - Jerry Kohlberg 
Forget your mistakes but remember the lessons they taught you.
Ideals are like stars: You will not succeed in touching them with your hands, but like the seafaring men on the desert of waters you choose them as your guides and following them you will reach your destiny. - Carl Schurz
If a man would keep a secret, then he must keep it a secret that he has a secret to keep. - Francis Bacon
Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you too are great. - Mark Twain 
Life is like water. Cow drinks water and makes milk, Snake drinks water and makes poison. - Grandmaster Wonik Yi
Reach high for stars lie hidden in your soul; dream deep for every dream precedes the goal. - Anonymous 
The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up. - JM Power 
The grass may look greener on the other side but it still needs to be mowed. - Anonymous
I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world. - Socrates 
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened. - Winston Churchill 
A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read. 
Art is a lie which makes us realize the truth. - Pablo Picasso
Do what you can with what you have where you are. - Theodore Roosevelt
I don't mind going nowhere as long it's an interesting path. - Ronald Mabbitt
I was going to buy a copy of The Power Of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: "What the hell good would that do?" 
Talk low, talk slow, and don't say too much. - John Wayne
The pessimist complains about the wind. The optimist expects it to change. And the realist adjusts the sails. - William Arthur Ward
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. - Mark Twain 
A politician is a statesman who approaches every question with an open mouth. - Adlai Stevenson
Democracy is a government where you can say what you think even if you don't think.
Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge where there is no river. - Nikita Khrushchev
A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. - Oscar Wilde
Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them quite so much. - Oscar Wilde
Am I not destroying my enemies when I make them my friends? - Abraham Lincoln
Jones' Motto: Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate. 
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes Monopoly.
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you got it made. - Groucho Marx
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Under Republicans, man exploited man. Under Democrats, it's just the opposite.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes Monopoly.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
To have a successful relationship, I must learn to make it look like I'm giving as much as I'm getting.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
Nonconformists are all alike.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
I'm an optimist, but I don't think it helps.
Athiest: a person with no invisible means of support.
If you can't learn to do it well, learn to enjoy doing it badly.
Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.
Plagiarism is copying from one source; research is copying from two or more.
Time flies when you don't know what you're doing.
You can't be late until you show up.
One's own experience is the ultimate teacher. - Buddha
I passionately hate the idea of being with it, I think an artist has always to be out of step with his time. - Orson Welles
What garlic is to food, insanity is to art. 
Cheer up! The worst is yet to come! - Philander Johnson
Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. - Helen Keller
So of cheerfulness, or a good temper, the more it is spent, the more it remains. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
For they conquer who believe they can. - John Dryden
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. - Aristotle
Men show their character in nothing more clearly than by what they think laughable. - Johann von Goethe
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective. - Anonymous
If you tell the truth you don't have to remember anything. - Mark Twain
If a man insisted always on being serious, and never allowed himself a bit of fun and relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it. -  Herodotus
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves, for they shall never cease to be amused. - Anonymous
If you obey all the rules you miss all the fun. - Katharine Hepburn
Happiness depends on ourselves. - Aristotle
A joke is a very serious thing. - Winston Churchill
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.  -  -C. G. Jung
There was never a genius without a tincture of madness. - Aristotle
Truly great madness can not be achieved without significant intelligence. - Henrik Tikkanen
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity. - Anonymous
The optimist says the glass is half full. The pessimist says the glass is half empty. The pragmatist, being thirsty, drinks the water.
Communism is man's exploitation of man. Capitalism is just the opposite.
Think twice before you speak, especially if you intend to say what you think.
Age is an issue of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, ... it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain 
Every time I feel the urge to exercise, I lie down until it goes away. - Mark Twain 
A man is incomplete until he is married.  After that, he is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor 
Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny. - Frank Zappa 
Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment from life is to live dangerously! - Nietzsche 
Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society. - Mark Twain 
If you don't like it, go to Russia. - Homer Simpson 
Great spirits often meet violent oppisition with mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein 
Cats know what we feel.  They don't care, but they know.
The more I live the more my mind dwells upon the beauty and the wonder of the world. - John Burroughs 
A man of learning is never bored. - Jean Paul Richter 
A book is like a garden carried in the pocket. - Arab Proverb 
Wise men don't need advice. Fools won't take it. - -Benjamin Franklin
An optimist is a person who sees a green light everywhere. The pessimist sees only the red light. But the truly wise person is color blind. -  - Albert S.
The simplest of schoolboy is now aware of truths for which Archimedes would have given his life. - Ernest Renan, 1883 
Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. - Francis Bacon, 1597 
Great minds are like eagles, and build their nest in some lofty solitude. - Arthur Schopenhauer 
. . . It was in making education not only common to all, but in some sense compulsory on all that the destiny of the free republics of America was practically settled. - James Russell Lowell, 1870 
Knowledge is the antidote to fear. - Ralph Waldo Emerson 
To be proud of knowledge is to be blind with light. - Benjamin Franklin 
No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions. - Charles P. Steinmetz 
Life is short and we never have enough time for gladdening the hearts of those who travel the way with us. Oh, be swift to love! Make haste to be kind. -  -Hermi Frederic Amiel 
Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking together in the same direction. - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out alive. - Bugs Bunny
Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death. - James F. Byrnes
Life is too serious to be taken seriously. - Mike Leonard
If you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live. - Lin Yutang
Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right. - Anonymous
All of the animals except man know that the principal business of life is to enjoy it. - Anonymous
Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence. - Manly's Maxim
The decision doesn't have to be logical, it was unanimous. - Anonymous
Fantasy, abandoned by reason, produces impossible monsters; united with it, she is the mother of the arts and the origin of marvels. - Goya
The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable man persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man. - George Bernard Shaw
Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. - Oscar Wilde
In the arithmetic of love, one plus one equals everything, and two minus one equals nothing. - Mignon McLaughlin
Who travels for love finds a thousand miles not longer than one. - Anonymous
To be in love is merely to be in a state of perpetual anesthesia - to mistake an ordinary youngwoman for a goddess. - Anonymous
The honey is sweet, but the bee has a sting. - Anonymous
Jealousy comes from self-love rather than from true love. - Anonymous
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. - Anonymous
Love dies only when growth stops. - Anonymous
To love is to place our happiness in the happiness of another. - Gottfried von Leibnitz
The heart that loves is always young. - Greek Proverb
Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams
Too much of a good thing is wonderful. - Mae West
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. - Alfred Adler
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. - Phyllis Diller
A pessimist only sees the dark side of the clouds, and mopes; a philosopher sees both sides and shrugs; an optimist doesn't see the clouds at all--he's walking on them. - D.O.Flynn
. . . It is always well to accept your own shortcomings with candor but to regard those of your friends with polite incredulity. - Russell Lynes
Only if we can restrain ourselves is conversation possible. Good talk rises upon much self-discipline. - John Erskine
It is only the intellectually lost who never argue. - Oscar Wilde
We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another - until we speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices. - Richard M. Nixon
A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. - Lisa Kirk
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. - Ambrose Bierce
All the great speakers were bad speakers at first. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears. - Dean Rusk
Great public speakers listen to the audience with their eyes.
Exhaust neither the topic nor the audience.
O Lord, please fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and nudge me when I've said enough.
A wise man will not communicate his differing thoughts to unprepared minds, or in a disorderly manner. - Benjamin Whichcote, 1753
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. - Abraham Lincoln
A 'no' uttered from the deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. - Mahatma Gandhi
Tact is an active quality that is not exercised by merely making a dash for cover.  Be sure,  when you think you are being extremely tactful, that you are not in reality running away from something you ought to face. - Sir Frank Medlicott
Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. - Howard W. Newton
That which we are capable of feeling, we are capable of saying. - Cervantes, 1613
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares. - Henri Nouwen
Wit is a treacherous dart.  It is perhaps the only weapon with which it is possible to stab oneself in one's own back. - Geoffrey Bocca
One doesn't speak unless he is sure he can improve on the silence.
Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent. - Dionysius the Elder
First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. - Epictetus
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. - Fran Levowitz
". . . I have made this letter longer because I lack the skill to make it shorter."
The right of every person 'to be let alone' must be placed in the scales with the right of others to communicate. - Chief Justice Warren E. Burger
Never answer a letter while you are angry. - Chinese Proverb
To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves. . . let us be above such transparent egotism. - Will Durant
A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it. - Henry ford
The boor is of no use in conversation.  He contributes nothing worth hearing, and takes offense at everything. - Aristotle, c. 340 b. c.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks. - Thomas Fuller, 1642
Nothing is often a good thing to say, and always a clever thing to say. - Will Durant
The less you talk, the more you are listened to. - Abigail van Buren
I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose. - S. I. Hayakawa
Cynicism is the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.  It is the dishonest businessman's substitute for conscience.  It is the communicator's substitute for self-respect. - Russel Lynes
Advice is less necessary to the wise than to fools, but the wise derive most advantage from it. - Francesco Guicciardini, 1564
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so. - Lord Chesterfield
The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart. - Benjamin Franklin
A fanatic is one who won't change his mind and won't change the subject. - Winston Churchill
When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion." - Dale carnegie
Karl Marx: "Reason has always existed, but not always in a reasonable form." 
John Wooden: "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." 
...Their strength is to sit still.   --Is. 30:7 
I never give them hell; I just tell them the truth and they think it is hell. - Harry S. Truman  
The only people who never fail are those who never try. - Og Mandino  
A man is not finished when he is defeated. He is finished when he quits. - Richard M. Nixon  
Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do. - John Wooden  
I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still and quiet in a room alone. - Blaise Pascal  
If your life is free of failures, you're not taking enough risks. - Anonymous  
Blessed is he who makes his companions laugh. - The Koran  
You are never a loser until you quit trying. - Mike Ditka  
There is only one time that is important - NOW! It is the most important time because it is the only time that we have any power. - Leo Tolstoy  
And the trouble is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more. - Erica Jong   
Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe  
It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. - Alfred Adler
What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies. - Aristotle
Critics are like eunuchs in a harem; they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves. - Brendan Behan
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink and somebody to love you. - Brendan Behan
The first sign of a nervous breakdown is when you start thinking your work is terribly important. - Milo Bloom
Before you kill something make sure you have something better to replace it with; something better than political opportunist slamming hate horse shit in the public park. - Charles Bukowski
Talk doesn't cook rice. - Chinese proverb  
Life is a joke; It just matters how well you tell it. - Andrew Maxfield  
Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree. - Martin Luther  
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas at the same time, and still retain the ability to function. - F. Scott Fitzgerald 
It is not clear that intelligence has any long-term survival value. - Stephen Hawking 
Only two things are infinite, the Universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former. - Albert Einstein 
Anyone who isn't confused really doesn't understand the situation. - Edward R. Murrow 
We should take care not to make the intellect our god; it has, of course, powerful muscles, but no personality. - Albert Einstein 
An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself. - Albert Camus 
Reason is and ought to be the slave of the passions and can never pretend to any other office than to serve and obey them. - David Hume  
If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it. - The Rev. Jesse Jackson
I am not young enough to know everything. - Sir J.M. Barrie 
Women...are wiser than men because they know less and understand more. - James Stephens 
I know nothing except the fact of my ignorance. - Socrates 
In formal logic, a contradiction is the signal of defeat: but in the evolution of real knowledge, it marks the first step in progress toward victory. - Alfred North Whitehead
Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance. - Confucius 
the secret of contentment is knowing how to enjoy what you have, and to be able to lose all desire for things beyond your reach. - Lin Yutang
Conservatives are not necessarily stupid, but most stupid people are  conservatives. - John Stuart Mill
A Hindu story tells of a fish who asked of another fish: "I have always heard about the sea, but what is it? Where is it?" The other fish replied: "You live, move and have your being in the sea. The sea is within you and without you, and you are made of sea, and you will end in sea. The sea surrounds you as your own being." The only true answer is the one that you find for youself.
The great path has no gates, Thousands of roads enter it. When one passes through this gateless gate He walks freely between heaven and earth.
Here none think of wealth or fame, All talk of right and wrong is quelled: In autumn I rake the leaf-banked stream, In spring attend the nightingale.  Who dares approach the lion's Mountain cave? Cold, robust, A Zen-person through and through, I let the spring breeze enter at the gate. - Daigu 
The most dangerous party member.-- In every party there is one who through his all too credulous avowal of the party's principles incites the others to apostasy. - from Nietzsche's Human, all too Human, s.298, R.J. Hollingdale transl.    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 
Hundred-year quarantine.-- Democratic institutions are quarantine arrangements to combat that ancient pestilence, lust for tyranny: as such they are very useful and very boring. - from Nietzsche's The Wanderer and his Shadow,s. 289, R.J. Hollingdale transl.  
Not too deep.-- People who comprehend a thing to its very depths rarely stay faithful to it forever. For they have brought its depths into the light of day: and in the depths there is always much that is unpleasant to see. - from Nietzsche's Human, all too Human, s.489, R.J. Hollingdale transl. 
Cause of 'altruism'.-- Men have on the whole spoken of love with such emphasis and so idolized it because they have had little of it and have never been allowed to eat their fill of this food: thus it became for them 'food of the gods'. Let a poet depict a utopia in which there obtains universal love, he will certainly have to describe a painful and ludicrous state of affairs the like of which the earth has never yet seen - everyone worshipped, encumbered and desired, not by one lover, as happens now, but by thousands, indeed by everyone else, as the result of an uncontrollable drive which would then be as greatly execrated and cursed as selfishness had been in former times; and the poets in that state of things - provided that they were left alone long enough to write - would dream of nothing but the happy, loveless past, of divine selfishness, of how it was once possible to be alone, undisturbed, unloved, hated, despised on earth, and whatever else may characterize the utter baseness of the dear animal world in which we live. - from Nietzsche's Daybreak,s. 147, R.J. Hollingdale transl.  
Remedium amoris.-- The cure for love is still in most cases that ancient radical medicine: love in return. - from Nietzsche's Daybreak, s. 415, R.J. Hollingdale transl 
We are all worms, but I do believe that I am a glow-worm. - Winston Churchill
I am not a Marxist. - Karl Marx
What does not destroy me, makes me strong. - Friedrich Nietzsche
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George Santayana
Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive! - Sir Walter Scott (Marmion, 1808)
Not too deep.-- People who comprehend a thing to its very depths rarely stay faithful to it forever. For they have brought its depths into the light of day: and in the depths there is always much that is unpleasant to see. - from Nietzsche's Human, all too Human, s.489, R.J. Hollingdale transl. 
A bestseller is a gilded tomb of a mediocre talent. - Logan P.Smith
A bird can fly, but a fly can't bird. - Tao of Pooh.
A boy's best friend is his mother. - Anthony Perkins
A free society is a place where it's safe to be unpopular. - Stevenson
A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice. - Howe
A hand I could have sat in, took hold of my shoulder.  - Robert Mitchum
A joke's a very serious thing. - Winston Churchill
A joke, son. It's a JOKE. Don'cha get it? - Foghorn Leghorn
A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. - Chinese Proverb
A lie is a terminological inexactitude. - Winston Churchill
A lie's a lie and dressed in white don't help it. - Marjorie Main
A little rebellion now and then is a good thing.
A man should be what he can do. - Montgomery Clift
A man who lies cannot love. - Goldie Hawn
A primitive artist is an amateur whose work sells. - Grandma Moses
A technique is a trick that works. - Gian Carlo Rota
A technique is a trick that works. - Gian-Carlo Rota
A weapon is an enemy even to its owner. - Turkish Proverb
A wit with dunces and a dunce with wits. - Pope
A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire
A woman either loves or hates; she knows no medium. - Publilius
A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke. - Rudyard Kipling
A woman who is loved always has success. - Baum
A woman with a past, has no future. - Oscar Wilde
A yawn is a silent shout. - Chesterton
A young doctor means a new graveyard. - German proverb
A zebra cannot change its spots. - Al Gore
Ability is nothing without opportunity. - Napoleon Bonaparte
After all, tomorrow is another day. - Vivian Leigh
Ah *HA!* (pregnant pause) Pronoun Trouble... - Daffy Duck.
Ah said, pay attention, boy! - Foghorn Leghorn.
Ah'm thinkin'! . . . And muh head hurts. - Yosemite Sam
Alas! The poor Tagline. I knew it well. - W. Tagspeare
All Bibles are man-made. - Thomas Edison
All acts performed in the world begin in the imagination. - Harrison
All art is knowing when to stop. - Morrison
All cats are *not* grey at night. Endless variety... - Heinlein
All cats are gray in the dark. - Benjamin Franklin
All fantasy should have a solid base in reality. - Sir Max Beerbohm.
All for love, and nothing for reward. - Edmund Spencer
All generalizations are bad. - R. H. Grenier
All great men make mistakes. - Winston Churchill
All is flux, nothing stays still. - Heraclitus (480 B.C.)
All is well that ends well. - John Heywood (1497)
All know the way, few actually walk it. - Bodhidharma
All life is a meditation, most of it unintentional.
All men by nature desire knowledge. - Aristotle
All men have need of Gods. - Homerus
All my work, my life, everything is about survival. - Angelou
All of us have unique talents and gifts. - Cordes
All of you know what I stand for...what I believe. - Fredric March
All our wanting comes from needs, thus we continiously suffer. - The intellect.
All paid employments absorb & degrade the mind. - Aristotle.
All philosophy is a form of confession. - Friedrich Nietzsche
All power corrupts, but we need electricity. - D.W. Jones
All that we are is the result of what we have thought. - Buddha
All that we can do to help ourselves is stay alive. - Rush
All that we see or seem, is but a dream within a dream. - Edgar Allen Poe
All the poet can do today is warn. - Owen
All the wild witches, those most noble ladies. - William Butler Yeats
All the world is indeed a stage... - William Shakespeare
All things are metaphors. - Goethe
All things are possible to one who believes. - St. Bernard
All things in the end are swallowed by death. - Plato
All things we can conceive of clearly; exist. Descartes
All warfare is based on deception. - Sun Tzu, The Art of War
All we can hold in our dead hands is all we have given away. - Sanskrit
All writers write in spite of. - Alther
Almost everybody is born a genius and buried an idiot. - A. Bierce
Alone, I look down the road. Each must walk one's own path. - 365 Tao
An elephant:  A mouse built to government specifications. - L. Long
Anarchy is the least stable of all social structures. - Larry Niven
And IXNAY on the wishing for more wishes! - Genie of the Lamp
And to the flower a bee is a messenger of love... - Gibran
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly. - GK Chesterton
Any sufficiently advanced technology looks like magic. - A. C. Clarke
Anyone can afford hate. It costs you to love. - John Williamson
Anything for the love of words! - Andromache
As self sacrificing as a candle. - Angie Papadakis
At my age, you're lucky if the pilot light doesn't go out. - B. Fitzgerald
Away with him! Away with him! He speaks Taglinese. - Tagspeare
Beauty is life when life unveils her holy face. - K. Gibran
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Boy, what a dope you must think I am! - Fred MacMurray
Brevity is the soul of taglines. - Tagspeare, Hamlet
Chance generally favors the prudent. - oubert
Chivalry is not only dead, it's decomposed. - Rudy Vallee
Cockadoodle, I say doodle, do, son. - Foghorn Leghorn
Complete abstinence is easier than perfect moderation. - St. Augustine
Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. - Pabalo Picasso
Contained in this short life are magical extents. - Emily Dickinson
Dad, I said it was a matter of honor, remember? - James Dean
Dancing is a waste of time. - Cyd Charisse
Disillusionment is what little heroes are made of. - Gene Kelly
Divorce is defeat...It's an adult failure.
Do not call up that which ye cannot put down. - H.P. Lovecraft
Don't point that finger at me unless you intend to use it. - Matthau
Early & provident fear is the mother of safety. - Burke
Even a genius can have an off day.
Even the bravest of men are frightened by sudden terrors. - Tacitus
Every possibility exists somewhere as a Shadow of the real. - Corwin
Everybody in this town hides behind plain wrappers. - Diane Varsi
Everyone wishes that the man whom he fears would perish. - Ovid
Everything in excess! Moderation is for monks! - Robert A. Heinlein
Everything's got a moral, if only you can find it.
Faith is larger than any ifs. - Stephen Mitchell
Fate steals along with silent tread. - Cowper
Fear always springs from ignorance. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
Fear follows crime and is its punishment. - Voltaire
Fear is not a lasting teacher of duty. - Cicero
Fear is proof of a degenerate mind. - Vergil
Fear is the mother of foresight. - Henry Taylor
Fear is the mother of mortality. - Nietzsche
Fear makes men believe the worst. - Curtis Rufus
Fear, either as a principle or a motive, is the beginning of all evil.
For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and big words Bother me. - Winnie the Pooh
For a sorcerer, reality..is only a description. - Carlos Castenada
From a distance it is something and nearby it is nothing. - LaFontaine
Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. - H. H. Williams
Gentle dullness ever loves a joke. - - Pope
Geography is just physics slowed down, with a few trees stuck in it.
Get smart.  There hasn't been a new man since Adam. - Richard Conte
Give the power direction, and it shall flow. - Scott Cunningham
Give us tools, and we will finish the job. - Winston Churchill
Give us tools, and we will finish the job. - Winston Churchill
Go to Hell for the company; Heaven for climate. - M Twain
Go to Hell for the company; Heaven for climate. - M Twain
God is love. But what a mischievous devil Love is. - Butler
Gramp, how many other people in the world have green hair? - D. Stockwell
Happiness is something I know nothing about. - Laurence Olivier
He received the news with his eyebrows. - John Galsworthy
He that fears you present, will hate you absent. - Fuller
He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato
He who reasons with fools dresses in warm aspic. - Chiun
Hear & you forget; see & you remember; do & you understand. - Confucius
Heaven and Earth are ruthless... - Lao tzu
Heaven means to be one with God. - Confucius
Hello, Devil...welcome to Hell. - Gene Kelly
Hey, do you mind if I take just one more look? - Fredric March
His huff arrived, and he departed in it. - Alexander Woollcott
His mind is like a steel trap - full of mice. - Foghorn Leghorn
History does not repeat itself. Historians repeat each other.
Housework, done properly, can kill you. - Erma Bombeck
Hurled headlong flaming from th' ethereal sky. - Milton
I am an informer, not a hypocrite! - Gene Lockhart
I am so happy it frightens me. - William Holden
I am the Love that dare not speak its name. - Lord Douglas
I believe in a God that doesn't need heavy financing.
I can PC myself into a corner in 0-3 seconds! - Arwen Nightstar
I fly, and save planets in peril! - Space Ghost
I found god in myself...& I loved her fiercely. - N Shange
I have a very pessimistic view of life. - Woody Allen
I keep my feathers numbered for just such an emergency. - F.Leghorn
I never answer letters from large organizations. - Jason Robards
I never lose. - Kirk Douglas
I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. - George Bernard Shaw
I want to come home. - Lee Remick
I want to get married.  Everybody drives me crazy. - Ernest Borgnine
I want to love first, and live incidentally.
I'm so deathly afraid of getting pretty as I grow older. - Witch Hazel
I'm starting to worry about this voyage.
I'm trying to memorize your face. - Robert Montgomery
I've always been a man of the world. - Clifton Webb
I've always wanted to do that.
I've had hangovers before-but this time even my hair hurts. - Rock Hudson
If I kept my hair natural the way you do, I'd be bald. - Rosalind Russell
If men could get pregnant, abortion would be a sacrament. - F. Kennedy
In extreme danger fear feels no pity. - Caesar
In love there are two evils: war and peace. - Horace
In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte
Intellect annuls fate. So far as a man thinks, he is free. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is all the same nonsense when you work for a lunatic. - Chuin
It is easier to destroy than to create. - Larry Niven
It is far safer to be feared than loved. - Niccoli Machiavelli
It is the journey that matters, in the end. - U.K. le Guin
It's a man's world. -  Paul Douglas
It's stronger than both of us together. - Paul Henreid
Jazz tickles your muscles, symphonies stretch your soul. - Paul Whitman
Just as courage imperils life, fear protects it. - Leonardo da Vinci
Just say you love me.  You don't have to mean it. - Carolyn Jones
Laugh while the years race down your face. - Maya Angelou
Learn'd without sense, and venerably dull. - Winston Churchill
Life is a desire, not a meaning. Charles Chaplin
Life is what happens while you are making other plans. - J Lennon
Listen to me...I'm no good. - Tyrone Power
Listen with the breath. - Chuang Tzu
Love is a kind of warfare. - Ovid, 43BC
Love is a miracle. - George Segal
Love is eternal. - Clifton Webb
Love is like the measles: you only get it once. - Howard Keel
Love is the crocodile on the river of desire. - Bhartrihari
Love is the morning and the evening star. - Burt Lancaster
Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind. - William Shakespeare
Marriages in the midst of decay are cold, uncomfortable things. - Moondn
Masturbation is to sex as philosophy is to real life.
Men don't get smarter when they get older. - Claudette Colbert
Money seems to have lost its value these days. - Tony Randall
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo. - H.G. Wells
Morality is how we should become worthy of happiness. - Kant
Most Gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
Much seriousness is required to achieve the frivolous. - Chanel
My karma is heavily seasoned with the spice of Improbability. - Cadigan
My love thou art, my love I think. - William Shakespeare
Nature bats last, unless we change the lineup! - PaganHippy
Nature's far too subtle to repeat herself.
Never confuse I love you with I want to marry you. - Cleveland Amory
Never express yourself more clearly than you think. - Neils  Bohr
Never fire a laser at a mirror. - Larry Niven
Never let your tongue cut your own throat. - Chinese Proverb
Never marry someone who isn't a friend to your excitement. - Brandon
Never say never. - Paul Newman
Never stand next to someone throwing shit at an armed man. - Larry Niven
Never throw shit at an armed man. - Larry Niven
Never try to catch two frogs with one hand. - Chinese Proverb
Never was so much owed by so many to so few. - Winston Churchill
Nice boy, but about as sharp as a sack of wet mice. - Foghorn Leghorn
No cause is so right that one cannot find a fool following it. - Larry Niven
No man loves life like him that's growing old. - Sophocles
No one loves the man whom he fears. - Aristotle
No people do so much harm as those who go about doing good. - Mandell Cre
No technique works if it isn't used. - Larry Niven
Nobody ever lies about bein' lonely. - Montgomery Clift
Not responsible for advice not taken. - Larry Niven
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. - Marie Cure
Nothing in the affairs of men is worth great anxiety. - Plato
Old age is not for sissies. - Larry Niven
One look at love and you may see it weaves a web of mystery. - Enya
One must expect a few thunderbolts if one would play with gods.
Our souls extoll the sweet fir-laden air... - Li Po
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing. - Will Rogers
Perfectionism is spelled `paralysis.' - Winston Churchill
Present fears are less than horrible imaginings. - William Shakespeare
Psi and/or magical powers, if real, are nearly useless. - Larry Niven
Religion is morality touched by emotion.
Responsibility is the price of greatness. - Winston Churchill
Rest, rest, perturbed tagline ! - Tagspeare
Romeo, Oh, Romeo.  Art thou real or a handle? - Tagspeare
Round up the usual suspects!
Science Fiction:The only genuine consciousness-raising drug. - C.S. Lewis
She got a heart as big as her head. - William Bendix
She is the night, and my loneliness in bondage. - Danzig
She was a headache, but viva l'amour! - Pepe Le Pew
So I throw the windows wide and call to you across the sky.
So much they talk'd, so very little said. - Winston Churchill
Somebody must have put alcohol in our liquor. - Louis Armstrong
Sound loves to revel in a Summer night. - Edgar Allen Poe.
Speak to the earth, and it shall teach thee. Job 12:8
Take away love and our earth is a tomb. - Browning
That is a rule up with which I shall not put. - Churchill
That was, I said, that was a JOKE son! F. Leghorn
That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
That without substance can enter where there is no room. - Tao Te Ching
That's all I've become to you: a pair of dirty hands. - Laurence Olivier
The Devil hath the power to assume a pleasing shape. - william Shakespeare
The Russian is a delightful person till he tucks in his shirt. Churchill
The best laid plans often go afoul. - Wile E. Coyote
The best part of myself...that's what you are. - Clifton Webb
The clouds are pushing in grey reluctance slowly northward. - D.H. Lawrence
The dynamic principle of fantasy is play.
The earthling has stolen the space modulator! - Marvin The Martian
The gods too are fond of a joke. - Aristotle
The great man is he who does not lose his child heart.
The legs of Men will lag on a rough road, while a Dwarf goes on! - Gimli
The love of liberty is the love of others. - Hazlitt
The man whose authority is recent is always stern. - Aeschylus
The map is not the territory. - Alfred Korzbyski
The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable. - Seneca
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Cornelius Tacit
The myth of socialism is far stronger than the reality of capitalism.
The one in the middle may remain...the rest, another day.
The only thing to fear is fear itself. - Franklin D. Roosevelt
The only victory over love is flight. - Napoleon Bonaparte
The price for puerile entertainment is preposterous!
The real money is in starting your own religion. - L. Ron Hubbard
The secret waits for the insight of eyes unclouded by longing. - Lao Tzu
The shortest distance between two points is through Hell. - Brian Clark
The stars blazed like the love of God, cold and distant. - - R. Zelazny
The way to love anything is to realize it might be lost. - Chesterton
The ways of being human are bounded but infinite. - Larry Niven
The well balanced individual is insane. - A. Bierce
The wheel of the Good Law moves swiftly on. - H.P. Blatavasky
The wise man learns more from his enemies than a fool does from his friends
The world doesn't make any heroes. - Orson Welles
The world is ruled by letting things take their course. - Lao Tsu
There exist minds which think as well as you do, but differently. - Larry Niven
There is a time and place for tact. - Larry Niven
There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw
There is no passion so contagious as that of fear. - Montaigne
There is nothing so bad & so dangerous in life as fear. - Nehru
There ought to be a room in every house to swear in. - Mark Twain
There'll be no locks or bolts between us. - John Wayne
There's nothing more demoralizing than money. - Sophocles
They talk of my drinking but never my thirst. - Scottish Proverb
This thing of darkness I acknowledge mine.
This voyage has begun.
Time is not a line, but a series of now-points. - Taisen Deshimaru
Tis brief, my lord. As a woman's love. - William Shakespeare, Hamlet
To hell with the truth! - Robert Ryan
To live alone, to be both beast & god: a philosopher. - Nietzsche
To many time we confuse motion with progress. - Cyclops
True victory gives love and changes the enemy's heart. - Ueshiba
Valor grows by daring, fear by holding back. - Syrus
Vehemence is no guarantee of truth. - Isaac Asimov
We all have our daydreams. - David Niven
We are more alike, my friends, than we are unalike. - Maya Angelou
We are what we pretend to be. - Kurt Vonnegut
We carry within us wonders we seek without us. - Sir Thomas Browne
We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them. - Livy
We have lived a painful history, we know a shameful past. - Maya Angelou
We read to know we are not alone. - C.S. Lewis
We're in complete agreement!  We hate each other! - Nanette Fabray
What fools these tagliners be! - Tagspeare
What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art.
What is an adult? A child blown up by age.
What is morally wrong can never be politically right.
What the gods give, they quickly take away. - George Sanders
What're you squawking about? - John Hodiak
What's essential is invisible to the eye. - Gene Wilder
When great trees fall, rocks on distant hills shudder. - Maya Angelou
When old folks laugh, they free the world. Maya Angelou
When the body sleeps, the soul is enfolded in One. 
When we can't dream any longer, we die..
Where fear is present, wisdom cannot be. - Lactantius
Where's the rest of me? - Ronald Reagan 
Wherever the fates lead us let us follow. - Vergil
Who bravely dares must sometimes risk a fall.
Why do we journey, muttering like rumors among the stars? - Maya Angelou
Why do you always make jokes about my name? - Peter Lorre 
Without innovation, art is a corpse. - Winston Churchill
Women and elephants never forget an injury. - Saki
Worry, the interest paid by those who borrow trouble. - George Washington
Yahweh is the God who forgot he was a metaphor.
You brought music back into the house.
You can't direct the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
You don't have to explain something you never said. - Calvin Coolidge
You speak an infinite deal of taglines. - Tagspeare
You were probably frightened by a callus at an early age. - Eve Arden
You'd be shocked at how your neighbor makes love. - Plato
You're as phony to me as an opera soprano. - William Holden
Young man, let's see your legs. - Rosalind Russell
Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.
Zen is like looking for the spectacles that are sitting on your nose.
`Reality' should always be used in quotes. - Buckminster Fuller
Teamwork is essential: it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
Make sure that you land as many times as you take off.
Do not believe in miracles... rely on them
A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.
Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called Bureaucracy. Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses. 
Never try to outstubborn a cat. 
The idea is to die young as late as possible.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was. 
Monday is an awful way to spend one seventh of your life.
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. 
The easiest way to figure the cost of living is to take your income and add ten percent. 
Hard work may not kill you, but why take chances ? 
Unnamed law: If it happens, it must be possible. 
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa. 
An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. 
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. 
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. 
God gives us relatives, thank goodness we can choose our friends. 
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
It would be nice if the Food and Drug administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat. 
You can make it illegal, but you can't make it unpopular. 
Whenever anyone says, 'theoretically', they really mean, 'not really' 
Nudists are people who wear one-button shirts. 
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the tracks. 
I'd rather be pissed off than pissed on. 
Work fascinates me. I could sit and watch it for hours.
If I follow you home will you keep me? 
I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them. 
I didn't get the documentation for the manuals. 
The right half of the brain controls the left half of the body. This means that only left handed people are in their right mind. 
God gave men a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to fill one at a time. 
Always remember you're unique - just like everyone else. 
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. 
The game women play is men. 
Success always occurs in private and failure in full public view. 
Memory is like an orgasm. It's a lot better if you don't have to fake it. Seymore Cray, on virtual memory
Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 
I don't have an attitude problem; you have a problem with my attitude. 
If life sucks so much, then why am I so unhappy? 
If you learn from your mistakes, then why ain't I a genius?! 
If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does waiting in a line take so long? 
A girl phoned me and said...Come on over there's nobody home. I went over... Nobody was home! 
There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast. 
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. 
As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat. 
Minds are Like Parachutes,  They Function Best When They are Open.
This is But a Dream,  Make It a Happy One.   - Carl Banholzer
All the World is a Stage,  Some of Us Just Have Better Seats
Research your own experiences for the thruth. Absorb what is usefull... Add what is specially your own - Bruce Lee
An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind - Mohandas Ghandi
You can kill 10 of my man for evey one I kill of yours, yet even at those odds, you will lose and I will win - Ho Chi Min
Take a method and try it. If it fails, admit it frankly and ty another. But above all try something - F.D.Rooseveld
It was the nation that had the lion's heat. I had the luck to be called upon to give the roar - Winston Churchill
It's true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance? - Ronald Reagan
Smart is he who speaks from the mind. Wise is he who speaks from experience. Happy is he who speaks from the heart. - E.J. Bouter.
Use soft words in hard arguments. -h. g. bohn, 1855
. . . it is always well to accept your own shortcomings with candor but to regard those of your friends with polite incredulity. -russell lynes
Only if we can restrain ourselves is conversation possible. Good talk rises upon much self-discipline. -john erskine
It is only the intellectually lost who never argue. -oscar wilde
We cannot learn from one another until we stop shouting at one another - until we speak quietly enough so that our words can be heard as well as our voices. -richard m. nixon
A diplomat is a person who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. -caskie stinnett
A gossip is one who talks to you about others; a bore is one who talks to you about himself; and a brilliant conversationalist is one who talks to you about yourself. -lisa kirk
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. -ambrose bierce
All the great speakers were bad speakers at first. -ralph waldo emerson
One of the best ways to persuade others is with your ears. -dean rusk
Great public speakers listen to the audience with their eyes.
Exhaust neither the topic nor the audience.
O Lord, please fill my mouth with worthwhile stuff, and nudge me when I've said enough.
A wise man will not communicate his differing thoughts to unprepared minds, or in a disorderly manner. -benjamin whichcote, 1753
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. -abraham lincoln
A 'no' uttered from the deepest conviction is better and greater than a 'yes' merely uttered to please, or what is worse, to avoid trouble. -mahatma gandhi
Tact is an active quality that is not exercised by merely making a dash for cover.  Be sure,  when you think you are being extremely tactful, that you are not in reality running away from something you ought to face. -sir frank medlicott
Tact is the knack of making a point without making an enemy. -howard w. newton
That which we are capable of feeling, we are capable of saying. -cervantes, 1613
The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing, and face us with the reality of our powerlessness, that is the friend who cares. -henri nouwen
Wit is a treacherous dart.  It is perhaps the only weapon with which it is possible to stab oneself in one's own back. -geoffrey bocca
One doesn't speak unless he is sure he can improve on the silence.
Let thy speech be better than silence, or be silent. -dionysius the elder
First learn the meaning of what you say, and then speak. -epictetus
The opposite of talking isn't listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. -fran levowitz
. . . I have made this letter longer because I lack the skill to make it shorter.
The right of every person 'to be let alone' must be placed in the scales with the right of others to communicate. -chief justice warren e. burger
Never answer a letter while you are angry. -chinese proverb
To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves. . . let us be above such transparent egotism. -will durant
A bore is a fellow who opens his mouth and puts his feats in it. -henry ford
The boor is of no use in conversation.  He contributes nothing worth hearing, and takes offense at everything. -aristotle, c. 340 b. c.
The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks. -thomas fuller, 1642
Nothing is often a good thing to say, and always a clever thing to say. -will durant
The less you talk, the more you are listened to. -abigail van buren
I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose. -S. I. Hayakawa
Cynicism is the intellectual cripple's substitute for intelligence.  It is the dishonest businessman's substitute for conscience.  It is the communicator's substitute for self-respect. -russel lynes
Advice is less necessary to the wise than to fools, but the wise derive most advantage from it. -francesco guicciardini, 1564
Be wiser than other people if you can, but do not tell them so. -lord chesterfield
The heart of a fool is in his mouth, but the mouth of a wise man is in his heart. -benjamin franklin
A fanatic is one who won't change his mind and won't change the subject. -winston churchill
When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion. -dale carnegie
One cannot change the past, but one can ruin the present by worrying over the future.
So live that you can look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself, And heed well their advice... even though they be turkeys.
Strange how much you have to know before you know how little you know.
Tell a man that there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you.... Tell him that a bench has wet paint upon it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.
The best way out of a difficulty is through it.
The one who loves least controls the relationship.
There is no genius free from some tincture of madness.
All that glitters is not gold. - All that doesn't glitter isn't either.
Always be sincere - Even when you don't mean it.
Always put the important before the merely urgent.
An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.
Charity covers a multitude of sins, but curiosity soon uncovers them again.
Conscience is the little thing that tells you someone is sure to find out.
Happiness can't buy money.
Never put off till tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
Reality is for people who cannot cope with science fiction.
The reason that people here get lost in thought is because it's such unfamiliar territory.
The road to success is usually under construction.
Time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space.
"Faith" can be defined as "any man's hope that the human spirit is capable of understanding"; that anything actually matters in the larger universe; and that understanding anything could be important outside of our own selfish whims and desire to survive....and somehow, because it is important, understanding can go on without us, waiting only to be rediscovered by the future, or at worst, pissed away, in spite of all our prayers, and work, and suffering.
A critic is a legless man who teaches running.
A diamond cannot be polished without friction, nor the man perfected without trials.
A dog does not bite the hand that feeds him. That is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
A faithful car will continue to be faithful until the day you fit it with four brand new tyres, then it will fall apart.
A friend is someone who likes you in spite of yourself.
A good memory does not equal pale ink.
A heart that loves is always young.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A king's castle is his home.
A liberal is a conservative who's been arrested. A conservative is a liberal who's been mugged.
A man who turns green has eschewed protein.
A mind is like a parachute. It's only useful when it's open.
A minute now is better than a minute later.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.
A plucked goose doesn't lay golden eggs.
A religious conservative is a fanatic about a dead radical.
A rolling stone gathers momentum.
A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being "frank."
A Wise Man can see more from the bottom of a well than a Fool can see from the top of a mountain.
After all is said and done, a lot more has been said than done.
Always be happy, but never be satisfied.
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
An authority is somebody who can tell you more about something than you really care to know.
An easily understood, workable falsehood is more useful than a complex incomprehensible truth.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it.
Anarchy is better than no government at all.
And so we plough along, as the fly said to the ox.
Any inanimate object, regardless of its position, configuration or purpose, may be expected to perform at any time in a totally unexpected manner for reasons that are either entirely obscure or else completely mysterious.
Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening!
As far as we can discern, the sole purpose of human existance is to kindle a light of meaning in the darkness of mere being.
Be not afraid of growing slowly, be only afraid of standing still.
Behind every argument is someone's ignorance.
Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness.
Brain.....The apparatus with which we think that we think.
Buy old masters. They bring better prices than young mistresses.
Civilization Law #1: Civilization advances by extending the number of important operations one can do without thinking about them.
Clean mind, clean body: Take your pick.
Conscience: Something that feels terrible when every thing else feels swell.
Conversation enriches the understanding, but solitude is the soul of genius.
Courage is your greatest present need.
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
Darkness reigns at the foot of the lighthouse.
Do not believe in miracles - rely on them.
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
Don't force it, get a larger hammer.
Every Titanic has its iceberg.
Fools rush in where fools have been before.
Frustration is the hall-mark of genius.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
Good judgement comes from experience which comes from poor judgement.
Good things come to those who wait.
Half the truth is often a great lie.
Happiness is like a sunbeam, which the least shadow intercepts, while adversity is often as the rain of spring.
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
He who asks is a fool for five minutes, but he who does not ask remains a fool forever.
He who dares nothing, need not hope for anything.
He who has a choice has trouble.
He who never fell never climbed.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Help me to resist temptation, Lord, especially when I know no one is looking.
Hesitation is the thief of time.
I despise the pleasure of pleasing people whom I despise.
I have yet to see any problem, which, when you looked at it the right way, did not become still more complicated.
I'm going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.
If you are feeling good, don't worry, you'll soon get over it.
If you explain so clearly that no one can misunderstand, somebody will.
If you haven't all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don't have that you wouldn't want.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you. If you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you neglect your art for one day it will neglect you for two.
If you only look at what is, you might never attain what could be.
If you try and please everybody, nobody will like it.
If you wish to learn the highest truths, begin with the alphabet.
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
If you're not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
In nature, nothing is ever right. therefore, if everything is going right... SOMETHING IS WRONG.
In the field of observation, chance favours only the prepared minds.
Incompetence knows no barriers of time or place.
Inside every small problem is a large problem struggling to get out.
Internal consistency is more highly valued than efficiency.
It is a poor workman who blames his tools.
It is better for civilisation to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.
It is better to be a coward for a minute than dead for the rest of your life.
It is wise to keep in mind that no success or failure is necessarily final.
It takes time to build a castle.
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
It's not how big your pencil is, but how you write your name.
It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things.
Judge not the horse by his saddle.
Just because you ignore the facts, does not mean they cease to exist.
Know what to kiss... and when.
Laughter is the shock absorber of life's blows.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
Life is a yo-yo, and mankind ties knots in the string.
Life is like an onion; You peel off layer after layer, then you find there is nothing in it.
Life's a bitch, then you die.
Like winter snow on summer lawn, time past is time gone.
Logic The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacitates of human misunderstanding.
Love doesn't cause pain, people do.
Love is knowing that you want to spend the rest of your life with someone, and not knowing if they want to spend it with you.
Love is perfect, even when we are not.
Love is what the heart needs.
Love makes the time pass. Time makes love pass.
Love may conquer everything but it needs time as its field general.
Make new friends but keep the old; One is silver and the other's gold.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
Monday is a hard way to spend one seventh of your life.
Money can't buy happiness, but it can certainly rent it for a few hours.
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honour, make him pay cash.
Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.
Money wouldn't be so important if everybody didn't want some.
Moral: Design before you implement.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Never argue with a fool, people might not be able to tell you apart!
Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat. - Harry Emerson Fosdick
Consider the past and you shall know the future. -  Chinese Proverb
You can't get where you want to go if you don't know where you are.
To many time we confuse motion with progress. - Cyclops
If I wished to punish a province, I would have it governed by philosophers. - Frederick II, the Great
The best way to predict your future is to create it.
If you don't know where you're going, any road will take you there.
Enthousiamos is being filled with theos. 
The goal of the works of a genius' existance lies only in itself.
Pleasure and joy are deceptive
The intellect is an instrument of the will
Ethics only exists in the eyes of the beholder.
Reason is a metaphore of the flat earth.
Analytic and romantic understanding should be united at a basic level. Reassimilate the passions from which the rational mind fled. - R.M.Pirsig
Fear is the mind killer. - Paul Muad'Ib
To have and to want more that is life. - F. Nietzsche
The distribution of power establishes itself in an economical society. 
That the sun shines tommorow is a judgement that is as true as the contrary judgement. - David Hume
All our wanting comes from needs, thus we continiously suffer. The intellect teaches free will, free from suffering. - Arthur Schopenhauer
Philosophy! Empty thinking by ignorant conceited men who think they can digest without eating! - Iris Murdoch 
Knowing others is Wisdom, knowing yourself is Enlightenment. - LaoTzu
The Truth is realized in an instant; the Act is practiced step by step. - Zen saying
If you work on your mind with your mind, how can you avoid immense confusion? - Seng-Ts'an
Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the men of old;  Seek what they sought. - Basho
Teachers open the door, but you must enter by yourself. - Chinese Proverb
Zen does not confuse spirituality with thinking about God while one is peeling potatoes...Zen spirituality is just to peel the potatoes. - Alan Watts
Knock on the sky and listen to the sound! - Zen saying
Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others. - Edward Abbey 
In the beginning, the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry, and has been widely regarded as a bad idea. - Douglas Adam
Smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. - African Proverb 
The man who has no imagination has no wings. -  Muhammad Ali
The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. - Muhammad Ali 
I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars. - Fred Allen 
There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more. - Woody Allen 
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated. - Poul Anderson
The gods too are fond of a joke. - Aristotle
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not Eureka! (I found it!) but rather, 'hmm.... that's funny...'. - Isaac Asimov
I do not fear Satan half so much as I fear those who fear him. - Theresa of Avila
History does not repeat itself. Historians repeat each other. - Arthur Balfour
Behind every great fortune there is a crime. - Honore de Balzac
...the myth of socialism is far stronger than the reality of capitalism. That is because capitalism is not really an ism at all. It is what people do if you leave them alone. - Arnold Beichmen, Hoover Institute Fellow 
Happiness is good health and a bad memory. - Ingrid Bergman (1917-1982) 
There's nothing new under the sun, but there are lots of old things we don't know. - Ambrose Bierce 
Never express yourself more clearly than you think. - N. Bohr
The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth. - Niels Bohr 
You are not thinking. You are merely being logical. - Neils Bohr to Albert Einstein 
Ability is nothing without opportunity. - Napoleon Bonaparte 
In politics an absurdity is not a handicap. - Napoleon Bonaparte 
If you are not an idealist by the time you are twenty you have no heart, but if you are still an idealist by the time you are thirty, you don't have a head. - Randolph Bourne 
Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing. - Dick Brandon 
There's no government like no government. - Bumper sticker, seen in Berkeley, CA 
Absence is to love what wind is to fire; it extinguishes the small, it enkindles the great. - Comte de Bussy-Rabutin
Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy. - Joseph Campbell 
It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money. - Albert Camus
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. - Al Capone 
Whenever man comes up with a better mousetrap, nature immediately comes up with a better mouse. - James Carswell
How many cares one loses when one decides not to be something but to be someone. - Coco Chanel 
Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. - G.K. Chesterton 
One sees great things from the valley, only small things from the peak. - G. K. Chesterton 
A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step.  - Chinese Proverb 
Behind an able man there are always other able men. - Chinese Proverb
In shallow waters, shrimps make fools of dragons. - Chinese Proverb 
Judge not the horse by his saddle. - Chinese Proverb
The palest ink is better than the best memory. - Chinese Proverb
The wise man learns more from his enemies than a fool does from his friends. - Chinese Proverb 
When you want to test the depths of a stream, don't use both feet. - Chinese Proverb 
I like a man who grins when he fights. - Winston Churchill 
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. - Winston Churchill 
The best argument against democracy is a five minute talk with the average voter. - Winston Churchill 
Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. - Arthur C Clarke 
Hear and you forget; see and you remember; do and you understand. - Confucius 
Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail. - Confucius 
The superior man is distressed by the limitation of his ability; he is not distressed by the fact that men do not recognize the ability he has. - Confucius
Love may not make the world go round, but I must admit that it makes the ride worthwhile. - Sean Connery 
Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. - Joan Crawford 
No people do so much harm as those who go about doing good. - Mandell Creighton
Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. - Marie Curie 
A man who dares to waste an hour of time has not discovered the value of life. - Charles Darwin
The universe we observe has precisely the properties we should expect if there is, at bottom, no design, no purpose, no evil, no good, nothing but blind, pitiless indifference. - Charles Darwin 
There's nothing I like less than bad arguments for a view that I hold dear. - Daniel Dennett 
If there are no stupid questions, then what sort of questions do stupid people ask? - Dogbert 
You know how dumb the average guy is? Well, by definition, half of them are even dumber than that. - J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs
Everybody is somebody else's weirdo. - Dykstra 
I'm interested in the fact that the less secure a man is, the more likely he is to have extreme prejudice. -  - Clint Eastwood
Results! Why man, I have gotten a lot of results. I know several thousand things that won't work. - Thomas Alva Edison 
Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new. - Albert Einstein
Great spirits have often encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. - Albert Einstein (1879-1955) 
If I had my life to live over again, I'd be a plumber. - Albert Einstein 
Nationalism is an infantile sickness. It is the measles of the human race. - Albert Einstein
Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That's relativity. - Albert Einstein 
An intellectual is a man who takes more words than necessary to tell more than he knows. - Dwight D. Eisenhower
The only way to have a friend is to be one. - Ralph Waldo Emerson 
Scitum est inter caecos luscum regnare posse. (It is well known, that among the blind the one-eyed man is king.) - Gerard Didier Erasmus
It is never too late to be what you might have been. - Farmer's Almanac, 1995 
It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong, and an even bigger one to keep his mouth shut when he's right. - Jim Fiebig 
If you understand, things are as they are. If you do not understand, things are as they are. - Gensha, Zen Master
The dogmatist within is always worse than the enemy without. - S.J. Gould 
The market is not an invention of capitalism. It has existed for centuries. It is an invention of civilization. - Mikhail Gorbachev 
The trouble with my wife is that she is a whore in the kitchen and a cook in the bed. - Geoffrey Gorer 
When a man's knowledge is deep, he speaks well of an enemy. Instead of seeking revenge, he extends unexpected generosity. He turns insult into humor, ... and astonishes his adversary who finds no reason not to trust him. - Baltasar Gracian 
Knowledge is power. - Thomas Hobbes
A person's maturity consists in having found again the seriousness one had as a child, at play. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
It is my ambition to say in ten sentences what others say in a whole book. - Friedrich Nietzsche 
Morality is the herd-instinct in the individual. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche 
I cannot believe in a God who wants to be praised all the time. - Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them. - P.J. O'Rourke 
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. - P.J. O'Rourke
Most people get a fair amount of fun out of their lives, but on balance life is suffering, and only the very young or very foolish imagine otherwise. - George Orwell 
He was a wise man who invented God. - Plato 
A woman either loves or hates; she knows no medium. - Publilius
One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell 
All great truths begin as blasphemies. - George Bernard Shaw
A pessimist thinks everybody is as nasty as himself, and hates them for it. - George Bernard Shaw
There is no love sincerer than the love of food. - George Bernard Shaw 
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. - Socrates
Logic is a tweeting bird in a green meadow. - Mr. Spock 
The more corrupt the state, the more numerous the laws. - Cornelius Tacitus
For I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and big words Bother me. - Winnie the Pooh 
You can build a throne with bayonets, but you can't sit on it for long. - Boris Yeltsin 
Murphy's First Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Murphy's Second Law: Everything takes longer than you think.
Murphy's Third Law: In any field of scientific endeavor, anything that can go wrong will go wrong.
Murphy's Fourth Law: If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
Murphy's Sixth Law: If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure can go wrong and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Murphy's Seventh Law: Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse. 
O'Toole's commentary on Murphy's Law: Murphy was an optimist. 
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Save a tree. Eat a beaver. 
Sorry, no quote today. 
Study = NoFail NoStudy = Fail .............. Study + NoStudy = Fail + No Fail Study(1 + No) = Fail(1 + No) ergo, Study = Fail 
There are three kinds of people in the world, those who can count, and those who can't. 
Youth and skill are no match for experience and treachery.
Education: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding. -Ambrose Bierce, writer (1842-1914)
We ought not to treat living creatures like shoes or household belongings, which when worn with use we throw away. -Plutarch, biographer (c. 46-120)Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in boat & drink beer all day.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Don't squat with your spurs on.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
If you drink, don't park; accidents cause people.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
Don't worry, it only seems kinky the first time.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.
Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
Never miss a good chance to shut up.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. 
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve its full potential, that word would be "meetings." 
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness." 
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them. 
And when God, who created the entire universe with all of its glories, decides to deliver a message to humanity, He WILL NOT use, as His messenger, a person on cable TV with a bad hairstyle. 
You should not confuse your career with your life. 
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. 
When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. 
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. 
Never lick a steak knife. 
Take out the fortune before you eat the cookie. 
The most powerful force in the universe is gossip. 
You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time. 
You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment. 
There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven. 
The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,  gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers. 
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests is to annoy people who are not in them. 
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails) 
Your friends love you anyway. 
Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic. 
Most people can't think, most of the remainder won't think, the small fractionwho do think mostly can't do it very well.  The extremely tiny fraction who  think regularly, accurately, creatively, and without self-delusion- in the long run, these are the only people who count. -- Robert Heinlein
Once over the hill, you pick up speed.
If it weren't for STRESS I'd have no energy at all.
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.
I know God won't give me more than I can handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
Dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
If the shoe fits......buy it in every color.
If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out.
If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Some days are a total waste of makeup.
Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself.